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My ex refuses to wash the DC school uniform

(60 Posts)
Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 21:39:11

I know I am not BU I need to vent.

Initially friendly separation turned into highly acrimonious divorce once ex had met new "lady".

He point blank refuses to wash the kids uniforms when he has them (6 items of clothing) he's sent it back unwashed saying they have already done their white wash/washing/it's too many clothes/washing machine broken. Although they wash her DDS uniform hmm and send mine (16 and 14 now) back with filthy clothes (he also tells them they have to shower here before they get into his car because they "smell" they still choose to go hmm).

Over the years I have not bothered to push it, but this weekend I was away for the entire weekend and unable to wash their uniforms. DS1 etched his dad Thurs and asked if they could please use their washing machine this weekend to wash their own uniforms. No was the reply we have had this argument before.


Kids had to wash them here quickly and hang them out before he picked them up and he had a go at then for keeping him waiting.

When do they realise what a prick he is and not go?

lizzzyyliveson Mon 13-Jan-14 12:05:46

Where are they showering before they get in the car? If they are at home, can't they leave the uniform with you and put on fresh weekend clothes before they get in the car or does he make them walk to the local baths and get showered before he collects them?

GreenPetal94 Mon 13-Jan-14 11:51:18

I think your ex sounds terrible. There are bound to be loads of issues for your poor kids.

However in terms of the uniform I would just buy extra sets, we have done that here and it saves so much stress just in the normal domestic run of things. You can always pass it on or sell second hand if it is grown out of before its worn out of.

Nousernameforme Mon 13-Jan-14 10:20:47

It is technically against their human rights everyone has the right to water and sanitation for hygiene reasons if he is refusing to let them wash at his house. I would guess it is her that pays the water bill my step mother used to pay for the phone and electric bill and as such we weren't allowed to phone out or give the number out for people to phone us hmm and she used to watch the electric meter like a hawk never allowed cups of tea or to heat food up put heaters on etc. It is just her trying to control you another way.
I second leaving taps running boiling full kettles maybe phoning the speaking clock or 118 from their landlines petty but oh so satisfying

Sparklysilversequins Mon 13-Jan-14 09:26:59

How does that tie in with making then shower before they get into his car because they smell? frogstar

FrogStarandRoses Mon 13-Jan-14 09:22:15

I imagine the DCs are well aware that their Dad is in an abusive relationship and feel a level of responsibility and loyalty towards him.

When a parent is subject to abuse, their priority is to keep their DCs safe, and to minimise the impact of the abuse on the DCs. I imagine the DCs Dad is only too aware of the damage being done, but he believes that it is the lesser of two evils and the alternative would be far worse for them.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 09:10:19

It's very surprising they want to go to his house. Do you think they feel a duty to go OP? Or are they worried they're missing out in something if they don't go?

BruthasTortoise Mon 13-Jan-14 08:36:27

See at ages 14 and 16 I wouldn't stress about things like this. The kids know what's happening - they know they can either go to school in dirty jumpers or see their Dad. Let them get on with it - it's all going to be over in a few short years and their Dad is going to be the ultimate loser.
Tbh the having to have a shower before they get into the car thing would bother me so much more. Presuming that they don't smell them that's actually a really cruel (nearly abusive) thing to do on a person i.e. tell them they smell, when they don't. Talk about making them paranoid.

schokolade Mon 13-Jan-14 08:31:30

No big deal about wearing the jumper for 6-8 hours for 5 days running. When I was at school the jumpers were dry clean only, so people went until half term! Although for the convenience aspect I agree it would probably be worth 20 pounds for a spare.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:26:40

And actually, that was your only contribution to the entire thread, to have a pop at me. grin

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:24:44

How odd, to have a pop at a question from another poster, then carry on your bizarre point when that question is answered, and then pretend its the other person that had a problem all along. Very strange behaviour.. But however you get your kicks and all that

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 08:21:40

Someones having a bad day allnew! Never mind we all have our cross to bear! Hope you have a good day and you snap out of it!

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 08:03:43

hmm it wasn't exactly rocket science, but since you were clearly confused I spelt it out

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 08:02:36

See allnew you did make your point!

CouthyMow Mon 13-Jan-14 07:49:33

That's not expensive for a Secondary uniform. It's about normal. I pay £7 for a pair of fucking PE socks with delivery.

God he's an arse, Gossip.

Tbh, I'd just buy an extra jumper. It's crap, and you shouldn't have to - but you can pass the Y11's jumper down. Not worth the stress on the DC's tbh.

And your Ex in an abusive relationship WILL eventually realise this - it took my Ex 7 years to leave, and he's now realised what a twat he was to his DS1 in that time too.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 07:29:51

I wasn't asking you Jupiter, I was asking the OP.

Regardless of the exh problem, it sounds a problem in itself that the teenagers are wearing an unwashed jumper for 5 days running. What if they spill something on it on say a Monday? Dies that mean they go to school jumper less on a Tuesday? Never mind the hygiene aspect. The solution would appear to be to buy a spare jumper.

The uniform sounds expensive if you haven't doubled up on items OP, is it a private school?.

Cybercat Mon 13-Jan-14 07:25:31

He is an areshole I agree but could you change your uniform washing night to say, a thursday, and get the kids to hang them up over the weekend. Surely you can put one radiator on to dry jumpers. I know its a pain in the arse but dont give him the satisfaction.

JupiterGentlefly Mon 13-Jan-14 07:18:38

Your point being allnew?

Sparklysilversequins Mon 13-Jan-14 07:14:58

He's a first class twat obviously as is his GF.

I'd find a way to get new jumpers though just to take the steam out of this particular situation.

allnewtaketwo Mon 13-Jan-14 07:08:23

Can I just ask, if you can't dry the jumpers overnight and they on have one each, does that mean they were the same unwashed jumper for 5 days running every week ??

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:42:19

He cut him out two yrs after he met her (had him once a week at her house).

We our divorce went through I was really ill (undergoing serious treatment) and not able to deal with everything (working full time looking after all 3 DC with no extra input from him) promptly so it took longer than it should.

As "revenge" he then refused to do anything he had agreed to do in the statement of arrangements for the children and stopped everything including seeing DC3.

FruitbatAuntie Sun 12-Jan-14 22:41:55

I'm speechless. What an arsehole!

I can't imagine they will continue to want to go there forever. They will see him for what he truly is. In fact, I'm sure they already do, but probably hope he will change given time.

How can anyone behave like this towards their own flesh and blood? I just don't get it!

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 22:37:42

FGS what a cunt he is. Hopefully they won't bother for much longer!

BillyBanter Sun 12-Jan-14 22:34:41

Did he cut him out when you split or when he got together with his current gf?

Inertia Sun 12-Jan-14 22:33:31

He sounds awful- doing it to make life more difficult for you but is actually making things hard for his own children. Nasty piece of work, sounds as though the GF is worse. TBH I would report her for harassment if it's ongoing, and Ex can make separate arrangements to see the children.

Gossipmonster Sun 12-Jan-14 22:26:01

No because then the kids wouldn't be able to go and they want to sad

We have a DC3 who isn't his who I posted about a few weeks ago. He brought him up as his own until he was 9 (2 yrs ago) and allowed him to call him dad but cut him out.

I HATE him angry for doing this to the family we agreed to create.

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