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to take dc on holiday without dp and dsc?

(19 Posts)
jinglemel Fri 27-Dec-13 15:57:45

My dc and I really want to go on holiday abroad, as does dp. We said we'd go next year but his exW won't let the dsc go abroad with him until they're older. Dp wants our dc to have time off school so he has that excuse for dsc about why they couldn't come. I want to go in school holidays as I don't agree with missing school. We have UK holidays with all the children but my children have never been abroad whereas dsc go abroad with exW and gps at least twice per year. AIBU to go without them?

HissymasJumper Fri 27-Dec-13 15:59:32

Didn't you post this a few weeks back? fconfused

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-13 16:00:18

Didn't you start this thread not so long ago?

HissymasJumper Fri 27-Dec-13 16:00:50

DP needs to tell his kids the truth for starters, that their mother is barring their holiday, and then he needs to accept that he doesn't /et to interfere with your dc education.

Caitlin17 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:01:24

No. Not quite the same but my son and I always went abroad on the October break without his father and occasionally at Easter.

HissymasJumper Fri 27-Dec-13 16:01:27

<hifives worra>

Great minds n all that! fgrin

Caitlin17 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:01:47

No. Not quite the same but my son and I always went abroad on the October break without his father and occasionally at Easter.

jinglemel Fri 27-Dec-13 16:03:08

No not posted it before confused

It's not just her stopping it that means they won't go, he also doesn't want the expense and stress as his children 'are more difficult to manage' than ours apparently

MummySantaHoHoHo Fri 27-Dec-13 16:08:34

my husbands ex wife used to fuck about with contact all the time, to the point where we went and got a specific week court ordered for holidays

ex wife then went and booked a holiday for the same week as ours - apparently she "forgot" that that week was court ordered, as her holiday was "more expensive" than ours, the judge decided to rescind the order the previous judge had issued - what a fucking message that sent, holidays should be spent with those who can spend the most money

we were unable to cancel so went without SS and never booked to take her on holiday with us again as it was perfectly clear he was never going to actually be allowed to go anywhere with us with his mothers knowledge

we tried to take him to a lot of places, but were incessantly messed about to the point where we no longer accepted invitations when she was due with us as we could never be certain she was going to be there, this was just the straw and camels back

I saw no reason why ex wife should dictate whether my own children were allowed to holiday and we went on some fantastic holidays which SS was perfectly welcome to, if his mother would consent, which she wouldn't

SS was perfectly aware of exactly where the issue lie and why he wasn't holidaying with us - I seen no reason why you should not take your own DC on holiday - whether DP comes is entirely up to him

Sirzy Fri 27-Dec-13 16:09:26

If it is about expense too if you cant afford it then non of you should go.

If its just about his ex wife then your DH needs to grow some balls and tell him you are taking them abroad unless she has some sort of serious concerns about his ability to look after them (perhaps with the difficult to manage commnets she has?). OR be honest with the children as to why they aren't going

hamptoncourt Fri 27-Dec-13 16:09:51

I can't understand how this is even an issue. You want to go on holiday with your DC. Are they DPs DC too?
Either way, if he doesn't want to come, for whatever reason, then that is his decision.
Crack on with the holidays. Life is too short. It sounds like he is overcomplicating things to be honest. Take them on hols in school holidays as you want. I have taken my DC on holiday alone and it was great fun much better than with their Dad in tow.
I do remember a very similar thread where the OP had this exact issue and her DP also wanted her and the DC in the car every time he went to collect or pick up his DC. Was that not you OP?

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-13 16:10:28

Hissy fgrin

My memory is never this fact I can hardly ever remember my kid's names!

MummySantaHoHoHo Fri 27-Dec-13 16:12:28

It is a familiar scenario with many a step parent - perhaps its a different OP with a similar story??

PMPL at saying the DP needs to grow a pair - its impossible to take DCs on hols with an obstructive RP in the picture.

jinglemel Fri 27-Dec-13 16:14:39

Sirzy we could afford it if we wanted to. His dc don't cope with change well and have a very set routine of bed by 6.30 p.m. Our children are much more flexible and he envisioned sitting in the hotel room with dsc while I'm out having fun with ours

HissymasJumper Fri 27-Dec-13 16:14:54

Weird, identical post was written a few weeks back!

So in the eyes of his other children, he'd rather put the blame on your DC, who will already be in a more technically 'favoured' position as they live with him than actually spend the time, money and emotional investment in his other kids.


Perhaps this is one of the reasons these children are 'difficult to manage'? How hands on is he with these children?

He needs to man up, take his other dc, actively parent them and include them in his new family.

Playing one set off against the other is really crap of him.

mintberry Fri 27-Dec-13 16:31:00

Hmm I think if your DSC's mum is stopping them from going, then that shouldn't stop you from going on holiday. If your DP doesn't want to go because he has a bee in his bonnet, then that shouldn't either.
However, if the issue is you can't afford for your DP to go then you should wait until you can afford for him to come, because it's not very nice to exclude someone who is normally a part of your family unit. It doesn't sound like this actually is the issue but I just wanted to make the distinction IYSWIM.

34DD Fri 27-Dec-13 16:38:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jinglemel Fri 27-Dec-13 22:36:44

34dd - precisely, dsc will get many more abroad holidays than my dc - it seems unfair they're deprived in their honour. Dp wants to come but is scared exW will tell them they weren't invited. Which to be fair she probably will sad

landrover Fri 27-Dec-13 23:01:50

Mmmm I remember similar post, stepkids also had to go to bed at 6.30!

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