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Aibu to wonder if alcohol plays a part in some responses on the AIBU board

(85 Posts)
CaptainTripps Fri 27-Dec-13 15:21:26

I'm sorry but this really needs saying. I've seen, over time, offensive and downright nasty replies to the poor, hapless poster with the 'AIBU' issue.

This is on my mind right now as I was in this situation last night having posted a fairly innocuous problem. I was called precious, odd, told to get out more, that I should start a hobby, pushy, controlling, 'ffs get over yourself', rude and condescending, to get professional help, aggressive, shallow and facile...

None of my posts merited this on this particular thread. At least I don't think so.

I remained polite on the thread and decided not to respond to --the idiots--offensive posters. I had some lovely replies too, mind you.

But the level of rudeness and personal insults!

Look - I am no wilting violet and can deal with this. But I am curious as to why people do it. Perfectstorm summed it up brilliantly and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her here:

...posting on MN in a way calculated to belittle and demean others as a way of not-too-subtly validating yourself is evidence of a deep and grounded nature? You'll forgive me if I take your proclaimed set of values with a fairly sizeable pinch of salt, on the sole evidence available to me here.

So - is it alcohol? Or posting via the comfort of anonymity? Or should I be magnanimous and think that these people have bitter and twisted lives?

FutureDreamer Fri 27-Dec-13 15:52:48

Blunt = fine

Spiteful = unacceptable

There are a select group of posters who go out of their way to be unpleasant and deliberately hurt the OP. I tend to assume they are dull, miserable women who are pretty unsatisified with their lot and feel their days has improved if they can publicly belittle someone.

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-13 15:54:56

It's ok, I sped read it so I'm only down by about 5 minutes grin

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Fri 27-Dec-13 15:56:17

<pours first wine of the day>

<cracks knuckles>

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 27-Dec-13 15:57:40

It's not full of bile, firesidechat. You don't believe that really because... here you are. grin

Some of the threads are absolutely ridiculous and cannot in any way be construed as 'serious'; they're akin to 'AIBU to put ketchup on my chips?'... Oh drama, drama! If somebody is really too afraid to post on AIBU, given that most posters will adjust their tone if somebody is really upset, then perhaps that person should consider another board - relationships or chat or similar?

I've seen 'cutting' responses and had my bottom flamed quite often. I blot my tears and either reframe or explain what I meant or have a break.

I think some people live out their lives in online for a more than they do in reality. Their choice to do so.

scottishmummy Fri 27-Dec-13 15:57:41

Oh dear god,clamber down from that there ivory tower.hold your pomander tight
People give a range of responses,that's the pleasure/'d be unlikely to elicit them in rl
Alcohol,I think not given aibu runs 24-7. Don't post and then wail when no likey responses

It's the op who then meticulously goes back to thank supporters in bold,and sniffily rebukes responses they don't like

BIWI Fri 27-Dec-13 16:00:16

Well, having wasted 10 minutes of my life reading that thread, you referenced having over-indulged, so being less able to articulate your own views. So I think you are BU.

And also rather needy. Why bother to start a second thread? hmm

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Fri 27-Dec-13 16:01:51

Is it worth me reading it?

NewYearsHeave Fri 27-Dec-13 16:01:59

I'm always taken aback by some of the replies people get on here. It's very much the behaviour of keyboard warriors who enjoy the opportunity to stick the boot into someone else, with a good dollop of pompous sees thrown in.

The most up yer backside reply to an OP I ever saw was "you need to be clearer when you're AIBUing to ensure you get the correct response".

Last time I checked AIBU wasn't a verb in its own right fgrin.

So no, OP, I don't blame alcohol. I blame folk who just enjoy being a dick to people on line.

MudCity Fri 27-Dec-13 16:02:12

Agree with you CaptainTripps. I have been shocked at some of the responses I have read on threads. The lack of empathy shown to people in difficult situations, who are seeking reassurance and a bit of comfort, particularly upsets me.

Not sure whether people's negative responses are fuelled by alcohol or by other issues. However, to respond in a nasty, unsympathetic way, I think, says everything about the person responding and nothing about the OP.

My view is that if I cannot say something in a positive, constructive way then I won't say anything at all.

One day these people may be in need of the empathy they have failed to show others.

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Dec-13 16:03:23

Lying, Happy Christmas and New Year by the way!

I keep meaning to PM you but I've been either too drunk or too hungover to bother fgrin

<< Sorry for hijack OP >>

scottishmummy Fri 27-Dec-13 16:03:46

I think you're stewing and have an inability to let go op,hence your post
I very much doubt anyone has a bitter and twisted life,that's your excuse to demonise them
Wasn't in your aibu but see you are also making assumptions,just like others did.


NewYearsHeave Fri 27-Dec-13 16:03:50

Oh bugger. Didn't see thread had moved on in the hour of time it takes me to post from my phone.

Vivacia Fri 27-Dec-13 16:06:11

Worra said what I was thinking.

I think that sometimes people are genuinely surprised at being told, "Actually, you are being unreasonable" and just won't accept it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 27-Dec-13 16:07:04

<< sniffs at Worra whilst holding Laura Ashley bone china teapot aloft...>>

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" to you too, you old soak! fgrin

Rufustherednosedreindeer Fri 27-Dec-13 16:07:15

Wouldn't bother exit

CaptainTripps Fri 27-Dec-13 16:11:31

No, exit. Absolutely not. grin

koTinkaBell Fri 27-Dec-13 16:11:55

I've seen threads like that vivacia, where you wonder why they bothered asking in the first place. but I've also seen threads descend into uncalled for personal attacks when an op refuses to accept the majority opinion. I don't see a need for people to get nasty, just say what you think and if op is stubbornly fixed in their opinion, no problem.

firesidechat Fri 27-Dec-13 16:12:05

It's not full of bile, firesidechat. You don't believe that really because... here you are. grin

I'm here because I'm not emotionally invested in the responses. I would definitely think twice about starting my own thread about something I cared about. I'm not as thick skinned as some posters and it may not be full of bile, but it only takes one inadequate to turn up on your thread to cause hurt.

My daughter only tends to go on the pregnancy forums, but even she commented on how nasty some people can be.

Vivacia Fri 27-Dec-13 16:13:51

You're right Tinka the OP gets nasty 'cos they don't like the advice and other posters get nasty 'cos they don't like that the OP's not taking advice.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast Fri 27-Dec-13 16:14:59

Ah, smiling again. All is well smile

Rachelx92 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:15:48

Ok I just read most of your other thread and replies. In all honesty you were being rather rude to those who disagreed with you

scottishmummy Fri 27-Dec-13 16:19:22

This is how aibu goes,op invites opinion.doesn't like some responses,so they must be cunts
Then bemoans aibu, mn and world gorn to dawgs.
A few ole timers pile in to is,oh gosh yes it's dreadfully combative.not like ole days

koTinkaBell Fri 27-Dec-13 16:24:16

sm, or

op asks,
several posters post almost identical opinions,
a shitload more pile in, repeating what's already been said
op disagrees and gets pounced on,
the thread shows up lots in active convo's so another shitload of posters jump in and start slagging off op without bothering to rtft.
mayhem ensues.

Rufustherednosedreindeer Fri 27-Dec-13 16:26:41

OP you are right that sometimes there are very unnecessary replies on AIBU, I have also seen one set of replies one week and virtually the opposite way the next

However, I doubt it's drink, it's much more likely to be the safety of anonymity

CaptainTripps Fri 27-Dec-13 16:28:42

Was it always thus? I'm sorta newish. Came late to the boards.

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