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to wait until my toddler is old enough to reason with about her own bed?

(71 Posts)
jinglemel Sun 05-Jan-14 14:51:29

My dd is 19 months old. She bfs and co-sleeps at night, as did my now 6 year old who stopped feeding of her own accord at 2.5 and moved to her own bed a few months later without any fuss. I'm getting to the stage where I'd like my bed back and dd is beginning to understand laying down, being quiet etc when asked so I don't think she's too far off being able to reason with about sleeping in her own bed. Dp, however, wants her to move out now. Her being there doesn't affect him at all (she doesn't kick etc) and he isn't volunteering to try anything to get her in her own bed. Aibu to wait a few months and do it at dds pace?

mercibucket Mon 06-Jan-14 09:26:27

he prob wants lazy bedtime sex instead of make an effort sex. grin
we were the same. about that age or a bit older we got her a bed and did up her bedroom, then she slept there and came into our bed around midnight by herself

jinglemel Sun 05-Jan-14 22:09:39

Thank you ilovesmurfs that's how I feel. Friends of his haven't had sex for months/years despite doing their share of night wakings, IMO he gets the best of both worlds. He wants her in her own room rather than just own bed in our room so we can have more sex without the risk of waking her. And we don't currently have sex in our bed for whoever asked, there are plenty more rooms in the house! I don't go to bed at the same time as dd either. I lay down to feed her to sleep at around 8.30 then am downstairs with dp til dd wakes at around 11 p.m when I'm ready for bed anyway.

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 22:00:16

Indeed manual

ManualSpaniel Sun 05-Jan-14 21:56:53

Harriet I agree it should be a family decision, but, if you both disagree on a way forward someones opinion has to hold the most weight.

In this case - it's whoever is actually doing the night wakings IMO.

TheFabulousIdiot Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:00

Ds is three and doesn't even have his own room yet. I think you are perfectly normal. I would like DS to have his own room though, and have plans underway to create one.

PeggyUndercrackers' post made me roll my eyes.

Also there's nothing more annoying than another person telling you something should be done a certain way without wanting to get actively nvolved in making it happen and so for that reason your DH is an arse ;)

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:14

And I wasnt trying to be an arsehole with the sex comment, it was genuine astonishment

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:48:20

No in that it should be a family decision not a mother/child one

oadcb Sun 05-Jan-14 21:48:04

Ffs sex doesn't have to just happen in bed!

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:40

Doesn't or can't? I am guessing that if she is still breastfeeding, she'll want her mum at night.

jacks365 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:46:59

Jingelmel you mentioned that your dd cries in between you turning the light off and getting into bed so can I assume she goes to bed at the same time as you in which case when do you get any time for you?

I had to stop co-sleeping with my dd and move her into her own room because having someone near her was more distracting and since going in her own room she's slept a good 12hours a night or more whereas before she was waking up and wanting to play.

oadcb Sun 05-Jan-14 21:46:39

Cosleeping is normal! Except in western society it would seem.

OP you are doing a great job! Get a single bed for her room. Sounds like you'll get more space in bed.... Your DP can sleep in her room if he's so bothered

ilovesmurfs Sun 05-Jan-14 21:44:30

Oh yes the poor dp who gets sex every night despite them havign2 a toddler and doesnt deal with any of thr nigth wakings, thst must be really hard...

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:41:17

So do I harriet.

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:51

I feel a but sorry for the dp blush

Ham69 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:34

Haven't read other replies but I say go with your gut instinct OP. My DD co slept with me until about 2 as far as I can remember and weaned herself off bf. She now sleeps all the way through every night in her own bed and is very secure and confident. I think what you're doing is great and believe you're setting her up to be a well balanced and confident individual.

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:39:04

Can your DH sleep somewhere else? Spare room?

I know you are saying she doesn't kick, but she is still an extra person in bed, there is extra heat, and he might just feel uncomfortable with her being there.

