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AIBU to not want DH's sibling to stay with us?

(230 Posts)
livinginthechickendrumsticks Fri 03-Jan-14 07:15:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 03-Jan-14 07:18:54

Just say no. Her socialising will disturb the kids no?

3bunnies Fri 03-Jan-14 07:19:26


GertyD Fri 03-Jan-14 07:20:51

YANBU. Your DH needs to be firm and say no. Your home is your sanctuary and haven away from stresses and strains. It is entirely right that it is kept that way. He knows the score. He, unfortunately (the same as mine) has to man up and take do the right thing.

gamerchick Fri 03-Jan-14 07:21:01

Ah man set off the feud. The peace you may get might be worth it.

TheSumofUs Fri 03-Jan-14 07:21:41

How about a simple "we are sorry - It is not convenient" and the say nothing else but to repeat "sorry - it is not convenient" every time an excuse is raised

You could also exchange the word "convenient" for "appropriate" (which I quite prefer)

"I am sorry [sil/mil], it is not appropriate" and repeat this as often as required

CoffeeTea103 Fri 03-Jan-14 07:22:47

Yanbu, this will cause endless problems for you with your il, and more importantly with your DH. The family life will be disrupted, and it's just not worth the problems.
Do you have space to accommodate her, if not then this would be a good reason.
Also for the reasons you listed it would not be a good idea. But this needs to come from your DH to them.

bragmatic Fri 03-Jan-14 07:23:41

I think you're going to have to try to avoid making excuses "Sorry, we can't, because xyz…" because it sounds like they'll come up with a response to everything. So, I'm afraid you'll have to say: "No" (with an infuriating smile attached), many times over until they get it.

And of course you aren't being unreasonable!

TheSumofUs Fri 03-Jan-14 07:23:44

The teapot thing would really annoy me and I would not be able to relax because of this - it's your home - other adults should not be able to come and go without your express invitation

nooka Fri 03-Jan-14 07:24:52

It's a pretty outrageous suggestion really, essentially your SIL wants to freeload so she can party it up at your expense.

I think you just have to say "no that won't work" repeatedly. It sounds as if your MIL/SIL will cause grief no matter what you say so I'd not bother with the reasons as they probably won't accept any of them in any case.

Sometimes the answer to 'why' really is 'because I said so'.

AmandaCooper Fri 03-Jan-14 07:24:58

Good grief my head's spinning! What a mad suggestion. Tell DH you are not prepared to open the floodgates to unlimited abuse on tap in your own home and if he doesn't like conflict, neither should he. They sound completely hideous!

livinginthechickendrumsticks Fri 03-Jan-14 07:25:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

natwebb79 Fri 03-Jan-14 07:27:44

a.) This is for your husband to deal with and b.) his exact words should be 'no'.

seventiesgirl Fri 03-Jan-14 07:28:00

Present her with a list of potential house shares in the area (or preferably an area equally distant from town, nowhere near you). Or even better people looking for lodgers - some people only want lodgers midweek too.

She can't complain if she has the cash...

nooka Fri 03-Jan-14 07:28:54

Don't feel like a bitch chickendrumsticks! Even if your SIL was a nicer person it would still be a huge imposition and not something anyone sane would suggest except as a one off or in a crisis situation.

Does it matter if they think it's you being mean? It doesn't sound as if they are civil to you anyway - how much worse can it get? Especially given the alternative is being walked all over.

sockssandalsandafork Fri 03-Jan-14 07:35:46

'Goodness me, no MIL, I could imagine nothng worse than having another person move in with me dh and the dc's, I wouldnt even consider my own sister'

What a ridiculous imposition! idiots!

livinginthechickendrumsticks Fri 03-Jan-14 07:37:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

averywoomummy Fri 03-Jan-14 07:38:53

Oh you definitely don't want her staying. Personally I wouldn't even like someone that I got on with staying with my family for 2/3 nights a week let alone someone as rude as your SIL.

Also think of all the potential problems - will you be expected to cook for her, will she want to use your washing machine, will the kids be woken up by her coming in late, will she contribute to bills, will she argue about what to watch on the TV!

I think it has to be a firm "No - that won't work for us" repeated over and over again. If you want you could add that it will be disruptive for the kids. I also agree with the poster that you suggest that if she want's to stay in the city on a regular basis that she looks into a flat share.

Madambossyboots Fri 03-Jan-14 07:44:58

Sounds like mil wants rid .,... Stupid sil should grow up and get her own place.

golemmings Fri 03-Jan-14 08:04:54

If she's living for free at her parents, would the prospect of having to pay rent with you put her off? Clearly now you've moved to the city, you may have a bigger mortgage and not have any spare money to subsidise a third adult. Obviously the family response will be that charging rent is not what families do but neither do they bankrupt each other.

LucilleBluth Fri 03-Jan-14 08:15:18

God no, it would be such a disruption to family life. SIL sounds like she needs to grow up.

Squeakygate Fri 03-Jan-14 08:20:42

A one off - yes it would be nice to offer that option. A weekly thrice nightly arrangement - never.
Good luck op.

Ememem84 Fri 03-Jan-14 08:22:29

Just day no. Or ask mil if you dh and Dcs can move in with them. You know, cos that's what families do.

Ememem84 Fri 03-Jan-14 08:23:11

Or quickly rent spare room out, invent damp/ghost/a damp ghost, move house...

littlewhitechristmasbag Fri 03-Jan-14 08:25:05

Sounds horrendous. No way would I agree to that. I value my privacy and peace in the evenings. If SIL is out socializing then she is likely to come in late and disturb you and the children.

If she wants to socialize then she can do what others do and book a hotel to stay in.

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