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I feel sick at the thought of this hen party

(158 Posts)
KittyLane1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:12:01

I'm due to go to a hen party next month. Bride is the fiance of DHS close friend. She has turned from a really nice person to major bridezilla this has resulted in her arranging the wedding to suit her family/friends entirely and left his out, as a result, DH and I are evening only guests and since that means traveling from nearly London to Edinburgh, we are going to have to decline.

The main problem is the hen party. She is an older first time bride and nearly 15 years older than me. Her hen party is a sit down meal and old school disco in fancy dress, mainly attended by her family and a few friends. Sorry I'm rambling, here's the thing, she has invited DHS ex, the ex he cheated on me with when dd was 3 months old, the ex who bragged about it (god knows why) to all mutual friends, the ex who nearly broke up my marriage.

Dh said he would put me in a nice spa hotel to male a real weekend of it but when I mentioned his ex he got huffy and retreated to the man cave. It's still a sore point for us.

So am I unreasonable for not wanting to attend a hen party dressed as tinkerbell, face his ex and not even get invited to the wedding? I don't want to piss off the bride bit I don't want to spend all night miserable and avoiding the ex.

SauceForTheGander Sun 12-Jan-14 10:17:47

I am also normally in the camp you said yes you can't bail. But with plat try if notice and valid reasons you have nothing to feel awkward about.

And if DH is smarting over deposit money tell him to start a thread in AIBU - we're here to help with these life quandaries grin

SauceForTheGander Sun 12-Jan-14 10:18:13

Sorry - plenty of notice

KittyLane1 Sun 12-Jan-14 11:09:01

Part of me does believe dh because when I confronted him he seemed genuinely shocked and upset. I knew him for a year before we got together and we have been together 6 years, cheating would be out of character for him. Plus the ex once lied about being sexually assaulted when drunk (he admitted she lied) so it would not be out of character for her to lie to cause trouble. However the texts speak for themselves.

Dh has suddenly become very supportive of me not going and has made a big effort to make me feel good. Compliments, a massage, ran me a nice bath etc.

I think the bride just invited everyone she knows to be honest

KittyLane1 Sun 12-Jan-14 11:10:09

She admitted she lied about the assault*
The assault had nothing to do with dh, different guy

plantsitter Sun 12-Jan-14 11:16:00

I recently didn't attend something that was going to make me feel shit for different reasons.

How often do you get to go out and spend loads of money on having fun on your own? presumably hardly ever. Plan something else that you can actually look forward to rather than dread. You don't need to prove yourself, you need to look after yourself and that meansspending free time and money on things that will build you up not test your strength.

Well done for not going.

diddl Sun 12-Jan-14 11:21:55

You don't want to go & it seems you won't.

But if there was no cheating & you believe that, then why would you let her being there stop you if you did want to go?

Now I'd be suspicious of his turnaround!

piratecat Sun 12-Jan-14 11:30:04

did you not think when you accepted the invite that she might well be invited too?

is she a good friend of the bride to be?

KittyLane1 Sun 12-Jan-14 12:03:51

No she is not a good friend of the bride, more of an old school mate of the groom.

I accepted in July, found out yesterday that ex was going

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