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Feeling upset about how the bar man spoke to us.

(113 Posts)
crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:22

We decided to go out yesterday after having all Xmas in,our local pub/restaurant is just two mins walk over the road,
We booked a table and had a lovely meal,myself,dh and ds (9) also hfa...

After our meal,we took ourselves to the sofa were our friends were sitting,there boys were playing on there iPods,so our ds joined in,
The boys were good as gold,
But one of the boys started complaining that he lost his games,his mum took his iPod off him and told him to calm down,so her ds ran down the restaurant and outside,leaving the door open,
She sat there....
My ds got up and said,"I'll get him" I said no,leave it,but he didn't listen,and he ran out to him,I followed straight away and ordered him back in,
He ran back to the seat!
I spoke to my friends boy and calmed him and got him back in,he also ran,he's 8.
The little boys asked his mum for the iPod,she said no again..he ran down the restaurant agin! My ds got up and ran after him!!
I got up again and ordered the boys back in and asked them to walk nicely....
They didn't!
The bar man then came to me and said if your boy doesn't sit down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Well...I wasn't very happy,
I said I'm clearly trying to get hi to sit down,we are regulars here and he's never stepped out of line!
He said nothing to the other mum.
The bar man repeated to me,like I said,if he doesn't behave you have to leave,I went over to the manager,with the bar man,I was pretty heeded off,I said I always keep check on my son in here,he's never allowed to run around and I got up each time (3times) and asked the boys to sit down,what more can I do?
He wasn't actually doing anything wrong!!
Besides,the loo is down there too...

The manager understood and (she's a personal friend) said I know your good parents,but you mate is not!
I pointed out we have been there for two hrs and he got off his seat 3 times!
To follow his friend....she understood and was lovely,
But he butted in at that point and said,if he doesn't stay seated then you have to leave....
I said we live in a small community full of family's,your restaurant has a sign welcoming children and was awarded5 stars for family pub!
I'm not sitting down getting pissed and letting him run around.
I got up each time....I'm doing my job being a parent why don't you do yours! He said I am and he has to sit down...
I told him he needs to work else where were kids are not welcome if he can't cope with a child getting up and down,

I walked off and a guy having a drink Interrupted me and said,he is only doing his job!
Omg I felt so angry and upset,we know the bar man,he joined us for my birthday meal,we don't socialise with him,but he's been in our company with others before...
I asked my friends who where there after,was I out of order,they said,we don't want to get involved...which upset me...
My hubby says I wasn't,he said he had not need to come over and tell me as I was clearly getting him to sit down,
In front of everyone to...
I don't know...we normally go there once a week for food but I'm feeling embarrassed now...

My friend was drunk,but not silly,she does let her ds run,I don't judge her for that,but wish I'd had some support of people...

Sorry for the long half of it was getting it off my chest!

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 21:55:46

OP your son and your friends son were running in a restaurant serving hot food and I expect boiling hot teas and coffees. This is a major safety hazard as well as bloody irritating if you are eating.
Despite being told this numerous times by everyone on here you refuse to accept it.
What do you want us to say? They should have been more understanding? So what would your post have been if you were in hospital with a child with a high degree of burns?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:12

Yes I can see what your all saying. Thank my friends wouldn't comment I did and ask for your option. Which I except.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:30

You only left after your son had disrupted people three times and you had been spoken to by the manager. You should have left after the first time it happened if you know he won't listen to you and keep running around.

Wolfiefan Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:56

Children should never run about in restaurants or pubs. They ran about (several times). You also sound like you were rude to him (telling him he should do his job?!)

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:57

X post - thank you for finally seeing it from another angle

dexter73 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:05

I think you should be annoyed at your friend who did nothing to stop her child running around, not the barman for asking them to stay seated.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:21

Frost lady what exactly have I not excepted,,,go back and read and see what I said

kali110 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:23

Yabu!!!iv worked in hospitality and hated bloody kids running around. The amount of times i nearly dropped food and drinks over the poor things!
The staff werent at fault here at all. They were doing their job. Bet all hell would have broke loose if the kids had have been hurt! I feel bad for the poor barman. No wonder your friends didnt want to say anything.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:37

Your friends were being tactful by not commenting. If they thought you were being reasonable, they would have said so. As they opted to say nothing, that means they thought you weren't being reasonable but didn't want to outright say it.

DrNick Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:43

God you sound like a PITA group.

jacks365 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:57:51

He kept repeating himself because you kept saying but. You should have just apologised for your son and agreed that if it continued you would take him home you yourself say you would have done so so why argue about it

hippo123 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:58:08

Yabu, the barman was only doing his job and it sounds like you put your manager friend of the pub in a very awkward position. Having two 8/9 year olds running around, where food and drink are, leaving doors open etc isn't on. Personally I think you should be annoyed at the other boys mother for not doing anything, not the staff.

HairyGrotter Sun 05-Jan-14 21:58:36

YABU, it also appears that you were speaking to the barman in a manner that is provoking and unpleasant

Juno77 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:00:11

It's accept not except.

And YABU. The bar tender was in the right.

maddy68 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:09

You were wrong. He was doing his job. I'm sure people had complained. I would gave to be honest. I hate young for a meal and feral children are running round.

foslady Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:18

OP, you are posting on here as you spoke to the bar man -but we left (after it happened 3 times), but he's always usually very well behaved (but not this time), but we go there regularly (so he should know that you don't run)......

sebsmummy1 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:51

I'm not going to give my verdict as to whether you are right it wrong. What I will say is take some time to calm down and then reassess how you feel. You obviously like the pub/restaurant and have friends there. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face and make it somewhere you no longer feel able to go.

BackforGood Sun 05-Jan-14 22:01:52

Of course YABU - you can't have any age children running around in a restaurant. They did it not once, but over again.
Can't believe you are even asking, tbh, that is SO clearly out of order.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 05-Jan-14 22:02:11

If the child had hurt themselves on their property it can have implications, he wasn't unreasonable at all.

WorraLiberty Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:01

You know you were BU and you've accepted that OP thanks

Running around an environment like that it not only dangerous for the kids, it's dangerous for everyone else too.

The barman was just doing is job and trying to keep everyone safe.

BrownSauceSandwich Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:11

I realise your son having ASD makes things harder for you both, but he does still have to live by the same rules as everybody else.

kali110 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:03:49

Possible the bloke who stuck up for the barman may have complain.
Agree with others that you also put your manager friend in a very awkward spot with her staff aswell

CoffeeTea103 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:01

Yabu, the bar man was right in telling you to repeatedly leave as you didn't seem to understand what he's saying. Bloody children running around, off course you should go and stop bothering people who came out to enjoy a meal.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:11

Wow please don't batter me...
I except it!
I did leave like I said,
I know he's doing his job,that's fair enough,
I feel gutted it ended like that...what more can I say,
Yes he ran,and I stopped him as I don't approve of kids running in restaurants...and we left

QuintessentialShadows Sun 05-Jan-14 22:06:50


The barman would not have needed to repeat himself had you not
1. Complained about him doing his job.
2. Managed to keep your children in check
3. Not starting to argue!

Part of living in a small community is to not expect preferential treatment when your children are a not only a nuisance but also a health and safety hazard, but to respect your community and its surroundings and other inhabitants.

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