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To only invite who ds wants to to his party

(37 Posts)
Picturesinthefirelight Tue 21-Jan-14 08:47:37

I started another three about whether I can risk inviting all 14 boys out of a class to ds's party when the maximum number for the activity is 12

I was explaining this to ds this morning about how it's ok to invite 4-6 friends but you can't leave just one or two out of a whole class & he said but that's what everyone else does.

Apparently there have been several parties where invitations have been handed out & ds & one other child who happens to be ds's best friend have been the only two not invited.

One boy who ds plays with a lot told him he wasn't inviting him to a football party because ds might be scared (he's small for his age) & the other bit doesn't like football

He told me that bit made him feel very left out.

Thinking back ds hasn't actually been invited to a party for over 2 years (I'd just assumed people were scaling down)

Ds wants a big party- he's desperate to be popular but I know he can be difficult to get along with & struggles socially (ASD)

Part of me thinks why should I be concerned about not leaving people out but I know that makes us just as bad as them.

I also feel awful for not realising all this time.

OpalQuartz Tue 21-Jan-14 10:13:54

Makes my blood boil when parents hand out invites in full view of children they are leaving out. I agree Formerbabe Awful behaviour.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 21-Jan-14 10:16:20

The children not the parents hand them out. Parents arnt allowed inside school/playground from year 3 onwards.

Katnisscupcake Tue 21-Jan-14 10:44:15

The consensus from this thread seems to be half or all.

Well in a class of 24, 12 is half, which is what you're allowed and is who he wants to invite, so surely there is no issue. smile

It's a shame that you're not inviting a mix of girls/boys, but there will still be 12 not invited, irrelevant of gender so I wouldn't worry.

I am dreading all this starting though... So far the parties that DD has been invited to (4 since she started in Reception in September) the whole class has been invited as there are only 22 in the class. But as they get older that will change and I suspect that DD will get left out as she is friends to everyone, but not close friends with anyone... sad

AndWhenYouGetThere Tue 21-Jan-14 11:01:11

10/14 boys 10/24 of the class, plus 2 from the other class.
Seems fine to me.

cupcakeicing Tue 21-Jan-14 11:16:31

Think this gets easier as your child gets older. DS just had a tenth birthday disco, inviting the whole class of 26 plus his cousins. He was aware that a specific bunch of 4/5 boys (the bully boys and their henchmen) wouldn't be there or even reply to the invitation.
Everyone who came had a ball but there was no awkwardness at the handing out of invitations.

AwfulMaureen Tue 21-Jan-14 11:54:06

Cupcake I have noticed with my own DD who is also coming up ten that there has been a resurgence of whole class parties recently...I don't know years 3 and 4 it was fashionable to have smaller it's all discos and gun wars...and the whole class comes which is nice.

TheNumberfaker Tue 21-Jan-14 12:03:39

Invite the two from the other class and nine from his. That leaves 4 boys not invited. Sounds fine to me.

Hersetta Tue 21-Jan-14 12:05:33

DD is fairly discreet and puts them in classmates drawers - the TA would then put them in bookbags when adding reading books at the end of the day.

At 6 (and even the previous year) she is fully aware that she doesn't get invited to all her classmates parties (especially the boys ones where it seems hardly any girls get invited) and it doesn't bother her in the slightest. To be honest if her classmates can't deal with not being invited to hers, it really is up to their parents to educate and explain the realities of the world to their child. Why should she invite the class bully who has caused her physical injury on more than one occasion this school year alone?

It's her party, not mine and she decides who she wants to attend.

Timetoask Tue 21-Jan-14 12:13:58

I would never leave only 1 or 2 children out. Even if my DS would have been left out at some point, I tell him it is not a nice thing to do and we will not behave like that, we will invite the child that left him out. I want him to be a nice person.

MistressDeeCee Tue 21-Jan-14 13:46:48

Its his party - he should be allowed to invite who he wants to, without being influenced by anyone else. Children have rights too. How would adults like it if when they had a party, they were told who to invite/had to accept input on who to invite, from others? The amount of threads on here about this kind of thing...just makes it sound too stressful for the bday child, maybe just do a 'tea' and have their good friends there rather than making them possibly anxious about issues which worry adults more than children.

UniS Wed 22-Jan-14 08:09:06

how about ignoring what class the invited kids are in. ask Ds for 6 names, then ask him for another 5. if you get a few from not his class great. As you only want to invite 11 that is less than half his class. be a little discrete with invites, don't send him in with all 11 on same day. Staggered over 3 days most kids won't notice who is/nt invited.

WooWooOwl Wed 22-Jan-14 08:23:54

You wouldn't be leaving only two children out if you invited 11, the girls count as children of the class too!

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