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To tell my daughters they are pretty?

(161 Posts)
Sleepingugliness Sun 12-Jan-14 19:32:13

Do you believe, like me, that they will grow up thinking looks matter because thats the world we live in, and I'll be damned if i'm not going to try to protect them from all that hell and make them believe in their own beauty. Cameran diaz has written something on the subject and says we shouldnt tell young girls they are pretty because it reinforces the notion their worth is defined by their looks. I agree we should praise young girls for other stuff too but I know I will tell my daughters they are beautiful, not least because they absolutely are and always will be.

formerbabe Sun 12-Jan-14 19:33:33

Always tell them they are beautiful...the higher their self esteem with regards to their looks, the less likely they will be to stay with loser blokes when they are older.

Crowler Sun 12-Jan-14 19:34:24

I don't have daughters but if I did I'd surely tell them they were beautiful. It sounds a bit hysterical to do otherwise on principle.

CocktailQueen Sun 12-Jan-14 19:34:42

No! Tell them they are beautiful, but also praise their other good points too. High self esteem is a good thing!

CHJR Sun 12-Jan-14 19:35:21

Well, are they pretty, objectively? grin no mother can be objective.

I tell my sons they are beautiful, and my daughter she is clever and hard-working, and vice-versa too. My husband should say more often how good I look, though I am not gorgeous -- but he should love me enough to think so or at least say so!

Sleepingugliness Sun 12-Jan-14 19:35:32

I'm with you formerbabe. I'll be telling my son the same too thing.

GrumpyRedhead Sun 12-Jan-14 19:36:01

I tell my daughter she is beautiful and I tell my sons they're gorgeous. It's the truth smile

AShowerOfBastards Sun 12-Jan-14 19:36:24

Couldn't agree more, self esteem is what counts and you're not just saying "you're pretty and that's all that matters" you are helping to build their sense of confidence in themselves, and praising them for both inner and outer beauty.

I tell my girls they are beautiful every day because they absolutely are.

Sleepingugliness Sun 12-Jan-14 19:36:28

Wow, a lot of replies! Thanks for the thoughts.

WooWooOwl Sun 12-Jan-14 19:36:41


Mikkii Sun 12-Jan-14 19:36:59

I always tell my daughters they are beautiful, it is true (although it will be more true when DD1 isn't missing her two top fron teeth!)

MammaTJ Sun 12-Jan-14 19:37:31

I tell my DDs they are beautiful, I also tell them they are smart and clever and funny and kind.

I tell DD1 she has a big bum, and DD2 that she needs to calm down a lot bit too.

They know their younger brother has a small thing that makes him look a bit 'odd' to some, so know better than to judge themselves and others on look alone. I do tell him he is handsome though, because he is.

NewBlueCoat Sun 12-Jan-14 19:37:33

Is it ok if I tell me dds they are beautiful if I also tell my ds he is beautiful?

I do tell my dds they are beautiful, but also clever and funny and kind and cheeky and, oh the list is endless (because my children are just wonderful, obviously grin)

I think if I only fixated on the beautiful part ten it could be a problem, but there is more to th than their looks, so I praise it all (and same for ds)

AnythingNotEverything Sun 12-Jan-14 19:38:18

I think it's ok. I prefer beautiful to pretty, but pretty fades and beauty or attractiveness lasts forever.

I also think it's important to also tell them they are strong and clever and funny and imaginative etc etc.

If you only emphasise "pretty" they have nothing else to build on.

SinisterSal Sun 12-Jan-14 19:38:24

As long as you tell them they're clever, brave, kind etc just as often or even more often. That's what I'm aiming for. Other relatives are always praising their looks so I try to redress the balance with their other qualities.

Crowler Sun 12-Jan-14 19:38:27

Yes, I tell my sons all the time how gorgeous they are. They are! So cute!

FrauMoose Sun 12-Jan-14 19:38:50

I'll say stuff like 'that colour suits you.' Or 'your hair looks good like that.'

But not anything more than that. (She's 16.) On the other hand she seems pleased if I do dish out that sort of feedback.

She will ask me sometimes if a particular garment looks okay. So I suppose I feel comfortable talking about aspects of appearance, fashion etc.

Bluestocking Sun 12-Jan-14 19:39:01

Of course you should tell your daughters they're beautiful, as well as wonderful in lots of other ways. Everyone deserves to feel that their parents think they are the best thing since sliced bread in every way. And as most of us aren't beautiful, it's particularly important that our parents, partners and children think we are and tell us so regularly!

domoarigato Sun 12-Jan-14 19:39:45

Cameron Diaz is a moron.

SecretRed Sun 12-Jan-14 19:39:51

Surely the main reason Cameron Diaz is where she is today is mainly due to her looks though?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 12-Jan-14 19:40:17

Have you read this. I think she makes a few good points. There is nothing wrong with telling little girls they are pretty, as long as hard-working, brave, strong, kind etc. etc. get into the mix as well. So often, however, pretty or cute is ALL little girls hear. Certainly it is the FIRST thing they hear. That is an issue.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sun 12-Jan-14 19:40:25

Absolutely tell your DD she is beautiful. Beauty may not count for much ultimately, but self esteem certainly matters.

I also tell my teenage DSs that they are gorgeous - although they think me mad for doing so ��.

Only1scoop Sun 12-Jan-14 19:42:04

I always tell my dd she is beautiful inside and out.

LegoCaltrops Sun 12-Jan-14 19:42:09

Tell them they are beautiful, pretty, clever, smart, fortunate, & that they can do pretty much anything if they work hard enough. We tell our DD she is beautiful every day, we have done pretty much every day since she was born. It's rubbish to think that looks don't matter, even if it's just in a minor way. I'm very plain, I know that. It hasn't ruined my life! But I do know that I would feel better about myself if my parents had bothered to make me feel better about my appearance when I was younger. I'd be more confident & probably got a lot further in life.

KatyMac Sun 12-Jan-14 19:42:12

DD & I have always had an argument about the fact I don't think she is pretty

I have always maintained she is drop dead gorgeous!! (photos on profile) & that pretty is such an understatement for her wink

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