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AIBU: smoking in the shed?

(53 Posts)
Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 17:37:27

Hello all! Just wondering if my SIL is BU asking my partner and I to 'smoke outside in the shed' in our garden from the moment her baby is born? She feels the smoke 'will permeate' our 'soft furnishings' in our home, and as such, the smoking ban and shed rule would apply at all times, not just when she and the baby visit...... AIBU to expect to smoke in my own home when they're not there, and not feel like the worst Aunt ever? I'm more than happy to be banished to the garden when they do visit, of course, but the rest of the time....? Hmm! Any thoughts appreciated! smile

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 20:10:48

Regardless, I can (now) see she has a valid point. --kills me to admit it--Even if we're never going to see eye-to-eye, one thinks one should really get over oneself, and Man the F*ck Up haha, so I can be involved with the new baba. That's the most important thing in the end, eh? Oh god I sound like Jeremy Kyle!!!

Nanny0gg Thu 23-Jan-14 20:04:51

It does depend whether she is only objecting to the actual danger from the second hand smoke or the smell from it as well.

If it's the latter then it doesn't matter what you do or where you meet, the smell will be on your clothes.

Inertia Thu 23-Jan-14 20:03:55

YANBU if it's your home, but by the same token it's reasonable for her to not want to bring the baby to your home while you smoke in it. She probably also won't want you to hold the baby after smoking either, so that's something to think about in advance.

You do sound very considerate, and if the baby gives you the impetus to put your health first and give up then good luck smile

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 20:03:31

@granny24' I did think that! I wonder what she'll do if anybody lights up on the street when she's pushing the pram. The funny thing is, she is an ex smoker too who is also considerably overweight, and I wonder if deep down she's trying to almost 'make up' for things by jumping on me so hard.... confused

granny24 Thu 23-Jan-14 19:58:46

We don't smoke but are not at all precious about friends that do. Mostly they smoke in the kitchen and when they leave we open a window. Give it an hour and it's fine. Second hand smoke is a health hazard but smells are not. Personally I find the smell of most air fresheners repulsive and houses that are over cleaned often give me asthma due to chemical fumes. Presumably sil won't ever push her buggy anywhere near main roads. Get a grip.

SofaKing Thu 23-Jan-14 19:54:44

The smell might be worse for her because she is pregnant? I used to feel sick with ds1 when I had to go to work and pass through a shopping centre where smokers would congregate outside the doors. I found it really overpowering and was nearly sick.
Once ds1 was born I'd happily take him to the same shops and barely wrinkle my nose at the smell, instead of feeling sick and practically fainting.

I would talk to her about it once her baby is born and see if you can reach a compromise about neutral ground.
I agree you sound like a fab Auntie to be considering giving up smoking for your nephew or niece :-)

GhostsInSnow Thu 23-Jan-14 19:53:14

Stainless, I can smell cigarette smoke at 100 yards. DH finds it amusing. My next door neighbour is a heavy smoker and smokes in bed. In summer when the windows are open I can smell her smoke in my bedroom.

It's taken a while to get to this stage, probably 12 months before smelling it bothered me, before that it was more 'oooh I could kill for a smoke' when I smelled it grin

Good on you though, sometimes a bit of inspiration to stop is a great thing and a lovely little Niece would be brilliant.

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 19:50:36

Thanks folks! I think in all honesty I've been deluding myself about my 'open back door will fix everything' mentality! blush.

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 23-Jan-14 19:45:56

Ah, just read your recent post, it would be lovely if your new dN gave you a reason to give up. What a great aunty. thanks

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 19:44:31

HoneyImHolmes: given you're an ex-smoker, that's really interesting to hear that side if things. I wonder if you've extra sensitive nostrils now? SuperSnoz grin

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 23-Jan-14 19:44:13

I mean 30 seconds!

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 23-Jan-14 19:43:59

I deliver parcels as a job and sometimes when I've just been standing at the door of a smoker's house for 30 minutes I get back in the car and I can still smell the smoke at the back of my throat.

