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AIBU to be pissed off about copycat hen weekend?

(146 Posts)
papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 22:53:08

A couple of months ago I was talking to my friends about my engagement and what I intended to do for my hen weekend - without giving too many details away and outing myself, it's not exactly a generic hen weekend and something that was really "me" in the place that DF and I had our first date, so it's obviously a very significant place to me.

Today I find out that my friend, who is also engaged and getting married about 6 months before me has decided that she likes my idea so much she's planned her hen do in the exact same venue with the same activities organised around it. I'm invited, but the actual accommodation is only large enough to sleep 6, so priority will go to the hen and bridesmaids, with myself and others staying in tents.

I now feel that I can't have the hen do I dreamed of, because it will look like I'm copying her as opposed to the other way around, not to mention that our group of friends would essentially be doing the same thing twice!

It's the unique accommodation in particular that makes the venue so special to me, but of course I won't be staying in it...she happens to have chosen a rather significant birthday of mine on which to have this hen weekend too. Although I don't think this was intentional, it means that I'll be sacrificing celebrating my birthday with DF for her.

AIBU to be pissed off to think that my friend should have come up with her own bloody hen idea instead of stealing mine??!

WitchWay Wed 22-Jan-14 22:55:19

Sounds unfair of her - I'd be irritated

Mim78 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:55:51

Yanbu - tell her!

Salmotrutta Wed 22-Jan-14 22:56:38

It's a hen weekend.

Not the actual wedding.

I really, really think hen nights should go back to being a night out at a pub or restaurant.

i'm with salmo.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:57:44

Well you have a good excuse not too go! Maybe she doesn't see you as that close a friend as to mind.

Turquoisetamborine Wed 22-Jan-14 22:59:35

I wouldn't go. Make an excuse.

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:01:49

There's 9 of us in our group of friends and we socialise together at least once a week. She's probably the one I'm lease close to, but it's the exact same friends who would be going on her hen do as mine.

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:02:06

*least, not lease

Juno77 Wed 22-Jan-14 23:04:30

Yeah that's bullshit.

I'd be very pissed off.

What have your other friends said? Presumably they knew your plans prior, since she did and you aren't as close?

squoosh Wed 22-Jan-14 23:04:40


Whatever people think about hen nights the point is she stole your plans.

Sounds like she's very competitive, pinching your hen weekend and planning it for your birthday weekend. Do you think she's jealous of you, does she often appear keen to outdo you?

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 22-Jan-14 23:05:37

Just don't go then, and think of something even better for yours. Also- is it not the bridesmaids that normally organise the hen? Surely they would also know you had planned this for your hen and chosen something else.

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:06:17

I haven't actually said anything to other friends yet - I wanted to find out whether you thought I was being unreasonable first!!

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:07:45

She's not having a maid of honour, who the traditional role of organising the hen would fall to. She's also quite fond of being in control...hence why I think she's organising her own!

PinkFondantFancy Wed 22-Jan-14 23:07:48

YABU, it's just the hen do, so what if it's the same place?

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:09:19

If she's jealous of me, I've never had any indication of it before this - she's a really sweet girl, which is why I wasn't sure whether I was overreacting.

Juno77 Wed 22-Jan-14 23:09:49

pink because presumably the same group of friends won't want to spend time and money going to the same place to do the same activities, twice in one year.

This place is special to the OP and her friend jumped in and took it first.

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:11:31

Pink - if it was just the same city or the same activity for example, I wouldn't be bothered - as I said it's very specific to me - would all of our friends really want to have a deja vu hen weekend??

BillyBanter Wed 22-Jan-14 23:13:24

That would annoy me. Not sure what you can do unless a friend is willing to step in and say wtf to her.

You have a good excuse not to go though. And when you go for yours you can talk about the special place it has in your heart. Quite loudly.

PuggyMum Wed 22-Jan-14 23:14:06

I'd politely decline on the basis it's your birthday and add 'and as you know this is where I'm having my hen do also you don't really want to go twice'

Yanbu. I'd be annoyed too!

MsAspreyDiamonds Wed 22-Jan-14 23:15:40

Don't go to the hen weekend as it is your birthday. Go back to the drawing board & think of a new original weekend

MerylStrop Wed 22-Jan-14 23:16:56

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

I think you should get over it and do something else entirely. Something low key and therefore more stylish.

MerylStrop Wed 22-Jan-14 23:19:04

Unless she's an utter cow usually (and if so why are you friends?) I'd not bother with the barbed comments either.

Is it a birthday ending in a 0? If so why hasn't she taken that into consideration? Would you normally celebrate your birthday with these people?

ProphetOfDoom Wed 22-Jan-14 23:25:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

papierjam Wed 22-Jan-14 23:32:58

My birthday ends in a 5, not a 0. Yes, I would normally spend my birthday with these people. She's relatively new to the group, so I don't think it's occurred to her that it's my birthday. She's not an utter cow at all, without being mean, she's 10 years younger than me and doesn't seem to have many genuine likes of her own, she has been known to jump on the bandwagon of other people's ideas before.

I definitely will do something different for my hen now. The annoying thing it that it's back to the drawing board - the idea of a traditional hen piss-up doesn't appeal to me at all, and I really think I'll struggle to find something that feels as "right" as my original idea did.

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