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To not understand why ex is taking paternity leave?

(287 Posts)
marleyandme2014 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:59:16

Split with my ex shortly after finding out I was pregnant.

Not had much to do with him during the pregnancy - not once had him ask me if I needed anything for the baby etc which I feel is a bit off - however all of a sudden he is contacting me asking for my mat b1 form so that he can claim paternity leave!

I thought this was for fathers who would be spending their time with the newborn - not in this case though - he said quite blatantly that he wants to use the time to catch up with friends and buy a car.

So as not to drip feed, I am with my long term partner again now - pregnancy with ex not planned of course but me and my partner are very happy and he will be fully involved in her care and upbringing. We will be getting married in the summer.

AIBU in thinking he is unreasonable, or is this OK?

MammaTJ Fri 10-Jan-14 22:00:55

Give the form to your DP and tell your ex to do one!

He is the one who will actually need it!

ThePinkOcelot Fri 10-Jan-14 22:01:34

I wouldn't give him it. The whole point of paternity leave is to spend time at home with the baby and mother of said baby. As this certainly isn't his intention, he wouldn't be getting it. Cheeky git to ask!

MatriarchMommy Fri 10-Jan-14 22:02:14

He just wants the holiday from work.

MooMa1d Fri 10-Jan-14 22:02:19

I agree with Mamma! Your OH needs the form, not ex!

Broodymomma Fri 10-Jan-14 22:03:03


WhoNickedMyName Fri 10-Jan-14 22:04:00

You really need to ask? Really?

Of course don't give him the form, it's for fathers who want to spend the time supporting their partners and bonding with their babies, not deadbeats who fancy some time off to catch up with their mates.

marleyandme2014 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:04:28

I should mention (sorry) - my partner doesn't need it as he is self employed anyway and so will just be taking time off to be with us without receiving 'paternity pay' as such.

WallyBantersJunkBox Fri 10-Jan-14 22:04:40

Are you having the baby during the world cup?

Perhaps he wants to catch up on the football with some pie and Bovril.

NinjaBunny Fri 10-Jan-14 22:05:23

Er, no.

Sounds like your DP will need it.

He'll be the one taking care of you both!


If your ex wants a holiday he can take annual leave, surely?

MissMalteser Fri 10-Jan-14 22:05:38

Hi is being beyond unreasonable! What did you say when he asked? I would be totally upfront and tell him the form was already In use by your dp, who actually wants to use it for its actual purpose

fedup21 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:06:40

Of course he's being an arse! What have you replied?

MissMalteser Fri 10-Jan-14 22:07:33

The fact your dp doesn't need it wouldn't change my mind one iota, tell him you're selling it on ebay and he can think if it as a contribution towards the baby grin

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 10-Jan-14 22:09:38

Tell him to take annual leave and a running jump

marleyandme2014 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:10:01

At first I said I would look into it an get back to him. I'm the sort of person who needs a bit of time to digest things o figure out my thoughts on the matter.

After thinking about it (and some reading up online) I told him I didn't feel comfortable giving him the form as he wouldn't be using the leave for its intended purpose.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 10-Jan-14 22:11:29

OP did he respond to your message?

marleyandme2014 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:12:44

I also wondered whether he has actually told his employers that we aren't together and he wouldn't be looking after the baby during his 'leave'. I asked him about this and he said they are fully aware of the situation. I somehow don't think he is telling the truth about that one.

Thank you everyone for your replies, good to know I'm not the only one to think he is taking the p.

Bloodyteenagers Fri 10-Jan-14 22:12:50

Omg, sorry but that is so funny.
He really has a massive pair of balls.
I would text him and ask him if it was an early practical joke?

Mim78 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:14:55

Do you have contact details for his employers? I would be tempted to contact them and let them know, especially if he asked again!

squoosh Fri 10-Jan-14 22:18:19

Cheeky fucker!

I'd have laughed loudly in his face and told him a big fat 'NO'.

fedup21 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:21:26

You have said no, haven't you? From your post, it sounds like you haven't?

marleyandme2014 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:23:48

To be honest I am tempted to contact his employers, if only to find out if he is lying about them knowing or not.

I know that would make me seem malicious so I probably wouldn't do it.

He is one of those who makes out they are holier than thou... So annoying.

fedup21 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:25:34

OP-what have you says to him in reply?

Iwannalaylikethisforever Fri 10-Jan-14 22:25:36

Tell him to piss off.

fedup21 Fri 10-Jan-14 22:25:45


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