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To think you are not and are never going to be my DDs SM

(72 Posts)
BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 16:38:19

Name changed.

Ok In short (very short) DD (ExH) does not see her Dad, he does not contribute financially, ever ask after her or generally have anything to do with either of us.

His new girlfriend has been discussing her "step daughter" locally (meaning my daughter) and I am fuming. She has never and will never have anything to do with my DD. Her Father will never have anything to do with her either (his choice just to make that clear)

I'm not pissed off that he has a girlfriend and am most certainly not jealous, I left him a long time ago and I have never regretted that decision. What pisses me off is that this woman is going around referring to my daughter as her step child, they have been together approx 6 weeks.

WTAF? Do people actually think this is normal behaviour?

Pilgit Wed 22-Jan-14 20:52:45

YANBU. This would pass me off too. My wicked stop mother tries to treat me and my sister as if we are her step children. It Is Ridiculous. She came into our lives when I was 25 and sister 28 and she is only 10 years older than my sister. She seems to think sh r should get some sort of parental defference because of her relationship with dad. This is just another of the reasons why she is the only person I actively dislike. I feel your pain op. The level of care and involvement the term implies simply isn't there. People will see her as a lunatic!

BohemianGirl Wed 22-Jan-14 20:54:59

Apparently she wasn't best pleased to be outed as a liar in front of company.

OP you are pot/kettle/black by virtue of this thread

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:55:16

It is all rather odd when I think about it logically without the red mist.

I think my brother handled it well at the same time as outing her as a liar so she is probably looking pretty foolish right now.

It's just hard not getting worked up. It's basically a perfect stranger acting like she is some sort of parent to my child. It annoys me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't.

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 20:56:04

Sorry I don't follow BH...

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 21:01:45

Sorry that was meant to say I don't follow BG

BohemianGirl what do you mean by that?

BadChat25 Wed 22-Jan-14 21:20:43

I'm a little confused... Did I miss something here?

missymayhemsmum Thu 23-Jan-14 21:54:50

Sounds like the poor silly girl is building castles in the air. YANBU to be pissed off tho.
If you are really lucky she will take him on, kick his arse into contributing and fulfilling his responsibilities and become a beloved dsm to your dd, which is perhaps where she's dreaming? Stranger things have happened
Ok, maybe that's another flying castle....

VivaLeBeaver Thu 23-Jan-14 21:59:01

She sounds a bit dim. Ignore.

BadChat25 Fri 24-Jan-14 19:21:26

I think you're right. Living in a dream world comes to mind...

AwfulMaureen Fri 24-Jan-14 19:38:04

YANBU. In my mind a Step Mother is someone who lives with her partner's children and has full time care...say in cases where the bio Mum has passed away or left....and the child sees more of the Step Mum than she does her own Mum....THAT is a SM....not the girlfriend of the child's Dad!

dawntigga Fri 24-Jan-14 20:01:44

OP I think BG is indicating that what she did, locally, around people you know and know your ex-p is entirely the same as coming on here, to an anonymousish forum and venting without naming any names.


Sallyingforth Fri 24-Jan-14 20:07:24

Calm down, OP. If she could see how jealous you are being she would consider she has got one over you. Just let it go.
By the way, why isn't the child's father contributing financially?

SumBex Fri 24-Jan-14 20:21:59

This would make me livid as well angry.

I agree with Amber that perhaps the new relationship has rekindled his interest in his DD. I wonder if he's filling her head with crap but it's still really odd behaviour whichever way you look at it.

YANBU. and just ignore BG, she only posts in order to be contrary hmm.

SpottyDottie Fri 24-Jan-14 21:59:23

I would be livid too. Its very odd that she has photos on her phone. Your brother missed a trick there and should have asked her to delete them.

Daykin Fri 24-Jan-14 22:07:55

Very odd. She is probably trying to nail herself to her bf and big up their relationship.
I have a friend who refers to her dsd as her dd but tbf, she has met her. I still think it's odd though. She'll introduce her as 'our eldest' and put on FB things like 'having a mummy and daughter pampering day' or 'so glad my baby is coming home today' when she is coming for contact (they have her for half the holidays)
She is a lovely woman in other respects, but, like I say - a bit odd

wonderingsoul Fri 24-Jan-14 22:08:20

ohh ydnbu

exh girlfriend did this.. talking how she wa sso excited to post a letter to her boys ( this letter was from ex andwas the second or third one in 4 years)

omg did i shout and fume to my friends whilst they poured me wine.

SanityClause Fri 24-Jan-14 22:16:52

Do you think your ex may have given her a bit of a line about being a father? Some men do use babies as a sort of chat up line.

To be fair to her, she's only been win him for six weeks. She's only seen his best behaviour, yet, and hasn't had time to work out what an arse he is (I assume, anyway, or he wouldn't be your ex!).

UsingMyRedPen Fri 24-Jan-14 22:18:02

I call my DP's DD my step daughter, even though we aren't married. However we have been together 5 years, we have her with us all the time and I have cared for her as though she were mine, so I fell I have good grounds to. Agree, your ex's new gf seems a bit quick if she's calling her that after 6 weeks.

SaucyJack Fri 24-Jan-14 22:21:33

That isn't odd in the slightest Daykin hmm if she actually has a parent-child relationship with her SD. That's nice.

UsingMyRedPen Fri 24-Jan-14 22:26:29

In my mind a Step Mother is someone who lives with her partner's children and has full time care...say in cases where the bio Mum has passed away or left....and the child sees more of the Step Mum than she does her own Mum....THAT is a SM....not the girlfriend of the child's Dad!

Bollocks to this, frankly. The strict definition of a step mum is the woman who is married to the childs father so regardless of the status of the childs mum, the step mum will still be a step mum if they marry the dad. This is also quite an unfair statement as it suggests a woman cant take a parental role in a childs life if their mum is alive. My DSD has two sets of parents - mum and step dad, and dad and me. neither sets of parents are married and we all accept each others roles in DSD'd life. we are ALL her parents.

Daykin Fri 24-Jan-14 23:37:52

Believe me, saucyjack, it sounds weird. She has been doing it right from the beginning of their relationship, so after only spending a few hours with her dsd. She has been with the dad for 3 years and the dsd in almost 18 so it does sound odd when she calls herself 'Mummy' and I would have found it very cringy as a 15 yo if my Dad's new gf had said that. I also think it's odd to put stuff on FB that her actual mother can see "So proud of my beautiful daughter" etc. rather than 'So proud of Gertrude'. It's nice that she likes her but I maintain that it's odd. I think the 'this is our eldest' remarks are to get a reaction, tbh, given that there is less than 10 years between them. I don't know any other step parents who constantly say 'my daughter' instead of 'DH's daughter/my dsd/or their name. Maybe I'm sheltered. It's like that episode of Seinfeld when they're at a party and Elaine gets stuck with a woman who says 'my fiancé' over and over
She's a nice woman, and the Dad had fuck all to do with his dd for over 10 years before he started dating my friend so overall I think her impact has been very positive. I still think it's odd.

BillyBanter Fri 24-Jan-14 23:49:37

There is no way of looking at this that doesn't make this woman's behaviour decidedly odd. However your Ex has portrayed his relationship with his DD it's weird to talk about a DSD when you've never met and are only 6 weeks into a relationship. I'd be annoyed to but at least you know that anyone who matters, and even those who don't, know full well she's full of bullshit.

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