My DP is a twat isn't he?

[LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA]

Disclaimer - i love him really, but i am mighty pissed off

So DD has had lots of lovely christmas presents - too many really, especially as she decided she absolutely must hve a furby at the last minute and we were able to get one with club card points. She also got skylander swap force and other things. I honestly think she had way too much and she has presents that she hasn't even looked at. Thats the background.

DP announced last week that disney infinity was on sale - that he wanted to buy it with money that he got for christmas. Fine, his money, but i felt a bit guilty so i gave him £20 of mine - so half each. He comes home wiht disney infinity plus two characters at £10 each - so thats £60, less than a month after christmas.

Today we go shopping and DD asks for a further character - i said no. We can't afford all of this spend, we have had to fork out for a new tyre for the car, we need to replace two fence panels and life is expensive. OK so DP's work is going well, but we aren't well off enough for these things.

More importantly, he buys DD whatever she wants - she only has to flutter her eye lashes and do the little princess look and she has what she wants. This is not the message i want her to have - she doesn't appreciate anything because she never wants for anything, never has to wait for anything or save her pocket money for things. So its not a big deal to her - to me, disney infinity is major present material, so birthday or xmas - i wanted him to buy it and put it away for her birthday but no, he couldnt wait - to be fair, he plays it too. She hadn't even asked for it FFS.

Yes it was lovely when he hid it in the hall and asked DD to go fetch the shopping bag he forgot, and i heard her going up the stairs singing "i'm such a happy happy girl"

He is a twat isn't it?

or am i a miserable old grinch?

[FaerieBells]

Dunno. What is a 'Disney Infinity'? (What is a 'Skylander Swap Force', come to that?).

How old is your daughter? I hate to say it but yes, she does sound a bit spoilt ('she decided she absolutely must have a furby at the last minute').

Sounds like you're peeling away a lot of tenners to buy a load of crap toys that may be over-hyped and actually quite worthless.

[PiperChapman]

unfortunately I know lots of.background stuff on your husband ( based on previous threads of yours) so I find it impossible to.view this in isolation.

but yes I think he's a twat. and unpleasant in.general to you

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

A bit misguided yes, but i really wouldn't agree hes a twat based on the information you've given

[SecretNutellaFix]

He's certainly not doing your dd any favours, and if it is affecting the ability as a family to meet other monetary needs ( repairs, living costs) then yes he is being a bit of a nobber.

Does he have a full idea of the household budget and accounts? Has he seen it set down on paper, and understand what has to be met first before splurging on treats?

[Littlefish]

I think you are being sensible. She has just had lots and lots of new presents, not all of which she has played with. He could have bought her the Disney thing and kept it until her birthday.

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

What is it? .some sort of game?
Computer game?

If you can't afford it then yes he's a Pratt esp this close to Christmas if she's got stuff she's not even looked at

[Joysmum]

I have the same battle with my DH. He does it because he wants to spend more time with our DD and feels guilty.

[rainbowfeet]

He is too soft yes but I was married to a tight arse who counted every penny... That's worse!!!

He is still as bad now.. He gave dd £40 for her last birthday.. She was 10.

[Neitheronethingortheother]

Whats wrong with £40 for a 10 year old?

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

Forty quid sounds quite good to me

[TwatWeevil]

My DH is a softie too. He was all set to go out and buy a new bike for DD yesterday "because she needs one". I had to point out that it's only a couple of weeks since Christmas, and we agreed to compromise on looking out for one on eBay, which we will put away for a couple of months.

As a PP has said, he does it because he doesn't spend as much time with her as he would like, due to work, and wants to compensate for that.

[TidyDancer]

Rainbowfeet - what's wrong with giving a child £40? Unless you mean it's too much?

OP I think you need to have a chat with your DP and agree what you're going to do in future. This is not really the kind of thing you can each have your own strategy with.

[rainbowfeet]

£40 from her high earning father is not enough in my opinion... Wouldn't even buy her a decent pair of trainers!!

[Littlefish]

Rainbow - £40 sounds entirely appropriate for a 10 year old to me. What do you think it wrong with that? Presumably you bought her presents/gave her money too?

[Lilacroses]

£40 is a fortune to a 10 year old!

[Littlefish]

But £80 from her parents as a combined sum, is a lot of money.

[TidyDancer]

Bloody hell. You did mean it wasn't enough! That's absolutely plenty for a child. How much did you expect?!

[SecretNutellaFix]

Not to a 10 year old who it appears only has to click her fingers at Daddy and gets what she wants.

[SecretNutellaFix]

BTW, I am in my 30's.

£40 is a lot of money to me for a present!

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I just had to look at your user name to answer that question, haven't read your post but YES

[frugalfuzzpig]

Yes he's being daft. Disney infinity is definitely birthday/Xmas present material, unless perhaps you're rolling in it (if only, eh?)

Yes it's a computer game for those who are wondering! I kind of want it but will wait for next Xmas I think

[rainbowfeet]

Sorry to hijack... We are separated .. I bought her a phone, took her out shopping gave her £50 to spend, had lunch & had her hair cut & blow dried & nails done on our girlie day!!

His income is probably 4 x's mine he also said he would take her on the London eye.. Thank never happened!!

We all have different parenting views mine is to give as much as I can without getting into debt so she can be as equal as possible to her peers. She is by no means spoilt (I can't afford to do that) but if I am able to get her the same stuff that her friends have. & wear then I will ... It makes me happy

[frugalfuzzpig]

I think year-round buying stuff at the whim of DD is more likely to turn her into a spoilt child than a lot of Xmas presents.

A DI figure is the ideal item for her to start putting pocket money towards, if she wants another one...

[Littlefish]

Rainbow - like you say - we all have different parenting views. I think that £40 from him, plus approximately £150? from you, is more than enough for any child. In fact, I'd say that nearly £200 is quite excessive, and certainly more than I would spend. We have the means to afford that amount, but I just think it's un-necessary.

[LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA]

Bloody hell - can't even post a light-hearted thread about him spoiling DD without people raking over the past. You must have long memories. Yes DP and I had our issues and we had some serious issues with money. Thankfully we are in a good position now but i still think it was a waste of money - and we can afford to repair the fence, thanks all the same. Piper - i am actually a little bit hurt by your comment :(

I honestly don't know why he does it - spoiling her, he certainly isn't making up for not spending enough time with her, he is very hands on as a dad. They have a lovely relationship, but he is making a very big rod for his own back being too soft and i don't like having to be bad cop.