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to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

(559 Posts)
SeptemberFlowers Mon 06-Jan-14 13:48:07

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."


I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one hmm

RandyRudolf Mon 06-Jan-14 13:50:44

I'm with your DH.

HarderToKidnap Mon 06-Jan-14 13:50:53

I absolutely would have bought his daughter a token gift once I'd heard she was bringing gifts for your children. I think you need to call her and apologise.

livinginawinterwonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 13:52:04

I think if you knew she'd brought something for your DC, it would have been nice to get a token gift in return.

monkeyfacegrace Mon 06-Jan-14 13:53:13

What harder said. Shes a child, being singled out by not matching your dna.
Your sister said she was bringing pressies. A token gift was absolutley the right thing to do.

Innocentbystander01 Mon 06-Jan-14 13:53:19

I have only briefly met my uncles older stepson as we only saw my uncle and wife Boxing Day and the stepson was at his dads but I always gave them a token gift to give to him. It's just a nice thing to do.

GinSoakedMisery Mon 06-Jan-14 13:53:35

But he's not her new partner, they've been going out longer than a few months.

You should have bought his dd a token gift once you knew they were buying your DC a gift.

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 13:54:49

I would have got the child a small gift. Her text was rude but I think you were wrong.

SeptemberFlowers Mon 06-Jan-14 13:55:47

She even made a point though saying the gifts were from only her ?

We're talking a large tube of smarties for each child.

lottieandmia Mon 06-Jan-14 13:57:38

She shouldn't have texted you about it but you were wrong not to buy her boyfriend's dd a present in the first place. How mean.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 06-Jan-14 13:57:47

I don't understand why you haven't bought for your 'niece' - she bought for your children confused

If you think 18 month isn't long enough for you to think of them as an established relationship and for you to have a new neice - when would be?

Genuine question.

monkeyfacegrace Mon 06-Jan-14 13:57:52

So why couldnt you have bought a tube of smarties too?

Fwiw, that would have made my ds's day, he adores chocolate.

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 13:58:44

It was Christmas. You always get a visiting child a little something like a £1 toy if that's all you can afford.

poshfrock Mon 06-Jan-14 13:58:52

If you knew your sister was bringing presents for your DCs then a token gift for B would have been the polite and friendly thing to do.

lymiemum Mon 06-Jan-14 13:59:34

Did you know the child was going to be there?

HarderToKidnap Mon 06-Jan-14 13:59:45

What's wring with smarties?

You're coming off as a tiny bit childish. "It was only chocolate" "but SHE said they were from HER" etc. Fact is there is a little girl in your extended family and it would have been nice to get her a token gift.

playftseforme Mon 06-Jan-14 13:59:49

You should have got a little something for his daughter, I would have been mortified if my children had been bought gifts and i had nothing in return, regardless of who bought the gifts.

jacks365 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:00:01

You don't do presents for adults but you expect to be bought for your dc with absolutely no reciprocal arrangement and you think your sister is unreasonable.

livinginawinterwonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 14:01:33

But it must have been horrible for her DP's little girl to feel left out. She's a kid, she shouldn't be made to feel that way by some adults. You should have got her something - she doesn't deserve to get dragged into all of this.

Collaborate Mon 06-Jan-14 14:02:37

It's up to you really. I get a little something for my brother-in-laws children (despite sister saying I shouldn't bother as they'd stopped coming round to hers and I'd never see them again) as I think it's the right thing to do, but I only did this after they got engaged. Is your sister living with bf or are they just seeing each other? If the former I'd have been inclined to get her something, but not if the latter.
Your sister sounds a bit entitled though, and I'd find this annoying, not to mention her hypocrisy in not getting yours presents in past years.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 06-Jan-14 14:02:40

regardless of if you class this little girl as family or not is irrelevant.

If I knew i was visiting someone who had a child with them I would have gotten a small token present.

yourusername123456789 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:03:18

I'm going against the grain here and going to say that you are never wrong not to buy someone a gift. You weren't singling the child out because they didn't have your dna. If my sister were seeing a person for 18 months and that partner had a child it wouldn't occur to me to buy them a present if I had only met them once. If I were close to my sister and regularly saw them as a little family unit then yes maybe, but to me they wouldn't really be people I knew so why would I buy them a gift?

Since when is it ok to expect a present and get rude when you don't get it?

No I'm with you OP, I wouldn't have thought it uneccessary if you had bought the child a present but I definitely don't see it as rude if you didn't.

rookiemater Mon 06-Jan-14 14:03:20

Was C's daughter there? If she was then yes something like a selection box would have been kind, but if she wasn't there then no not terribly rude.
I don't think your reply was terribly helpful though, it might have been more diplomatic to say something like you hadn't thought of it, or you were sorry that they chose to take offence.

HarderToKidnap Mon 06-Jan-14 14:04:02

I read the OP as having previously met the daughter, not that she came with sister on that particular day. Even the thickest skinned of people would have surely nipped upstairs and wrapped something up if the little girl had been standing there watching the other children get their gifts!

yourusername123456789 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:05:49

Also, it doesn't sound like the kid was there, so how would they have felt left out?

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