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To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

(334 Posts)
PMDD Mon 13-Jan-14 08:07:57

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

MrsOakenshield Thu 16-Jan-14 14:38:02

Up until year 3 all parties, including my DD's, were class parties.

has it occurred to you that perhaps some of those parents were paying for parties that they could ill afford because of the attitude of people like you and the OP? We can't afford to do a whole class party, so we won't. But I hope that there are no parents like you who would proceed to ostracise DD because of our finances. And I hope that you wouldn't teach your DC that this is, in any way, a nice way to behave to children.

AT DD's nursery it's a mixture, and as often I don't know the parents of the party-giver I have no idea when we accept if it's going to be a whole class party or not. But presumably you think that we should decline any whole class invites as we won't be 'reciprocating'? I actually don't want DD to know that there are people in the world like you who would make the judgements you are - who would think that she shouldn't attend because we can't afford a whole class party.

You sound really really horrible.

ElsieMc Thu 16-Jan-14 15:15:25

One set of parents at my GS's primary school exclude one child from the class each year. Sadly, it is my GS's turn to be "punished" this year. I was stopped by another parent who mentioned how sorry she was. As I avoid school gossip, I just felt it was aimed at me for some reason or other.

Apparently they did this to her son in his first year and he was heartbroken. I take the view that I would not want my GS to attend a party hosted by these people and my GS has said he does not want to spend time with this child. It is heartbreaking how maturely he has dealt with this and it is a hard lesson to learn at 7.

I think parties are a loaded issue and I have perhaps been a bit immature in the past and sulked on behalf of my lovely GS. In future, I am having a family party for him with people who love him and ask two friends up a few days before just to play and have tea. I am going to remove myself from petty playground politics as this is second time round for me as I am now bringing up my grandchildren. From thirty years of experience I can tell you some things never change!

jay55 Thu 16-Jan-14 15:20:42

If there are kids who never have a party id be reluctant to exclude them, if there are those that always do but don't include my child then to reasonable not to invite them.

But once friendship groups are established its easy enough to just invite a few.

BlueberryWoods Thu 16-Jan-14 16:18:55

Every year my DC's friend says "I'm going to have a birthday party this year!" And every year you know they won't as, I guess, the parents just can't be arsed organising it (fair enough I suppose - but sad for the child). It would be awful if they didn't get invited to other parties because of this.

babybearsmummy Thu 16-Jan-14 16:38:46

Some parents can't afford parties for their children, so why should their children be punished for this by not being allowed to other children's parties?

Quite a horrible way of thinking if you ask me. Isn't it nice to invite the whole class/ group so that everyone feels equal and so that the children who can't have their own parties get a chance to join in with others and enjoy the experience??

gamerchick Thu 16-Jan-14 16:45:08

Did the OP ever come back?

alemci Thu 16-Jan-14 16:47:30

I think it is better just to invite a few dc if you are short of money. we always had some sort of party but tended to invite a few dc my dc's were friendly with and to try to reciprocate party invites as much as we could. we never had whole class parties.

Ok some people cannot afford parties but they could have a couple of special friends over for a birthday tea or something.

ocelot41 Thu 16-Jan-14 18:58:13

I put a ceiling on ten guests for birthday parties and 3 each for Halloween. Small house and garden, limited means, and easily wired DC. They get to choose who they want the most. I would probably keep a 'weather eye' on who has invited them but would never take offense at the reverse! But 300 quid per party! Bloody hell, not many people have that kind of income!

chateauferret Thu 16-Jan-14 21:50:26

YAB completely and utterly U.

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