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AIBU or is my new DH?

(414 Posts)
Hadenough8 Thu 23-Jan-14 08:30:33

DP and I married last month and he moved in with me, the honeymoon period is over already.

We sat down and worked out our incomings and outgoings. Just the very basics, rent, food, petrol, electric, gas, bills etc. We both work. DH earns more than me.

Anyhow once incoming and outgoings were worked out, I suggest we could either put all our money together, pay for the basics, then whatever is left we decide whether to save or what to spend it on. DH didn't want to do this.

The only other way I could think of was we pay half each of the basic outgoings. DH agreed to this. This leaves DH with £1,000 and me with £200 spare.

I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. Out of my £200 spare, I pay for anything they need, school dinners, uniform, haircuts, clothes, school trips etc, etc.

Come pay day, he put his half into my account. Then started to say why should he pay for everything ie there are 3 of us and only 1 of him. So if the electric bill for example comes to £80, I should pay £60, he should pay £20.

DH has 2 kids too from a previous relationship who he hasn't seen for 2 years. He wants to start Court proceedings and says how he is supposed to do that if he is having to pay for my kids.

I feel like getting a divorce already.


IneedAsockamnesty Sun 26-Jan-14 19:27:33

The easiest and cheapest way to divorce given that it very much sounds like you have no financial ties or children together and he has removed anything that belongs to him would be to just wait until your second anniversary and file for divorce using 2 years separation.

You don't need to go into details it's just a tick box and you can do it for a few pounds over £400 off the top of my head I think it's £410 the only fees you need to pay are court fees and when absolutely nothing is at stake you don't even need legal advice. It's really simple.

Or after your first anniversary you can do unreasonable behaviour that means you cannot possibly be expected to remain living with him.same costs involved but if he's a form ignorer then you will have to pay out for balif service and you run the risk of him challenging it for fun

enriquetheringbearinglizard Sun 26-Jan-14 19:50:57

I don't think his back history adds up at all.
I bet if you and his ex sat down together hadenough you'd probably be amazed at how much common ground you have. Just guessing there of course, but the more you say the worse he gets.

Ref the phone thing, have you looked at SIMS like giff gaff or Ovivo if you have a phone that suits? might save you a few quid.

Have as much cake thanks wine as you can handle, and stay strong.

hadenough8 Sun 26-Jan-14 22:59:10

Thanks everyone, the wedding money wasn't a great deal of cash (very small wedding) and it has already been spent on carpet for the hall way, I would have a hard job giving him half of that! but he still feels he is entitled to half and I should reimburse him the cash. Come to think of it, after the wedding I remember him saying about splitting the money, again I thought he was joking at the time!

I am sure that his ex would tell a different story too. I know that at one point he did pay financially, but i am betting he drove her mad for receipts and an explanation of what she spent 'his' money on!

Even now, he is still asking for the money back that he paid. Even after me explaining to him in detail previously and writing it down, that it covers half of the bills, direct debits, food etc for a month, he doesn't seem to be able to get his head around it.

Thanks for the info about the 2 year divorce.

I am very tempted to give him his money back (not all of it, as i don't have that much in the bank) but what i can afford just to get him off my back. But i am thinking, he will just move on to demanding something else.

EverybodysStressyEyed Sun 26-Jan-14 23:04:23

Ask him to repay 50% of the wedding cost. Tight bastard. I bet he's very good at accepting. Especially as he didn't bother to leave he presents you bought him!

I assume that until you have sorted tax credits etc you are going to be short?

Don't feel bad - I assume he is back with the folks and probably limited living costs as well as all that disposable income he wasn't willing to share

hadenough8 Sun 26-Jan-14 23:15:32

Yes that is true, i am hardly well off, quite the opposite. The gifts he took which he bought and i bought him over the years, came to a lot more than the money he paid. So he has had his money back really!

Yes back living with folks i assume.

I will try to ignore and just get on with what i have to do.

ProfessorSkullyMental Sun 26-Jan-14 23:16:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamGluezilla Sun 26-Jan-14 23:24:15

It could be annulled if you both agree it wasn't consummated wink

Jess03 Mon 27-Jan-14 08:14:53

Agree with profskully, don't respond to anything else. I wouldn't give him any cash back, he's a mean, awful person who deserves his parents by the sounds of it, hope they're happy together. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 27-Jan-14 08:42:39

It could be annulled if you both agree it wasn't consummated

That would be a crime, you do not want to give a spiteful bastard this much control over your life.

He is quite likely to try and use the divorce process to claim you owe him money, keeping those texts would prove you don't. Or at the very least email him out lining what he has taken of yours and what the money he paid you was for, as by the time you get as far as divorce you do not want him claiming you owe him money,not because he would have much success but because its a annoying thing. The texts and attitude towards money would also be good examples of unreasonable behaviour if that was the road you needed to go down.

ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere Mon 27-Jan-14 08:47:18

I agree with Sock.
Do everything by the book. Keep the texts, send a clear emotion free email outlining his theft, financial issues etc as he seems stupid enough to respond, keep that too. Change your email password just incase these things 'vanish'.

enriquetheringbearinglizard Mon 27-Jan-14 09:19:01

Maybe set up a new web based email account that you only use for separation information, say a gmail account? Forward anything from him to that and use draft email for notes and a list of texts withvdayes and contents.

That would keep everything in one place, safe and organised.

BeCool Mon 27-Jan-14 10:31:32

thanks for hadenough - you are doing a wonderful job through this crisis and being so strong and focused.
You know 100% he's an arse now - you don't have to engage with him and I hope you can sort out a new SIM card asap. You do not have to give him a penny nor should you - he sounds like a total opportunist.

You have so much on your plate now and this idiot can ONLY think of himself. Ignore him, and focus on your DC and family and looking after yourself.


therewearethen Mon 27-Jan-14 18:57:23

Wow, the threads moved on a bit since I first posted. Glad you've kicked the cocklodger out OP, sorry to hear about your dad though, take care thanks

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Thu 30-Jan-14 20:46:38

I would be tempted to get a Stanley knife to that hall carpet and give him his half back Hadenough!

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