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Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

(436 Posts)
Dollslikeyouandme Wed 22-Jan-14 20:13:12

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too


HazleNutt Wed 29-Jan-14 19:14:25

listen to alibaba. I have a nice DH, he's nice and lovely all the time. Nice people are.

But from a previous relationship, I also know what it feels like to creep around on eggshells, as otherwise you might do something to upset the man. Because of course it's your fault. You simply cannot do anything right and keep upsetting him.

It's an exhausting way to live. And I didn't even see that, thought my abuser was the love of my life - just that I could not treat him right. If I would only be a little more of this and little less of that, he would be lovely all the time. Sounds familiar? They won't, though. Evil people won't be nice.

nauticant Wed 29-Jan-14 19:35:02

Returning to the relationship isn't great*, but it's not the worst thing. Far far worse would be to become pregnant by this poor excuse for a man.

If you can do one thing to help yourself before you gather up the courage to leave, taking great care over contraception would be it.

* there's always another opportunity to leave tomorrow

MinkBernardLundy Wed 29-Jan-14 19:37:00

dolls it is an addiction. the highs and lows. you get hooked on the drama because it is all you have known. it is hard to end when you are in a low because you need the high to pick you up and you don't feel the need to end on a high.

But it does need to end. like most addictions it is unhealthy.

If he wasn't in your life you could have the best of times most of the time.

In addition to this thread start keeping a log of shitty things he does. It will help you detach. you won't even realise quite how many of the things he does are abusive while you are in this rs as you are minimizing and making excuses for him but write down the things you do notice.

He is not having a bad day. he is nasty.

Mishmashfamily Wed 29-Jan-14 20:06:22

dolls bloody hell I've just read the thread!!! He has done a good bloody number on you hasn't he!

He has totally manipulated how you are feeling now, by the nice/horrible /nice tricks he is pulling.

You need to cut contact from this twisted fucker now .

Get a new number so he can't harass you any more. Take heed of what the women are posting and supporting you on here, they are right.

If you can not do it for your self then you better dig deep for your DS as you will be showing him how women are to be treated. Are you going to let this dick head warp your sons veiw on women, are you going to let him treat you like shit in front of your boy?

Get your head straight , stop with the contact and look out for your son!

Mishmashfamily Wed 29-Jan-14 20:08:01

By the way you ARE making sense! you are a classic abuse victim.

Pull your self together and do it for your son.

Mishmashfamily Wed 29-Jan-14 20:10:49

How can you find some one that will treat you right when you already have a fucking cunt taking the piss out of you.


nkf Wed 29-Jan-14 20:16:48

He sounds horrible. Just horrible. But it is so easy to get used to this sort of awful behaviour. I feel for you. I know how it can be. For me, a lightbulb moment was once after yet another moan fest from him about awful I was I thought, well I may be the worst wife in the world, but that's no reason to stay married. And I said it out loud. The shocked look on his face told me I was on to somthing. After that, he went on a charm offensive about how impressive I was. And I found myself saying well maybe, but you don't like what I am. You're always saying you don't. If he complains, tell him where to go. If he doesn't iike what you are, there is no reason for him to stay.

Mishmashfamily Wed 29-Jan-14 20:20:05

alba Dolls I strongly suspect that the things that you feel are 'the best times, the best laughs' are what most of us would consider normality. But because he is so vile to you, and puts you down so badly - the better moments probably feel like sunshine from heaven

That is spot on, when I met dp after a abusive relationship, I just couldn't believe my luck, our relationship was beyond amazing, when in reality which I know now was just a normal, loving, kind relationship.

It's fucking terrible what an abusive cunt can do to your mind - fucking criminal!

WhatAFeline Thu 30-Jan-14 19:19:14

Hi Dolls, still thinking of you, hope you are okay.

cees Thu 30-Jan-14 20:29:22

Your ds is you and your asshole partner is playing the part of your Father, do you want your son growing up and either treating or being treated like this and having the same issues as you in years to come.

I'm glad he hasn't moved in with you, you will be too I promise. Please be strong for your child, you both deserve so much better then this idiot manchild.

Monty27 Thu 30-Jan-14 22:22:04

Take the ass away from you and your son, and your potential happiness.

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