My DH NEVER EVER ever, ever, ever put ANYTHING away!!! More of a WWYD than a AIBU.(62 Posts)
Does anyone else out there have this to contend with?
I have done being sugary sweet, joking and going absolutely blue-in-the-face-mad about it.
I swear that at least 98 per cent of the time he has NO IDEA he is even doing it.
I know that I am a 'everything in its place' kind of girl and then he is a 'drop it when you have stopped using it' kind of boy. I had accepted that and have for years PICKED UP AND PUT AWAY EVERYTHING.
Lately it has been getting on my nerves.
Anyone else out there have/had this 'problem'?
mameulah Sat 11-Jan-14 21:10:10
>>>> My plan is to train both my babies to be tidy so that at least then there will be three of us nipping my DH's head about it and I won't look like such a cow. <<<<
Good luck with that. My DC seem to be copying DH rather than me, but I'm still doing my best to train them.
I have used the technique my mum used on us as kids: if you don't move x / put it away, I'll throw it away when I tidy up. It does sometimes work .
My DH is so bad, it took the first 15 years of marriage to break his habit of washing his hands and then leaving the sink water running!!!
I think it may be a form of mental illness in him. But it's inducing another form in me... You are all my witnesses, should I
accidentally murder him one day.
Put everything he leaves in a box - socks, bills, towel etc and just keep shoving it in.
I take Toe's approach but it does mean a stand-up row at least once a year about how the vital item he needs isn't on the coffee table a year later. ARGH!
Mind you I have had female colleagues who are equally good at not putting things away.
I feel your pain. I once put all of DP's shit in his work suitcase. Pens, unironed shirts, receipts, chocolate wrappers, letters, coins of all currencies, odd socks, foreign plugs, everything without a place went in there, crammed full it was. He didn't notice which says it all. A few weeks later he began packing for a trip and looked surprised when he opened the case. Found it hilarious.
Same as I do with DD if it gets too much - though adjust for your DH
I collect everything of DDs into a bin bag & then empty it into her bed. She then gets sent to bed early so that she has time to put it away
So for your DH, fill - his side of the bed, his car, his favourite chair - he will get the message
My DH doesn't actually like anything being put away. He can't remember where anything lives so having things in a pile on the floor/side means he can find it easily. He still asks exasperatedly what drawer his socks/pants are in when he's getting dressed occasionally. He thinks it's a conspiracy to make his life more difficult. In our old house i just bought a massive laundry basket and put everything in it dumped in the corner of the room, hoping to 'teach him a lesson'. Then he told me how brilliant it was, now he knew where things were and wasn't that a clever idea of mine
I mentally divide the things he leaves out into "his" and "ours".
Our stuff (tea towels, kitchen stuff etc I tidy up on the ground that I care where it is and he doesn't.
His stuff I DO NOT TOUCH. I leave it exactly where it is be it a tax form, cufflinks or dirty clothes. It is not unusual for a pair of his shoes to sit in a heap at the bottom of the stairs for days.
However, we have a system of tidying up the kitchen, and living area together every night before bed so the most used part of the house is cleared every day.
Oh I feel your pain too... DH has many many redeeming features, but an ability to put stuff away is not one of them. The DC seem to be copying him, not me, too....
Are you talking about my dh?
It drives me mad he's away quite a but with work and I swear the house is less messy when he's not around to help. He literally gets up at the last possible minute in them ironing and causes chaos!
I get accused of nagging, it's reached the point now where of he leaves clothes on the floor I just put then back in his wardrobe unwashed, on the basis that if they're dirty surely he'd put then in the wash.
Other crap I put into a carrier bag and chuck that in his wardrobe too.
You can probably tell I've reached the end of my tether
I leave post it notes on things, sometimes humourous
As in 'hello I am the screwdriver you used last week' 'please put me away',etc
I also do this with DC lunchboxes I.e. eat me first.
My DH is like this
drives me insane MIL admits that it's because she would walk around picking up his dirty washing, shutting doors and putting the cereal or milk back. I've told him I'm not his mother but I can't live in an untidy house, so I just end up tidying away. Not even worth the argument now.
