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More of a WWYD...

(63 Posts)
JulietBravoJuliet Thu 09-Jan-14 02:33:44

Browsing a dating website, I've just come across a friends partner. They've been together 6 months, site says he has been online within the last 30 days. Describes himself as looking for fun but nothing serious.

Do I tell her? I'm angry on her behalf!

CheerfulYank Sun 12-Jan-14 03:49:07

I would most definitely tell.

ihatethecold Sun 12-Jan-14 07:20:55

I don't think you should be messaging them with fake requests, you just getting yourself in deeper.
Just tell your friends.
Let them decide what to do.

JulietBravoJuliet Sun 12-Jan-14 09:40:05

Literally all I messaged was "Hi there smile" I've not engaged in conversation, just wanted to know whether they were active accounts or not. Second one not replied yet, but if there's nothing by the end of today, I'm deleting the account as, being as his photo is very recent, I'm fairly convinced he's actively seeking someone. Seeing both friends this week, separately, so guess I'll break the news then sad

LindyHemming Sun 12-Jan-14 09:50:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sun 12-Jan-14 09:55:22

Good luck telling your friends. It's the right thing to do.

MammaTJ Sun 12-Jan-14 11:28:08

You have to tell them, I would want to know.

How awful for you and for them.

zipzap Sun 12-Jan-14 11:38:44

Could you get your friends to help you look online with you and see if they can spot anyone that looks good for you? Then they could discover it for themselves...

Terrortree Sun 12-Jan-14 12:58:55

I think you are doing the right thing however can I caution you that you could potentially lose two friends.

I did something similar and as the 'bad new bearer', I became the one in the wrong. Some people really do prefer to live in blissful ignorance.

That said, I would want you as my friend.

Halfrek Sun 12-Jan-14 16:03:59

This sucks OP but you are doing the right thing.

CakePunch Sun 12-Jan-14 16:12:57

Is there a way you could tell them but not say its you. Letter through the door or something? You may well get shot as the messenger.

BuzzardBird Sun 12-Jan-14 16:14:29

God, poor you Juliet. Bet you feel like the grim reaper? I remember your ny post, did you have a good one in the end?

JulietBravoJuliet Sun 12-Jan-14 16:18:08

BuzzardBird New Year's Eve was a whole other thread! Ended up in hospital with a head injury due to getting very drunk and falling over blush

Things are looking up now though!

BuzzardBird Sun 12-Jan-14 16:26:16

Oh god, yes sorry, I remember now blush hope you have a much improved 2014...hope we all do smile

comedycentral Sun 12-Jan-14 16:50:46

What a hideous position to be put in! OP if you are my friend tell me I would rather know!

Good luck wine

JulietBravoJuliet Sun 12-Jan-14 16:58:07

Thank you smile I'm not looking forward, in the slightest, to being the bearer of bad news, but, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would want to be made aware.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 12-Jan-14 19:39:57

Do it before they get pregnant for crying out loud. If you can't do it face to face, print out the screen shot with today's date on it, and pop it in an envelope and send it to them.

Could you act a bit stupid/naive?

'Dear Friend

Opps, just found this <insert link> whilst searching on the site, looks like <insert name of asshole b/f> forgot to deactivate it - better remind him now you're all shacked up'! smile

RandomMess Sun 12-Jan-14 20:29:46

I hope you've got copies of the info where you messaged them and they replied so they can't wheedle out of it!

JulietBravoJuliet Sun 12-Jan-14 20:54:49

I'm going to do it face to face when I see them both this week. Can't drive at the minute so I'm not able to get to see them sooner.

JulietBravoJuliet Mon 13-Jan-14 21:43:24

Just an update:

Couldn't wait til I saw them in person as it was playing on my mind too much. I've sent them both an email along with a screenshot of their beloved's dating profile and just a lighthearted message saying, "Was surprised to come across this the other night when I was cyber-stalking myself ex! Probably an old profile, so might be a good idea to mention it to him to remove it, as it gives off a bad impression and it's been worrying me a little if I'm honest! You know where I am xx"

The screenshots clearly show that they have been active very recently. I'm not going to mention the little chat I had with one of them unless I have to.

Hope I've done the right thing, I've been worrying like crazy sad

RandomMess Mon 13-Jan-14 21:48:11

I think you have done the right think - you've alerted them without being shot. The may choose denial but there is nothing you can do about that.

TheNightIsDark Mon 13-Jan-14 21:51:50

Definitely the right thing to do. I hope they're both ok. What a shitty thing to do (the blokes, not you!)

JulietBravoJuliet Mon 13-Jan-14 21:54:49

The friend whose boyfriend messaged me back has just texted to say thanks for letting her know, she's currently shouting at him and in a right state but appreciates me telling her. Bloody bastard sad

foslady Mon 13-Jan-14 22:02:56

You have done the right thing OP, hard as it was to hit send. I hope if God forbid I ended up in their situations I have a friend like you. No one deserves to be treated like that by someone who claims to love them

JulietBravoJuliet Mon 13-Jan-14 22:16:20

I know I've done the right thing, I just feel bad that I've caused an argument between them but she needed to know. Not heard from the other friend yet, but I think she's working late tonight.

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