If you smoke in your house then yes it probably does smell bad to non smokers and I wouldn't want to take a newborn into a smoker's house. Don't be surprised if she doesn't visit you as often, as even opening windows on the day won't get rid of the smell that lingers in the fabric etc.

When you buy from eBay you'll notice people say 'from a smoke and pet free home' because they know that even furniture picks up the smell of smoke or dogs that people who live with them don't notice.

So no, you don't need to smoke in your shed but only if you won't be pissed off that she doesn't want to visit you anymore.

MyNameIsWinkly Thu 23-Jan-14 19:42:38

stainless you sound lovely, and very open minded. Not a lot of people would take some of the replies you've had here as well without getting defensive. I reckon you'll be a wonderful auntie, it is a fantastic feeling smile

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 19:38:38

Thanks ThereIsNoEleventeen, despite my moaning, I actually can't wait!! grin

GhostsInSnow Thu 23-Jan-14 19:38:30

YANBU, but....
My best friend smokes, she used to smoke in her house. At the time I was also a smoker so I didn't really notice. I stopped about 4 years ago and after that I had to cut back my visits to her because even though she didn't smoke when I was in the house with her it really did smell.

When I visit her and come home I literally have to get straight into a shower, wash my hair and change my clothes. Perhaps it's just me thats become extra sensitive to it.

I agree it is your home and as such if you want to smoke in it then she has no right to dictate you don't, however, I can see why she wouldn't want to bring a baby into the environment.

DontmindifIdo Thu 23-Jan-14 19:38:16

If it makes you reassess smoking, that's great. In real life I'd not want to be rude to a smoker friend/family member so would make excuses to avoid their home, that does mean a lot of smokers get left out of things and don't realise why.

Smoking makes you (and all your stuff) smell, costs you lots of money, ruins your skin and can give you cancer, there's a lot of reasons to quit other than to keep your hard work SIL happy... grin

specialsubject Thu 23-Jan-14 19:38:12

your house will stink of smoke if you smoke in it. As will you if you smoke.

But it is YOUR house and your clothes. Your call.

SIL can't dictate what you do there. What she should say is 'sorry, but as you smoke in your house I can't visit'.

ThereIsNoEleventeen Thu 23-Jan-14 19:37:07

He or she will love you too Stainless, aunties are great. Good luck if you do decided to give up.

matildamatilda Thu 23-Jan-14 19:37:06

Well she has no right to boss you around in your own home. If it's too smokey for her then she just won't visit, right? You can go see the baby at her house. What's the problem?

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 19:34:42

Yeah a total control freak (and a twelve years older than me), she's very good at making me feel about an inch tall angry

It would depend on the smell level for me. If I was bringing the baby home stinking of smoke, I wouldn't either, sorry.

Scarletohello Thu 23-Jan-14 19:33:14

Tell her to not come to your house. Fss! Is she a total control freak??

Stainless Thu 23-Jan-14 19:32:11

Matlidamatilda: I know cats don't give you cancer, was just trying (failing!) to make a joke) blush. If nothing else, this thread has made me realise I will love this baby more than my cigarettes and maybe it's time for a change. It's not worth falling out with family at the end of the day. sad

ThereIsNoEleventeen Thu 23-Jan-14 19:31:19

Being serious, my friends mum smokes and she finds it tricky. Her DC's are older now and ask their Grandma to stop smoking (they have done smoking danger stuff at school).

When ever she stays at her Mums she washed all of the clothes that they took with them (dirty or not) along with any new clothes that her Mum has bought for the DC's.

Perhaps your sister will be better visiting in the summer when you can be in the garden? (My faith in frabrize is obliviously misplaced...)

matildamatilda Thu 23-Jan-14 19:29:10

Yeah cats don't give you cancer.

I wouldn't bring a kid to a smoker's house.

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