Mine leaves drawers open in the bedroom. Huge oak heavy ones. Which I leave open if I a. Feeling really wound up about it and he walks into them on his way to bed in the dark....and remembers to close them
for about a day
I spend HOURS dreaming up solutions to this..... My favourite would be to gather up his lunch pots ( he's the only one home for lunch) out them in a washing up bowl and put them on the seat of his car - that way he'd notice, right?
Or just to gather up all the random 'stuff' and put it in the bed at his side.
But then I'm worried that he'd do exactly the same to me for whatever I do that annoys him!
I tried a tangential approach over Christmas when all the kids were back for the hols and said " if only everyone would put away the stuff in the right place after they've used it!' In an exasperated voice right in front of him. He said, ' I know, they're messy aren't they'! He just doesn't see it...
Will keep checking back for the right answer!
It may have to be one of those things you put up with because you love him! My DH is similar although has massively improved over the years. I know that I don't paint (as in decorating, I'm not Monet) the 'right' way according to him. He puts up with it, just as I put up with him not keeping the house exactly to my standards.
My DH is a bit like this, although he has improved. If it's His Stuff, then I put it on his desk or under his side of the duvet although even then he's been known to get it out and leave it on my dressing table!
If it's Our Stuff then I put it away, sometimes having a chunter while I do it. He doesn't care where it is; I do.
He also leaves every sodding light on. I obsessively turn them off. If he's been really bad I turn the lights off in the room he's in (temporarily) and when he moans I say I'm redressing the balance!
It definitely comes from having a MIL who did everything for him.
My ex did this as well. So I just stopped cooking, washing, and cleaning except stuff for myself. He couldn't understand why I was being so horrible, sob sob. Still didn't understand when his next lady did the same sort of thing. Eventually his Mum apologised about him to both of us. She had waited on the selfish sod for years, even rolling his socks down so they were easy to put on. Mothers!
DH never puts the recycling out, despite the bins being just outside the kitchen door. He piles up boxes, bottles etc beside the sink until I eventually break and put it out. One day I put it all in a bin bag and onto the driver's seat of his car. It did not good whatsoever. The bag lived in the boot for over a month.
I don't know what the solution is. I remember mentioning it to my MIL once and her response was 'well you married him'. To which I replied, 'well, you brought him up!'
Dh and I both have drop it tendencies. I like to think I am more aware though and make an effort to curb my natural state.
I still get annoyed at dh when he does it
I can often find myself muttering about him leaving his clothes on the floor whilst stepping over my own.
I sometimes daydream about living alone then I'd only be cleaning up after myself.
Dp is like this and it drives me insane.
If he dresses ds he'll leave the wardrobe door open - why?? Surely it takes no effort to close it.
If he makes anything to eat, he'll leave everything out, like evidence that he's bothered to make something.
The shoes are another problem - just takes them off everywhere and leaves them. They could go in the hallway with the other shoes, but no they lie in the middle of the floor waiting for me or ds to fall over them. He has enormous feet and tends to wear dms and caterpillar boots. They're like fucking canoes.
Luckily ds, at the age of 2, is showing no signs of taking after daddy. Puts his toys away, runs to bin wrappers and bits of rubbish for you and ambles about with a huge broom.
I threaten to send Dp to live with his mum till he learns. That works for a short while.
So if he puts nothing away-does that mean that you pick up after him-an adult-and he's OK with that?
Put it in a box in the garage, don't tell him. One day he'll realise he has no socks. You can then point him to the ones draped over his other things in the musty box in the garage.
He'll learn, if he doesn't then you may have to go down the bonfire route....
I make my DH call me 'mummy' if I have to tidy his shit up. I stand there holding his crap, and say "either you get up now and put this away, or I will, but you must ask mummy nicely to do it!". I think it embarrasses him enough that I only need to pull this stunt rarely.
I also employ the incredibly mature trick of pretending I can't see his mess, and so will stomp all over his discarded jacket, run the filthy pram wheels over his shoes etc. Any objections get a lecture about why they are on the floor etc etc.
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