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Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

(436 Posts)
Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:13:12

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too


MyNameIsKenAdams Wed 22-Jan-14 20:35:01

What is the reason for him not living there?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Wed 22-Jan-14 20:37:01

Are you his partner or his mother?

Seriously though, he is taking you for granted, you deserve better OP.

Maryz Wed 22-Jan-14 20:37:11

Ken, that's the wrong question. It should be

"What is the reason for him ever being there?"

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:39:40

Mellow, thanks, if I were to say I didn't have much in he'd go and get himself chips or macdonalds, fair enough, but then he will sit moaning about his weight and I can't really explain it, as he doesn't say it outright, but I'm made to feel that it's my fault, whole other thread but he does insinuate that his weight is my fault.

The other thing he might do is make himself something and leave a big mess in the kitchen, and he makes a hell of a mess.

There are lots of things which he does that are unacceptable, but this is something I kind of hadn't realised was driving me insane yet I somehow thought I was in the wrong.

pictish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:40:19

You're a doormat OP.

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:42:34

The reasons for him not living here are a long list of excuses, he is supposed to be moving in like now. There aren't really any excuses left so he is orchestrating arguments that are of course my fault.

LEMmingaround Wed 22-Jan-14 20:43:30

So let me get this straight - if you say you don't have much food in, he will go and get HIMSELF chips or a macdonalds??


Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:43:48

You're probably right Pictish but he has this way of turning anything around so that it's my fault.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:43:52

OP, WTF are you doing???
Stop cooking for this fool. You're not his mum and he's presumably not 15?
Because that is exactly the relationship you have now. You're dating Kevin.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:43:58

Op you've said yourself now this is one of the many things he does that are unacceptable, so to avoid drip feeding just write the list out and then read it back to yourself and if it's all still unacceptable to you believe me it will be for us lot wine thanks

AdoraBell Wed 22-Jan-14 20:44:15

You will always feel like you are in the wrong because that's where he is putting you.

Do yourself a favour and tell him To piss off ( or maybe not so blunt as mewink)

LEMmingaround Wed 22-Jan-14 20:44:20

just tell him to fuck off - and to stay fucked off. You deserve so much better. Does he have any sort of relationship with your children?

MyNameIsKenAdams Wed 22-Jan-14 20:44:53

Dolls the simplest solution is to pack up all the random crap he has lying around the place, have it teady for when he next comes round and hand it to him. Ask for the key back, if he has one, and wish him a pleasant life.

Get out.

pictish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:46:19

Why bother with him?
You're just his mother come housekeeper...and what's more, he doesn't even have to stick around and grace you with his presence to get it. He just gives the shout and off you trot.
Why would you accept this?

Maryz Wed 22-Jan-14 20:46:27

So what are the reasons you are with him?

What about him is so wonderful that you are prepared to put up with the type of behaviour that drives me mad from my teenagers?

pictish Wed 22-Jan-14 20:47:38

If someone treats you like shit, it is their fault. Entirely.

eddielizzard Wed 22-Jan-14 20:49:06

thank god he's not moved in. imagine how that would be.

Mellowandfruitful Wed 22-Jan-14 20:50:45

OK, so you need to blank out all this moaning about his weight. When he starts up with it, just say nothing at all. It doesn't succeed if it doesn't get a reaction from you. His weight is entirely his responsibility, and he knows it. The comments are part of the campaign to make you feel like your entire life is meant to be spent running around after him and making his life better.

Again, the best option long term for you is an end to the whole relationship, but take it step by step if you're not ready for that. So stop the cooking lark. If he mentions anything about it, say that it's just easier for him to get something and it gives him more freedom. Start distancing yourself from his notions about everything you owe it to him to do for him.

Witchofthenorth Wed 22-Jan-14 20:51:29

You do realise you need to LTB yeah?

He is big time taking the piss.
Stop making him dinner, and can you be out somewhere next time when he calls?
Take your DS to McD's for a treat?

blahe Wed 22-Jan-14 20:51:43


NatashaBee Wed 22-Jan-14 20:53:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:54:02

Sorry LEM I think I misunderstood. He would have no problems getting me or ds some food in if I asked, he'd get himself food if I didn't cook I mean. But then blame me that he had to eat junk food. He will also cook or pay for a meal out or a takeaway on the weekends, it's just in the week.

He won't collect his own things if we break up but that's another story. I dropped them round to him once and he bought them all back.

He's kind of had me believing that I should be this all cooking, all cleaning, singing dancing domestic goddess, and if I can't read his mind and have a fresh meal on the table at his convenience I'm some kind of a failure to woman kind.

Ok so he's never actually said that, but it's the little comments and actions and telling me what his 'mother' does so amazingly well and what his father doesn't do.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:54:14

OP, please tell me you don't do his washing?

Only1scoop Wed 22-Jan-14 20:56:57

Erm....rod...own back confused

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