To get pissed off some days with living with a fussy eater.(137 Posts)
He is perfectly capable of making his own meals but it's nice for us all to sit down and eat the same meal of an evening.
He is rubbing off on ds which pisses me off the most.
He has annoyed me tonight with his fussiness, I could happily tip tomorrow's tea over his head right now.
Frustrating is an understatement.
I just don't get how you can dislike all fruits or all vegs. I mean a banana is so different texture-wise and taste-wise from say a grape, or an apple.
I understand disliking certain things, I understand disliking a texture (ie all types of fish) but all fruits or vegs?
An the fact that PPs are saying that when the vegs are well hidden then the fussy eater will eat just seem to prove the point that they are not disliking the taste of the food, they are disliking the idea to eat this food. No?
I don't know if YABU in your particular situation but a lot of the comments on this thread are unreasonable and hurtful. Things like this:
Fussy eaters are a right royal PITA
It is a 'right royal PITA' to be a fussy eater. It's not done for amusement or benefit, it's a nightmare.
Because I'm such a 'fussy' eater, I can't go to dinner at people's houses, can't go out for dinner unless I know people really well and/or have looked at the menu online and checked if I can cope with it and struggle at almost every social occasion because they always involve food. There are many reasons why I've never been able to hold down a relationship but food is certainly one of them. I'm just too difficult to be around and I know that but it's not a choice.
Then, even when it is family or close friends and you think they know and 'get' you and they say they just want you to be comfortable and not to worry etc - you still find out they say things like the above about you behind your back.
I was a fussy eater as a child, as was my younger brother, but it was mostly down to my mother being a terrible cook. I survived on cheese sandwiches and tea and tinned spaghetti. Once I was old enough to cook for myself and turned vegetarian, I had to develop a taste for vegetables I would normally have refused to eat and these days I'm an adventurous eater.
I am phobic of bananas though, have never been able to get past it. My mother once fed me banana bread, telling me it was nut bread and 'surprising' me afterwards and I still haven't forgiven her. It's not even the taste of it, I hate how it looks, how it smells, those little bastard flies that live in it if it's been out for any length of time, it's the colour of piss and I even hate the name. Spent a large part of the Minions movies shuddering and not because those movies were shite.
My friend has a similar reaction to fish. She's fine with tropical fish, live and swimming around in the ocean, but any kind of river fish sends her screaming for the door. Apparently when she was very small she was flicking through the channels and came across a documentary about river fish breeding and then dying, and the camera captured a full-on view of dead fish clogging up the water. It was so traumatic to her as a child she can't even walk past the fish section of the supermarket.
I'm a fairly fussy eater (mostly regarding fish) and my DP has complained about it.
However, I do most of the cooking in our house and pay for the groceries, so I don't think I should have to eat stuff I don't like.
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I also don't get the idea that people with Aspergers, supertasters etc don't exist in developing countries. Of course they do! Being a supertaster is down to how taste buds develop, it's not fussiness but a medical issue.
I am not fussy at all and like strong flavours but have IBS which means that there are some foods that I love but can't eat, and others I can only have a little of. I also have a few textural issues - beans are out, as are anything wet and crunchy like cucumber or raw onion. But that's really not much and as an adult I have every right to decide what I do or don't want to eat. What I DON'T have the right to do is be rude to people because of what they've served me, or to refuse all foods in xyz category, or only eat chicken nuggets ffs.
kind of want chicken nuggets for dinner now though oops
How rude of him.
Of course it's reasonable to have a few foods you don't like and therefore never eat. But as others have said the whole "ALL fruit and veg are evil" thing is just silly, and when you have children, irresponsible.
Very rude too! To turn his nose up at your cooking I mean :/ its just horrendous manners more than anything and a terrible example to your ds
YANBU Op. I live with my Son (10 months) Husband and Dad atm. It's chaos. My dad won't eat any carbohydrates, only meat/fish. My husband won't eat any kind of fish, only carbohydrates. Husband also not fussed on fruit or veg but I am slowly turning that around. Bloody nightmare.
IMO, it's completely reasonable not to like some things, e.g. I dislike avocados. To cut out an entire food group with the blanket statement of "not liking vegetables", for example, is childish. It's also an unhealthy attitude to food and I would not be happy with that being passed down to the children.
Fussy eaters piss me right off, so YANBU! Especially adults.
The things he eats are limited and, while not the work of the devil, NOT varied or good enough for him, or more importantly your household, to be eating. Chicken nuggets, spam and chips are not a balanced diet.
And it's downright irresponsible for him to leave fruit and veg out of what he cooks for your DS just because he doesn't eat them. Does he not care about DS's health?
