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To be upset that DSDs didn't buy me a present ?

(57 Posts)
Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 22:38:45

I have known them for 15 years..they rang me on Xmas day to say they loved was our family Xmas day..they bought their father a pressie but not me.Nobody has said anything . Not even DH. They didn't even get us a card.WTF?I just shut myself away and carried on cooking dinner but v upset ..even more upset the DH hasn't said anything..what would you do?

Caitlin17 Fri 27-Dec-13 23:02:28

YABU. As guests they should have brought a bottle of wine/flowers/chocolates for the hostess but can't see any reason why you should expect a present.

Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 23:02:40

Personalised not personified!!

FishfingersAreOK Fri 27-Dec-13 23:03:04

Sorry - x-post there.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 27-Dec-13 23:03:07

I'm not surprised you are hurt, that's very inconsiderate of them.
I would raise it with your DH, after all if you didn't get them anything I bet they would be upset.

onlysettleforbutterflies Fri 27-Dec-13 23:03:50

Yanbu I too would be a bit hurt if my sc didn't get me even a token gift, especially as you are doing all of the cooking etc. However I would be delighted to have a phone call like that from them, you do obviously mean a lot to them.

Tanfastic Fri 27-Dec-13 23:05:08

If they normally buy you a gift and didn't this year then I think you've got a right to be upset and wonder why.

It is a little bit odd.

VeryExasperated Fri 27-Dec-13 23:06:33

You don't sound materialistic; you sound hurt, and quite understandably. My inclination is to be delighted that they love you, and they told you so, and to go out and buy yourself a treat as clearly you are a splendid SM. Do you think a joint present of money comes over as being more from your DH, or only from him? Just a thought.

Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 23:09:38

I just feel like I can't win...I know if I mention it DH wil be all defensive..but how can he have not noticed was soooo awkward cos we did the whole giving out presents thing and watching each other unwrap them an then i was sat there ... When I went into the kitchen I thought he'd follow and say something like "Don't worry etc." ..but nobody has said anything...feel such a mug

FishfingersAreOK Fri 27-Dec-13 23:11:16

I disagree Caitlin - Primadonna I think it is understandable you are hurt. If you have been exchanging gifts with anyone for a number of years and then for that to stop with no reason (but your OH to still get a gift) then yes, totally reasonable to think Huh? WTAF?. Especially given the age of your DSDs. Even a Lindt chocolate reindeer for a £1 would mean something - some effort, some thought.

And it is not just a quick lunch on a Friday - but your family Christmas Day. I would say something to your DH.

thecatfromjapan Fri 27-Dec-13 23:12:14

I think your dh needs to say something - and not necessarily to them, but definitely to you!

I'm guessing you feel overlooked. The 'phone message sounds sweet but I think there is something a bit sad about watching someone else open a present and feeling left out.

I don't tend to get presents for my husband's parent's partners, to be honest but I do often get something that can be shared by them both. That said, when they had significant birthdays coming up. I made sure there was a pesent. BUT they don't have very much to do with dh and his family. (You'll have noticed that it isn't dh running around getting presents ...).

I think your dh should have been there giving you some hugs. It strikes me that the daughters matter a bit to you BUT that it is your dh's silence that is really upsetting you. Does he take you for granted? I'm thinking that it might well be you doing a lot of the practical relationship-building between your dh and his girls, or that you have been there, being loving, for a while now, and you want this reciprocated. Not just by the girls but by your dh. Is that near the mark?

FishfingersAreOK Fri 27-Dec-13 23:13:08

What are you most hurt at? The lack of present? Or the fact that DH did not say anything?

FishfingersAreOK Fri 27-Dec-13 23:14:05

I am total queen of x-posts today!

Bashingabrickwall Fri 27-Dec-13 23:15:47

YANBU - I would have been happy with a little something from Poundland (or any other store, lol). It's the thought that counts after all.

thecatfromjapan Fri 27-Dec-13 23:17:16

By the way, this Christmas I opened the most crap present from my mil. It topped the present of a pencil that she gave me one year. And surpassed the many years when I've not been given a present at all. I think it drew even with the second-hand ("vintage") lipstick she gave me. (Seriously. A used lipstick.)

Usually, I say nothing. It is just too awkward. And I worry that it is materialistic of me to care. However, this year, I did say that I thought it was a bit odd. Dh informed me that, for my mil, i was difficult to buy for. She didn't know me. I hadn't made enough of an effort to get to know her.

I have been known dh (and his mother) for almost 30 years now.

I choose her presents, from him.

I think I detect in your posts a disappointment with your dh similar to my own.

cees Fri 27-Dec-13 23:17:55

God I really would have to say it to dh how pissed off I was. They were very rude to leave you out like that, its bad manners.

Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 23:18:21

Yes you've both got it right...girls being thoughtless hurts but I can deal with that but I think DH should know what it means to me and be upset on my behalf ...or at least acknowledge it in some way...but I guess as long as they all got their dinners everything was alright in their world

cees Fri 27-Dec-13 23:20:17

thecatfromjapan, it's time you left your dh to buy his own gift for mil. Take the money you would spend on her normally and treat yourself.

thecatfromjapan Fri 27-Dec-13 23:25:06

Primadonna - it's not OK. It's pants that you ran/run around doing all the practical things that make life lovely, and make people feel warm, comfortable and loved - and that practical love is not acknowledged. I am angry on your behalf. I really am, actually.

Something bizarre has happened to me this year, and I think it is the fault of mumsnet grin: I have become all grumpy, and developed a whole new sense of "I have bloody self-worth, you know". I am passing it along to you, now. When you dh and his daughters are flopping around, being loving, they bloody shouldn't exclude you, because you've been slogging away, making it happen. And your dh needs to acknowledge it - with words or actions. Your labour was just that - work. and work of a peculiarly tricky and subtle kind: emotional needlework.

good for you for doing it - and I hope you get some acknowledgement for it.

thecatfromjapan Fri 27-Dec-13 23:26:04

cees - that is what I thought this year, actually. I feel it is the Power of Mumsnet working in me. grin

Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 23:26:51

Think I will say something to Dh tomorrow but calmly..don't want to let it fester, which it will given how I feel right now.

Primadonnagirl Fri 27-Dec-13 23:28:38

Thankyou thecatfromjapan ..more kindness from a stranger than from my own family!

VeryExasperated Fri 27-Dec-13 23:29:36

the cat - please tell us what your Mil got you this year. The pencil is hilarious.

thecatfromjapan Fri 27-Dec-13 23:31:44

Veryexasperated - It really was hilarious, to be honest. But I can't because I worry that people who know me come on mn and I will blow my cover utterly.

VeryExasperated Fri 27-Dec-13 23:36:20

Thecat - Shame - but I do understand.

Val007 Fri 27-Dec-13 23:37:42

YADNBU - it is hurtful. I think I understand you are upset because of the lack of thought and gesture. Maybe a mug for you as well? It is the thought that counts. Regardless of the 'I love you's on the phone. Sorry, OP...

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