Either you sort out a new place for him to sleep, or your DD goes into her own bed. I also think you are mad to try and 'reason' with a toddler.

ilovesmurfs Sun 05-Jan-14 21:38:04

Dont know about the op but toddler sleep and you can have sex in places other than a bed...

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:35:50

How do you have sex with a toddler in your bed?seriously?

ManualSpaniel Sun 05-Jan-14 21:33:30

OP do whatever gets you the most sleep.

Your DP has a say in the matter, but when there's a difference of opinion in this regard I think your view holds most weight. You're the one getting up, resettling, etc.

If he wants to do the night settling and try it - then hand the reins over. You can get some peaceful nights sleep grin

If it was me and my DP was being affected by cosleeping, I'd suggest he slept elsewhere for a short time. The time they are in bed with you is short in comparison to the length of a relationship.

We've compromised here. DD goes down for the first half of the night in her own room and on first proper waking (usually about 2am) she gets in with us.

ilovesmurfs Sun 05-Jan-14 21:22:26

We have co-slept won't all five of ours, youngest is just three and still in our bed. We have a toddler bed in our room for her to go into but she isn't interested in it yet.

Our elder ones all co-slept then moved into their own beds and own rooms age 2-3ish no problems.

Am sure dd will as well but we have no reason to make her, we have a big bed, dp and I are both happy to have her in our bed, they are only little for such a short time.

Of your dh was prepared to actually get up in the night and deal with her then I would say try it, but as he is leaving it all up to you then do what is easiest for you.

Ime they grow out of needing to cosleep and yes as her understandign grows it will be easier to talk to her about it.

loveandsmiles Sun 05-Jan-14 21:17:14

YANBU. I have 5 DC and all have BF and co~slept. Eldest co~slept until 5years, others have been around 2years and baby (10mths) is co~sleeping now. We have a super~king bed and have super~kings in 3 other bedrooms ~ the children sometimes sleep alone in their rooms or they co~sleep with each other ~ basically, as long as everyone is happy! they can sleep where they like! smile

They have all moved to their own rooms of their own accord and they all sleep the night through.

I appreciate this will not suit everyone but it works for our family. However, my DH supports this ~ it would be very difficult if we had differing views. Can you and your DH somehow reach a compromise? You do have to consider him too.

Monka Sun 05-Jan-14 20:44:55

We are on a separate floor to where my dd (5 months) will eventually sleep. i also co slept and bfeed and my baby hated the Moses basket. Plus co-sleeping meant that I got 9-10 hours sleep (interrupted 2-3 times for feeding) a night from early on. I think my dd could smell me and it meant she didn't wake that quickly. I bf laying down in a safe position so if I fell asleep I wouldn't smother my baby and it worked well for me.

At 15 weeks we pushed the cot up next to the bed and dd has been sleeping in it ever since. I think dd got used to the bigger space in my bed so the move to her cot was easier ( or maybe she was just ready for it.) Can this or a bed be something you try as another poster also suggested?

DD is in her grobag and can see me from her cot so she's been fine. I place her in the middle of the cot and she always moves to the side of the cot closest to me. She now only wakes for one feed during the early morning. It was my DH who also insisted on moving dd to her own cot but I'm glad he did as it worked for me and dd.

thegreylady Sun 05-Jan-14 20:23:32

Does she go to bed at the same time as you? It all sounds a bit claustrophobic to me but your child etc... however it is also your dp's child so maybe look for a compromise.Will she nap in her own bed?

MoreSnowPlease Sun 05-Jan-14 20:15:04

Didnt finish!

Also, wondering why you can't sleep on your tummy? I am breastfeeding and co sleeping in a super kingsize bed too with 18 month old and manage to sleep on my tummy...

MoreSnowPlease Sun 05-Jan-14 20:13:52

I'm in the same situation as you op, except me and dp have no problem with co sleeping.

I hate when people say "they don't need to feed anymore" who decides this? It's rubbish, even if they didn't need to feed for sustenance then who says that their need for comfort is not a "need"?!

Anyway, I understand what you mean when you say she would be hysterical about moving, I kmoe my ds woild be too

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