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To formally complain about this woman's flagrant disregard for the well being of my anus?

(90 Posts)
HoneyDragonling Fri 03-Jan-14 12:37:48

I have recently had a poo. It was quite pleasant, chatting to my brother through the wall. Then I shouted for my bum to be wiped. No answer! The feckless baggage was downstairs ironing my penguin trousers. This is being done because it's very important I wear my penguin trousers today.

I shouted louder. Then, then

She told me to WIPE MY OWN BUM!

Now I am perfectly capable of this task, but today I decided I was not and I know my own mind, right?

I shout repeatedly, and nothing. She just kept refusing.

So I had to do it myself sad. Then, to add further insult to injury, SHE came upstairs and said "Thankyou" (well I should think so!) and "well done, Honeydragonling". The patronising cow baggage hmm

I'm still sulking.

AIBU to be absolutely sick of this constant disregard for my NEEDS?

BrianTheMole Sun 05-Jan-14 02:36:04

Just do what I just did. Get in her bed and wee in it. That'll learn her!

MrsCakesPremonition Sun 05-Jan-14 02:32:16

Now I am 5yo, I don't bother telling my mother when I use the toilet as I like to be in control of the whole process.
I piss all over the toilet seat (and on the floor and under the hinges), I do huge stinky poos, I never wipe (because I know how much she enjoys finding an unexpected skid mark), I don't flush, I don't wash my hands and I leave the light on.
The first thing she knows about it is when she stumbles across the scene during her own toilet visit. Mwahahaha.

Danann Sun 05-Jan-14 01:57:28

Princess, Mummy's been trying that too. she cuts them up tiny and tries to hide them in the food, she even tried leaving some bigger bits so I'd think I'd picked them all out. LittlestDanann is clearly in league with her coz she tricked me into eating vegetable crisps earlier by saying I couldn't have any of hers!


They really do never learn, LittleDanann. If anything they get worse. Watch out for sneaky tricks like hiding veg in pasta sauce and if you have ANY doubts don't eat it.


Idocrazythings Sat 04-Jan-14 14:19:45

Why wait for mummy? I just do a stealth poo- in the toilet of course. Leave loads on the seat. Toilet paper on the floor and a nice dirty mark on the seat. Toilet paper is for losers, as is flushing. I just go back to my trains and wipe my bum on the carpet. The other day I got an extra shower as I successfully managed to get it all over my ball bag and foot! Success. That'll teach her for pretending to put my London train set pieces in the bin because I wouldn't pick them up.

Iamcrazythings grin

ebwy Sat 04-Jan-14 13:13:46

My mother moaned because she couldn't find her hairbrush. is it our faults if she doesn't look in her boot?

Minibeast and microbeast

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 12:20:42

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, so having made her run around in circles with the snow I played with for less time than it took to make it because it isn't like the snow she usually makes for me and it's wet. Yes, mother I am aware that SNOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE WET, but when I play with it I like it dry and crumbly. So next time you'll make me my normal snow or else.


DwellsUndertheSink Sat 04-Jan-14 12:16:13

pah, amateurs. WHat you need to do is give her a taste of her own medicine. Wait til you are on a long trip, and you stop at a busy service station. When she goes to the loo, shout crossly "I comin'" til she takes you with her. Then, when she is fumbling around with one of those mice in telescope things, ask very loudly "What you doin' mummy? Can I have one mummy? Is it a sweetie mummy? Are you doing a poo mummy? You got an ow-ee mummy?" while she frantically tried to shush you. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 11:56:55

What fresh hell is this? Now she wants to take pictures of me! I AM PLAYING WOMAN! And smile, after everything I'm forced to endure on a day to day basis, she ought to be thankful I don't see her off whilst she sleeps. Of course, that would require me waking up for something less than a full scale bomb going off under my bed WHICH IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.


Minnieisthedevilmouse Sat 04-Jan-14 11:52:31

Just to state, clearly and obviously incase anyone is wondering, this is a FUNNY thread.

There's been mix ups about that recently. So, master class above.

Dd (3) is taking tips. Thanks ;)

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 11:49:50

Dear goddess WHAT IS THIS WOMAN THINKING? So Santa, the fat judgmental so and so, if I get my hands on his elves! But I digress, so Santa, brought me some snow, because it's all I really wanted for Christmas. The Woman made it up for me today, but it took AGES (more than 10 seconds) and was BOOOORING. So I told her, you'd think she'd be grateful I give her bloody updates on how I'm feeling, she is FOREVER asking me how I'm feeling after all! Nooooo, she tells me that being bored is character building and if I don't like waiting for the damn snow she can always put it in the bin. Talk about your escalating quickly, I've only not done anything she's told me all morning because I've been to busy! Sheesh! Then, when I've taken 20 minutes to decide which 2 vehicles I'd like to use in the snow, I've changed my mind. Yes, I have only been playing with them for 20 seconds but that IS NOT THE POINT! She has insisted that I say please and bloody thank you every single time I've asked her to get a different toy. She's a servant, she should know her place.


jacks365 Sat 04-Jan-14 11:47:06

What you do is wait till she's putting the food away thats just been delivered and isn't looking and then run away with a box of tomatoes. Mummy loves the seeds making patterns all over my clothes plus she then has to play hunt the bits with the ones I hide to eat later.

