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To not go on this holiday

(109 Posts)
theimposter Thu 02-Jan-14 11:58:26

My DPs family have been planning a trip away as a large group for several years. He has 2 kids and they have all been looking forward to it for ages. However this trip is really expensive and not something I would ever choose to do. I earn a lot less than DP and although my parents gave me a generous cheque for Christmas I am worried that I may need this money to cover the mortgage on my house as my tenants are moving out soon and I intend to sell it but it may take a while. Being self employed means an extended holiday hits my pocket too. I don't think it has gone down well that I said I don't want to go but even if I used my Christmas money I would feel it was a waste not using it to go somewhere I actually want to go and I resent that we have to go on so many family things and don't get much holiday time to ourselves without his parents etc.

His kids and family will be upset but even if he paid towards me going I know it would be put on the 'money owed' list and I don't like being in debt. He is very money orientated and sees what I do for work as not very important and even though I work hard at it I will never earn loads. He thinks I should do more 'womanly' tasks despite the fact that I also work long hours and I don't feel it is 'our' house as was very much 'his' before we got together. I am meant to be selling my house so we can get a bigger place together. He keeps dangling the idea of getting engaged at me but he just makes excuses about it and why he hasn't asked yet that put me down and really makes me feel quite insecure about our relationship. I feel he measures our entire relationship on money and housework and doesn't appreciate the many other things I have changed in my life or what I do for the kids as it isn't a measurable thing. Help.

MellowAutumn Fri 03-Jan-14 14:44:11

He wants you as chief coat and drinks holder smile at your expense ! Those places are horrendous if you are not a participant . I would also ask about your `lovely` Times - are they easy times for him because everything is on his terms? How about you ask him to spend the equivalent money and time doing something just you like?

pictish Fri 03-Jan-14 15:04:02

Being cherished and adored and treated like an equal is not 'bland and uninteresting' - stop telling yourself that it is. You're looking for pie in the sky reasons as to why your relationship is ok. His disrespect and lack of care is not sparky or vibrant. Fiery is generally relationship speak for 'speaks to me like shit'.

Andanotherthing123 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:12:42

An ex DP had a'money owed' list for me. He was a controlling knob and despite squandering 6 precious years on this dickhead I eventually dumped him and a year later found the love of my life who 10 years on is still as splendid as the day I met him. Dump him and free yourself up for better!

daisychain01 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:20:24

... am starting to get fed up of people asking why we aren't engaged yet

Um, how about they keep their interfering unhelpful opinions to themselves and butt out of your life.

Maybe they can get engaged to him instead of you, if they feel that strongly about it....

<mutters, hoiks up size 34A bosom>

daisychain01 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:23:32


Cue "happy ever after" music, 30 piece orchestra etc. So nice fsmile

MellowAutumn Fri 03-Jan-14 15:30:11

''Fiery is generally relationship speak for 'speaks to me like shit'.'' Quote of the week !!!

rookiemater Fri 03-Jan-14 15:36:17

Theimposter - what age are you and do you want to have your own children in your future?

Stay with this bloke if you wish, but really he is not "good dad " material. Good Dads don't make their DCs pay for their own holidays, nor do they dump homework, cooking and lifts onto their girlfriend. Plus if you do have DCs you'll have all the fun of blended families to work out - with a DF who is busy counting every penny earned and spent on the balance sheet, whilst conveniently forgetting how much he'd have to spend on cleaning, babysitting, childminders etc. if you weren't there.

Tubemole1 Fri 03-Jan-14 23:23:19

Move back to your house.
Don't marry him.
He's as controlling capitalist freak.

TheFabulousIdiot Fri 03-Jan-14 23:45:09

There are red flags but I think it's odd that you expect him to put a roof over your head without contributing some money towards that accommodation. Particularly if you currently have tenants paying the mortgage at your house. There's no way. Would have been happy with my partner living at my house 'rent' free.

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