AIBU: smoking in the shed?

[Stainless]

Hello all! Just wondering if my SIL is BU asking my partner and I to 'smoke outside in the shed' in our garden from the moment her baby is born? She feels the smoke 'will permeate' our 'soft furnishings' in our home, and as such, the smoking ban and shed rule would apply at all times, not just when she and the baby visit...... AIBU to expect to smoke in my own home when they're not there, and not feel like the worst Aunt ever? I'm more than happy to be banished to the garden when they do visit, of course, but the rest of the time....? Hmm! Any thoughts appreciated! :)

[AwfulMaureen]

Well how much time is she expecting her child to be in your house? If for some reason it is daily, then YABU......but if it's just now and then I suggest she restricts his presence to the kitchen!

[Stainless]

Oops posted this in the wrong place! Now to delete....

[caruthers]

It's your house and you smoke where you want to.

It's polite and right not to smoke in other peoples houses but just ignore anyone who tells you it's their priority to tell you not to smoke in yours.

[squoosh]

I'd stick the SIL in the shed.

She sounds like horrific mix of Kim Jong-un and Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter.

[WitchWay]

Smoking is bad for babies so she has a point, but this is her baby & your house & unless she plans on moving in with you I think the overall risks to be minimal & she is being a bit precious really.

[WooWooOwl]

Of course she is being unreasonable, but pregnant people often are.

Ignore her. If she doesn't want to come to your house then you can see her elsewhere.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

No need to run and hide OP, you're getting yanbus!

[itsnotthateasy]

lolll the audacity of your Sister.

Could be hormones I suppose ,, I agree with others , Your Home , Your Rules.

[Stainless]

Thank you! It will be her first baby so I do understand her concerns, but really!;) She only comes round maybe once a week for an hour max, so I'd have thought airing the house, opening windows etc would be enough. maybe I should only go to hers from now on, problem solved;)

[CrohnicallyFarting]

I can understand her not wanting to visit a house that someone has been smoking in, but if it were me I would just say 'I don't feel comfortable visiting when you've been smoking, can you come to us/meet at a venue partway'. And in fact, we've done that with family members. I wouldn't try to dictate to you that you can't smoke in your own home!

[Iamavapernow]

Yanbu. Your house, like you say an airing before she arrives with baby is plenty sufficient.

However yabu to smoke in your house (imo) if you have a decent shed to smoke in. It's yukky and stinks. Yellows your paintwork etc.

[Stainless]

@CrohnicallyFarting, good idea! Perhaps meeting in a coffee shop or somewhere, at least for a while, would stop any resentment bubbling away. :) I just felt a naughty child :S

[GlitzAndGiggles]

Just air the house that day

[WitchWay]

How did I know it was her first baby ?

[pianodoodle]

I never liked smoking in the house even when I smoked - but that's not the point!

You can't go around trying to enforce a permanent smoking ban in a house that isn't yours - YANBU :)

[monkeysox]

She ibu dictating but would you be more upset if she said she won't be visiting you any more?

It's v awkward with in laws but she inbu in not wanting her baby in a stinky house

[MyNameIsWinkly]

Go to hers from now on. SIBU to ask, but SWNBU to not come to your house. I have a relative I have had to visit in the past whose house absilutely reeks of smoke, yes it does permeate the curtains, carpets and sofas. When I come home I can smell it in my own clothes and hair, and I won't be taking my baby to that house.

I don't think smokers appreciate how obvious and how bad smoke smells, sorry.

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I would just smoke in the shed, but it's your home and that's for you to decide.

No amount of airing will get rid of stale smoke smell.

[Stainless]

I don't want us to fall out, so guess I'll just have to suck it up and go to the shed. I hope my house doesn't stink, we stand in the kitchen with the door wide open but maybe I'm delusional hehe :p

[Innogen]

Hahahahahahaaaa! Sister in law is batshit!

[DontmindifIdo]

Well, I've got 2 dcs, but I still wouldn't take them into a house where people smoke, but then I believe that means I don't take them to houses of smokers, not that smokers have to stop smoking in their own homes.

Just suggest meeting away from your house and don't be offended if she declines invites to your house.

[ThereIsNoEleventeen]

Hilarious! I thought you were asking if she was BU for sending you out to her shed when you visited...

I would just be setting out an ashtray in the shed and hanging a couple of smoking jackets on the back of the door just to show that I was making the effort, then I'd buy some frabrize!

[Stainless]

@DontmindifIdo: genuine question: do you mean you never take them to those houses at all, or just if people refused to go outside whilst you were there? I'm genuinely interested to hear these thoughts, I don't have DCs of my own, so unsure how a Mum would feel about this. :)

[Stainless]

@ThereIsNoEleventeen love this! Fabreze the sh*t out my 'soft furnishings' ;)

[MyNameIsWinkly]

Fabreze won't make a damn bit of difference to smoky furniture.

DSis was gifted a second hand sofa when she moved into her first house. It came from a smoker's house and she was never able to get rid of the smoke smell. She had to get rid of the sofa.

Even if you only smoke in the kitchen, and you fabreze and open windows, if your SIL is a non-smoker your house will reek of smoke to her, sorry.

I was dragged to smoky houses as a child. It made me feel sick, and certainly contributed to my asthma that still persists. I will NEVER take my baby to a house that people smoke in.