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AIBU?

to think the loss of my mum at 85 was tragic

132 replies

highho1 · 12/01/2014 23:22

Sorry this is a bit of a thread about a thread but it has got to me.
My mum died following a fall at 85. She may have only has a few more years left if she hadn't had the fall.
But at least than she would have possibly met her final grandchild. (My 3rd dd)
Aibu to think the loss of a older person can still be tragic.

OP posts:

Report

Jinsei · 12/01/2014 23:23

Of course it ca

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 12/01/2014 23:26

yanbu. my mum is 82. I hate the a good age thing.

Jinsei · 12/01/2014 23:26

Oops, posted too soon!

Of course it can - just because someone has led a long life, doesn't mean that their death can't be tragic. Depends on circumstances really, and the perspectives of those describing it.

I'm sorry about the loss of your mum. :(

McFox · 12/01/2014 23:31

Sorry for your loss

It is clearly a tragedy to you and your family, and I really don't believe that age has anything to do with it.

McFox · 12/01/2014 23:32

Sorry for your loss

It is clearly a tragedy to you and your family, and I really don't believe that age has anything to do with it.

elQuintoConyo · 12/01/2014 23:32

Yanbu.

McFox · 12/01/2014 23:33

Sorry for your loss

It is clearly a tragedy to you and your family, and I really don't believe that age has anything to do with it.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 12/01/2014 23:33

Any loss can be (is) tragic - anyone we love will be missed and mourned :(
I'm sorry about your Mum OP :(

AlfAlf · 12/01/2014 23:34

Yes, and you should have had a good few more years with your dear mum if it wasn't for the fall. I'm really sorry xxx
I glimpsed that other thread but couldn't read fully or post, I'm sorry if it's hurt you.
My granny passed away at 99, she was on her way for a while (well, 6 monthsish, after 98 years of being pretty much fit as a fiddle) and we couldn't have been more well-prepared for it.. We still all felt the loss like a terrible blow, even though we knew she'd had her time and had a life full of love.
But this was your mum, and she should have had more time. Hugs x

ComposHat · 12/01/2014 23:34

Upsetting for you and those close to her and of course you grieve her loss, but given that we all have to die, I wouldn't personally see someone at a ripe old age, dying instantly fom a fall (I hope I got this bit right, if not apologies) a tragedy in the conventional sense. If someone offered me thst as a way to go, I would prefer it infinitely to cancer or dementia.

McFox · 12/01/2014 23:36

Sorry, having phone issues.

IneedAwittierNickname · 12/01/2014 23:37

Of course its still tragic

Sorry for your loss

Goldmandra · 12/01/2014 23:38

It's awful to lose someone you loved deeply and will miss terribly.

I miss members of my family who have passed away, especially my aunt who died nearly 14 years ago and I still think of her often and wish I could take her to places I come across that I know she would have loved. She adored my DD1 and never got to meet DD2 who is named after her.

However, to lose the older generation of your family is expected and the natural order of things. It's something we think about and mentally prepare ourselves for from the time we first learn about death as a child.

Losing a grandparent isn't something that one would expect to find so devastating that one was still missing days at work six months later. In order to maintain our mental health we have to find a way to begin functioning again and living our own lives alongside grieving the person we have lost. Otherwise our life ends with our first bereavement.

That level of incapacity from the death of a child would be more understandable and the death of someone very young is seen as more tragic because they have missed out on so much that those who live to an old age get to experience.

Elderly people who die still leave enormous holes in our lives.

jellybeans · 12/01/2014 23:41

Yanbu. It is tragic to lose any loved one.

echt · 12/01/2014 23:46

Sorry for your loss, highho1. Yes, death at an older age is still tragic for those close to them, and I think that much of the "good innings", while well-intended can diminish the significance of the loss. It's for the bereaved to say, not their comforters.

minmooch · 12/01/2014 23:48

I am sorry for the loss of your Mum. I think it can be very sad for the person mourning the loved one that they have lost. And sad for the things that person will miss.

I think tragic would depend on the circumstances really. It is the use of the word tragic that probably causes disagreement from others.

If someone has been able to live a long life, achieved things, got married, had children, met grandchildren then to me that is a great life to celebrate. Not minimising the sadness of that person passing.

My viewpoint is that I have a terminally ill 18 year old son who won't have the chance if a long life or to achieve marriage or kids (if that is what he had wanted). To me that is a tragedy.

It is all relevant to the individual.

peggyundercrackers · 12/01/2014 23:55

Of course it is still a tragedy - age has nothing to do with it. I hate when people say but they lived 'til a good age... What does it matter their age... I still miss them terribly! I know when the time comes for my parents its going to be a really hard thing to deal with for me. Sorry for your loss.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 12/01/2014 23:59

Of course. My DM died just after her 70th birthday. DD will not remember her. She never met DB's DD's.

Of course it is tragic. 39, 49, 99. Still a tragedy.

BackforGood · 12/01/2014 23:59

What composhat and goldmandra said.
I think most of us feel devastated when he lose a parent, but while that sad personal loss is hugely significant, and sometimes qite devastating to you, it doesn't mean that it is 'tragic' as that has quite a diffent meaning from an elderly prson passing without a long drawn out illness and loss of dignity or long periods of pain.
Sorry for your loss.

fortyplus · 13/01/2014 00:02

So sorry for your loss.

I would say that a person's death at this age is not tragic in itself, but that it would be fair to say that your mum died 'after a tragic accident'.

hoppinghare · 13/01/2014 00:04

I am so sorry your son is so sick minmooch.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/01/2014 00:07

minmooch

lookoveryourshouldernow · 13/01/2014 00:43

...sorry for your loss - my Mum died this week too - so I know what you are going through... she was 84 ... she had a good innings but not such a good "outings"...

BlingBang · 13/01/2014 01:01

Sorry about your mum Op, my mum died in her 60's - way too young and it was awful and hurt like hell. Wouldn't call it a tragedy though of course it is heart breaking to those of us who loved her. i can't help thinking that getting to an old age, having family around who love you and really grieve your passing is somethng to celebrate - no matter that it still hurts when they pass. I knew of parents whose children died not long after my mum and even though I was grieving for my mum this really affected me and really was tragic.

Minmooch - so sorry about your son, that goes beyond awful.

Oblomov · 13/01/2014 01:02

Sorry for your loss.
Maybe tragic is not the right word.
I am not disputing the loss or the sadness.
If someone dies suddenly, unexpectedly, that is different to having an very elderly parent who has had numerous falls, is becoming more fragile.
Dh's mum is like this. I love her, she is lovely. She is 84. We have talked about how she is becoming more fragile and we might lose her sooner rather than later.
This won't affect the sadness and tears, that dh will have when it finally does happen.
But it will not be entirely unexpected.so I wouldn't think that 'tragic' was quite the right word.

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