You need a sit-down and a proper talk, OP. He needs to let or make DS have fruit, veg or salad when he's feeding him. If he cooks for the family he needs to cook you balanced meals with veg. If you are cooking and he says he won't eat what you're making, your response is 'Fine, make your own or go hungry but DS and I are having this and we're eating at x o'clock.'
Sound like you made a good swap between ex and dp enormouse!
Anyone giving a person with life threatening allergies grief over their menu choices is a grade A *****.
squoosh I do but I don't like having to do it. Luckily dp is very vocal and makes a point of double checking things and stressing that it's perfectly reasonable for me to do so.
A few times I've been made to feel like I'm really putting people out. My ex was awful about the whole thing - if I made a fuss I was being difficult, if I had a reaction I was being difficult and it was my fault for not stressing the point. I've also had comments made along the lines of 'you're worse than a vegetarian', 'you're not allergic, you just don't want to get fat from eating cakes' etc etc.
Fine if someone likes chicken nuggets and chips, but saying 'ewwww yucky' to all fruit and vegetables and disliking anything that isn't chicken nuggets and chips is absolutely ridiculous in an adult!
Not rude, factual.
How is it anybody's business to be able to say it's pathetic and childish if an adults favourite meal is chicken nuggets and chips? How rude! So what if it bloody well is?!
I think I could cope with fussiness (to some extent) as long as it wasn't accompanied with rudeness.
I do nearly all the cooking at home. My DH is a fussier eater than me, though not majorly fussy. If it's a meal he doesn't really like, he'll still be perfectly polite about it - occasionally he'll leave something, or have a small portion.
We are both really strict with the kids about that too - it's okay for them to leave stuff, but no shouting 'Yuk' or wailing 'Dooooonnnn't liiiiiiike iiiiiiiit' or similar. It's just rude.
enormouse if you have allergies so severe that you need to carry an epi pen you should absolutely make a 'fuss', although in your case it isn't a fuss at all, it's ensuring you stay alive.
peppin I identify with your DH. I have an egg and nut allergy and carry an epi pen. I hate making a fuss about it as I don't like putting people out or seeming like I'm being difficult about not eating something.
Meant to say my father hates cheese. I'll eat it cold and love it but not cooked at all, but he won't go near cheese full stop. He has always hated it.
When he was young, his parents realised it wasn't just a bit of dislike, he seriously had a problem with it. Whether now he'd be checked for some allergy or something, who knows. Anyway, at his primary school, they were often served cheese, which he would leave. Unfortunately it was a rather old-fashioned school and they would make him eat it. At which he would be sick. The school continued with this lovely policy and every time, he would be sick.
Understandably, his made it even worse for my dad. And one day he just couldn't bear to be sick again. So he bit the end off his own tongue so they couldn't make him.
I'm another who doesnt like certain things. A lot of it is to do with texture. Not keen on wet savoury food of any sort and will actively avoid soups, stews, casseroles.
DM used to serve these
always regularly because that was what DF liked.
Now I am an adult I can choose not to eat them. DH does the cooking and knows this. I would think he was being pretty unpleasant if he insisted that I ate them.
Of course I never look at what he is cooking and say yuk but being grownups we discuss meals and agree on things we will both like.
YANBU OP, the kind of fussiness that your husband display would drive me to absolute bloody distraction.
Everyone has a few foods they really don't like, that's perfectly fine, but for an adult to refuse all fruit and veg and for their favourite meal to be chicken nuggets and chips is pathetic. What a baby.
Fussy eater, Celine Dion fan, lives with his Mum - all good reasons for me to ditch someone after the first date.
My DH has genuine allergies which require an epipen, and even he is reluctant to mention his dietary requirements and not just eat what's in front of him. In fact, he has eaten meals before that have then made him ill, just so as not to offend the person who made them. Now that is stupid, I agree. But the reason he feels embarrassed to make a fuss is because he doesn't want to be lumped in with all the hordes of annoying fussy people with 'mild intolerances' or 'sensitive palates'.
I feel for your DH! I have a severe allergy and although I know I have a very real medical reason to make a 'fuss', it can still be horrifically embarrassing when I have to check that the meal I'd like is allergen free.
Most people are far more understanding of a serious allergy than 'fussyness' and acknowledge the difference, but there are a few who assume that saying 'I have an allergy' means you're trying to be trendy/cool/whatever.
I think there's a difference between fussiness and not liking raw tomatoes or mushrooms, neither of which dh likes or mackerel (I can't face it) and being generally fussy.
Noble if you came to my house I wouldn't use tomatoes. It isn't difficult to make dishes without them. But wider fussiness as in all vegetables is rather wearing and being 40 odd and only eating nuggets and chips for example is childish and people with fussiness this extreme should try to widen their eating range a little, if only for health reasons. Surviving on proceeded chicken and chips isn't great for anyone.
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