Little jacks

Bluestocking Sat 04-Jan-14 11:15:03

Or you could take a leaf out of my Potty Training Greatest Hits; poo on the stairs, then when she treads in it and treads it all over the hall and shouts "who the hell pooed on the stairs?", you can look at her in a pitying way and say "it was me, of course".
Bluestocking Jr

Danann Sat 04-Jan-14 10:55:39

Pfft, all these mothers and their stupid ideas, it just makes me so cross!

I don't think lil sis made it clear how bad Mum is when she posted yesterday... I'm 9 and do you know how awkward my mum is? at 3am when we had a power cut she told me and sis to be quiet and go to sleep and then we wouldn't care that it was dark. Then at 6am she complained when I woke her up to tell her I needed some more water, some crap about how, since I had to walk past the kitchen to get to her bed, I could of got it myself rather than wake her up! And when I'm trying to sleep at 10.30am she makes loads of noise and insists I need to get up so she can go out, then, when I decide to spend 20 minutes playing the drumkit which MIL so kindly bought lil sis she gets all stroppy and tells me to pack it in because I'm making too much noise and am supposed to be putting some clothes on! bloody woman!

PrincessOfTheWellOfLostPlots, do they never learn about the vegetables? I've been having the same argument with my mother for years

BananaNotPeelingWell Fri 03-Jan-14 23:31:56

Or do one in your wellies. This takes skill and patience and results in mummy saying lots of new words.

It gets worse. You lot just wait til you're 13.

Not only do my mothers not understand why I should have my meals served in my room or that I have a moral objection to vegetables, but they actually expect me to put my washing up in the dishwasher AND to sort my dirty washing! There MUST be something about that in the Rights of the Child!


SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking Fri 03-Jan-14 23:25:34

The 'Tude here!

My 'mum' has started expecting me to wipe myself too!

I now do a sit in. I.refuse to leave the toilet til she does it. Even when she bribes me I don't cave!

When she does cave I smugly say "I win" and skip away. 'Mum' mumbles some bad words.

Honeydragonling Fri 03-Jan-14 23:21:34


She thinks I'm asleep. I've already snuck out of my bed and got into hers and am taking up all the space so she can't get in. Anyway


I got pity Chinese food. She decided I needed cheering up after her shocking neglect today and ordered takeaway.

My brother says it's really as she's sick to the back teeth of cooking over Christmas, but I know best.

Over and Out.

Bunnyjo Fri 03-Jan-14 23:18:09

Well I simply refuse to potty train and I'm 2.5. When my female servant casually asks me if I'd like to try pooing in a potty I merely scream 'Me too young, Mama! ME NEED NAPPY!'

I have a problem with the female servant of the house. I thought she'd appreciate it if I defrosted the entire chest freezer by switching the dial to 'thaw', after all I heard her saying the whole family was coming round for dinner on New Year's Day and that she'd need to get the big pork joint out of the freezer by New Year's Eve.

So, I did just that. I turned the dial to thaw. I must have done that on the Saturday or Sunday (I cannot remember, I'm only 2 so days are a bit beyond me at the moment). Anyhow, it turns out the female servant was not so impressed and made some shouting sounds before bungling us all in the car on New Year's Eve to go food shopping. She seemed very huffy and puffy and the man servant also seemed a bit miffed. Cannot think why...

Apparently thawing the freezer destroyed over £200 of food. Well, what kind of idiot buys so much food? It's not like she has two kids to look after as well as going to university. How was I to know she was buying stuff to batch cook for the next couple of months?

maddening Fri 03-Jan-14 23:07:52

well I just flat out refuse to potty train for this very reason - give an inch and all that - go back to nappies I say.

DonnaFlapperBlitzen Fri 03-Jan-14 23:03:10

Haha, funny thread!
I thought about Mn earlier when my ds wouldn't let me clean his bum because he was playing with his cars his leg was cold grin

peking Fri 03-Jan-14 21:55:03

DH just asked me what I was giggling at. Dont know quite how to explain this advice grin

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 03-Jan-14 21:48:46


I pooed in MIL's jacuzzi when I was 3. It took ages to get it all out of the little holes. Mummy cried and asked what she'd done to deserve me. Daft woman didn't understand about psyops and pre-emptive strikes. For real torture, the Trotskyite theory of transitional demand ("Want wabbit! WANT WABBIT! WAAAANT WAAAAAABBIIIITT!") should be your next step.

Venceremos! -Disgracefulchild.

superbagpuss Fri 03-Jan-14 16:09:23

I may be a big 4 year old boy but its the holidays and my I'll mummy needs to wipe my bum - I had wet hands

but she had a go at me and rushed me out of the bathroom with even wetter hands (she made me wash therm again after wiping) just because she needed to go

I am now dancing round the bedroom singing instead of getting my PJ on grin.

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 03-Jan-14 16:02:56

This thread is bloody brilliant, nothing else to add!!

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