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I feel sick at the thought of this hen party

(158 Posts)
KittyLane1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:12:01

I'm due to go to a hen party next month. Bride is the fiance of DHS close friend. She has turned from a really nice person to major bridezilla this has resulted in her arranging the wedding to suit her family/friends entirely and left his out, as a result, DH and I are evening only guests and since that means traveling from nearly London to Edinburgh, we are going to have to decline.

The main problem is the hen party. She is an older first time bride and nearly 15 years older than me. Her hen party is a sit down meal and old school disco in fancy dress, mainly attended by her family and a few friends. Sorry I'm rambling, here's the thing, she has invited DHS ex, the ex he cheated on me with when dd was 3 months old, the ex who bragged about it (god knows why) to all mutual friends, the ex who nearly broke up my marriage.

Dh said he would put me in a nice spa hotel to male a real weekend of it but when I mentioned his ex he got huffy and retreated to the man cave. It's still a sore point for us.

So am I unreasonable for not wanting to attend a hen party dressed as tinkerbell, face his ex and not even get invited to the wedding? I don't want to piss off the bride bit I don't want to spend all night miserable and avoiding the ex.

JennyOnAPlate Sat 11-Jan-14 14:25:50

Don't go. Tell bridezilla exactly why you are not going. If dh doesn't understand why he's an enormous twat.

lilyaldrin Sat 11-Jan-14 14:26:01

I don't know why you'd go tbh.

pigletmania Sat 11-Jan-14 14:26:31

Who cares of her reaction, she's not your friend. Why should you out up with it just because she will stamp her feet and rant.

KittyLane1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:27:08

Sorry to drip feed

Dh denies cheating, although texts on his phone suggest otherwise. She originally bragged about it to mutual friends, taunted me with information about my house I.e the wallpaper colour to prove she had been there. However when someone told HER boyfriend, she denied it. Some mutual friends believe her when she says it didn't happen, some sided with me.

I completey agree that DH is the one who wronged me bit still, bragging and taunting is not on.

I'm slightly tempted to turn up looking fabulous and chat to my friends all night but I know il be hurting inside

Birdsgottafly Sat 11-Jan-14 14:28:31

I agree that your DH should be bending over backwards to support you in not going.

If you aren't the Brides friend or part of the day celebration, there isn't an obligation to go to the hen party.

This will stay with you, if you go and it will fester.

The Bride is BU if she creates a fuss for you not to have to sit in the company if a woman who shagged your husband when you had a three month old and didn't even have the grace to feel ashamed and remorseful about it.

Don't go, kick your DH into touch over his attitude.

MairzyDoats Sat 11-Jan-14 14:28:41

Act enthusiastic until the day before and then get 'ill'. Is anyone going who could be moral support for you?

eurochick Sat 11-Jan-14 14:28:45

So the options are lose deposit or pay more money to go to an event you don't want to go to, and be around people you don't want to see? I know which option i would be choosing.

sebsmummy1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:29:53

Oh just lie and say your son/daughter is poorly or something and drop out. I know it's bad form to let people down at the last minute but I wouldn't want to go under those circumstances either and at least with an emergency type excuse you can avoid a big deal bring made of your absence.

HoobleDooble Sat 11-Jan-14 14:29:54

I'd let my very gobby, straight-talking, extremely defensive best mate go in my place!

Birdsgottafly Sat 11-Jan-14 14:30:38

"She originally bragged about it to mutual friends, taunted me with information about my house I.e the wallpaper colour to prove she had been there."

You have been "wronged" by the pair of them.

She has treys to undermine your relationship (jealousy over the pregnancy?), you never have to be polite to her.

Floggingmolly Sat 11-Jan-14 14:32:06

Who gives a shit about her making a Brideszilla fuss? And if your DH would seriously make a fuss himself; I'd have his arse on a plate.
What's his problem? hmm

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 14:33:07

Why would the OP need to lie and fake an emergency or illness? IMO she needs to make it abundantly clear that she chooses not to go, and why.

And her husband should man up and stop behaving like some kind of misunderstood victim.

Belchica Sat 11-Jan-14 14:34:14

Why do you not want to piss off the bride? If she invites London based friends only to the evening part of her wedding in Edinburgh, its probably because she doesnt care if they can make it. Token gesture. Get DH to book that spa hotel for you both instead of going to the wedding/hen. Sounds like you need that more than anything.

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 14:34:21

Flogging I suspect his problem is that he's as guilty as fuck and doesn't want to face that.

risingsunshine Sat 11-Jan-14 14:35:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TartyMcTart Sat 11-Jan-14 14:35:58

Just say no thanks. To the hen party and the wedding.

Logg1e Sat 11-Jan-14 14:38:36

Your reasons for going:

1) How will going and spending even more address the issue of the deposit? Look up "Sunk Cost Fallacy".

2) The sooner you tell the bride, the better. I doubt she'll be that mad given she hasn't even invited you to the (free, open-to-the-public) wedding ceremony.

3) Your husband will make a fuss? How??

Logg1e Sat 11-Jan-14 14:39:46

And how is your husband planning on supporting you at the evening do, in front of this woman he either have had an affair with or who has spread lies about you?

mrsjay Sat 11-Jan-14 14:40:00

she isnt your friend you are not going to the wedding you dont go to the hen do , i am not being funny but are you just having a moan about the ex going which is fair enough it seems weird you are both invited and not going to go anyway

EduCated Sat 11-Jan-14 14:40:19

Don't go. It won't be a fun or relaxing evening for you. So what if you lose the deposit? It'll still be cheaper than going. You don't he to do this.

Birdsgottafly Sat 11-Jan-14 14:42:30

I am gobby and straight talking, but I know this doesn't suit everyone, but I wouldn't make excuses.

You don't have to be polite to twats, you have the right to stand up for your relationship, especially once you have given birth.

Tell everyone straight why you are not going.

This woman isn't fit to be in your company, you are not lowering yourselve to sit in hers.

Sometimes being the bigger person is standing up for what is right behaviour and not allowing anyone to attack your family unit.

whereisshe Sat 11-Jan-14 14:46:35

Life is too short for this kind of angst. Obligatory social occasion attendance is only applicable if it's someone you care about. Why worry about upsetting someone you don't like? I wouldn't go if I were you, both because it sounds boring/expensive and because it will make you miserable.

KittyLane1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:52:07

Dripfeed sorry! It's been 3 years since the cheating incident, I know I should be over it by now but it still hurts. I know if I pull out I will be accused of dragging that up again.

I was looking forward to going, a night out is a night out, my friend is going and has promised moral support. I know she will be brilliant, she always is but I'm still shaken. I only just found out ex is going via fb, the bridzilla didn't even tell me.

Dh will cause a fuss because I'm dragging it up again.

KittyLane1 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:54:53

I don't want to give her the power of knowing I didn't go because she was there sad

MsAspreyDiamonds Sat 11-Jan-14 14:59:01

Do not go, say you have other plans and it's not convenient for you to change them now.

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