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About ex's wedding

(28 Posts)
Gossipmonster Sun 05-Jan-14 22:18:41

Really do not know what to do.

Ex H getting married this yr.

We split 6 yrs ago. We have teenage DC and 1 DC who isn't his but who he brought up from a baby (we split briefly) and allowed to call him dad.

We had a fab relationship post split until he met his wife to be. She was horrible to the kids caused massive pain and misery via manipulating and abusing him to the point that I do not recognise the person he now is and he refuses to even communicate with me and communicates through the kids which I hate. They choose to see him even though they hate his DF.

For the first 4 yrs he continued to see his non bio DC (exactly same as his bio DC). Two yrs into their relationship (he moved in with her after 1 month) he cut off all contact with DC (then 9) which has caused untold hurt and pain.

WIBU to just leave the country for the week of the wedding (which non bio DC isn't invited to although still refers to him as dad), so that none of them attend?

DC said they weren't bothered at first when I mentioned it again today 1 of them got upset.

I am in such a quandary as DC who he has cut out is devastated not to be included.

SlimJiminy Mon 06-Jan-14 12:13:38

My uncle got remarried when his kids were coming up to their teens. We all went to the wedding, but it was honestly such a boring day - kids/teens sitting around while the adults chatted to family members, etc. The best thing about it was seeing my grandparents (always did love that) and the nice salad they had.

Let your kids go if they want to - I really don't think they'll look back on it with fond memories - I bet they'll be dying to get home! You could always do something spontaneous with whoever decides not to go and that way DC/s who do go won't know what you've been up to until they're home. If there's a feeling of loyalty, they'll be glad they went and it was boring/rubbish/a bit of a non-event than didn't go and always kinda wished they had.

cjel Mon 06-Jan-14 12:20:45

I would let them go and even get dc that isn't going to send greetings. Just becausse he is an idiot I don't think you should be too. DC who is saying he doesn't mind not going maybe saying something else to his dad and only saying what you want him to hear.
Although painful you can't stop feelings of uninvited son from being hurt whatever you do on the day.

haveyourselfashandy Mon 06-Jan-14 12:23:20

Let his bio dc go but please please plan something amazing for your dc that hasn't been invited to take their mind off it.

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