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To think my 21 month cannot stay up till midnight at mil 70th party??

(129 Posts)
Cazm2 Fri 27-Dec-13 07:44:50

Hi all my mil birthday party tomo at a local members club. I have 21 month old DD, we are all going but I am going to bring her home prob 930-1000pm. DH and mil think this is early it's a one off so should stay later! She has just had an exhausting Christmas with 9pm bedtimes and no day naps Christmas or Boxing Day, she is knackered. I cannot get babysitter as everyone has been invited so will bring her home and have to stay home whilst DH stays at party- again getting hassle for!!! Someone please help me out!!!!!!!

BlackDaisies Sun 29-Dec-13 21:02:36

What happened in the end OP?!

ipswichwitch Sat 28-Dec-13 12:15:32

On my wedding day I ended up outside, alone for almost am hour trying to comfort my overtired and distraught 1yo DS , since he is most definitely not a "put them in a pushchair/in a corner and they'll fall asleep" type. He never has been despite best efforts, and cannot cope with being up past bedtime.

On the day of our wedding MIL promised me faithfully she'd take him home for his bedtime , or as far as we could push it before the hysteria started. She offered to do this (we were going to get a babysitter ) but obviously decided she'd show us that it could've done by disappearing when he got beyond tired. I lost an hour of my wedding trying to calm and settle him, some guests left without me getting chance to say goodbye (still pissed off about that), and MIL had a hideous night and morning with him. Funnily enough she's never suggested keeping him up past bedtime again!

I guess the moral of the story is that you should make the people that insist on keeping DC up deal with them once they get to the hysterical stage cos they sure as hell won't hassle you about it again!

Cazm2 Sat 28-Dec-13 11:07:51

Lol I don't think peppa pig is coming! I just don't like being told I am this and that for looking out for my DD!

SirChenjin Sat 28-Dec-13 10:18:41

are they expecting a midnight visit from Peppa Pig?

Love it grin

Inertia Sat 28-Dec-13 09:31:06

You know your baby better than anyone, so it's a good idea to plan to bring her home when she gets tired and unsettled. I think I would just stop discussing it with MIL and DH in advance, and probably drive rather than drink on the night of the party so I could bring D D home when she needed her bed.

It is pretty selfish of family to expect an exhausted small child to stay up late just to watch a bunch of adults getting drunk - your baby will be there long enough to see all the guests. And what's so special about midnight anyway, especially for a baby- are they expecting a midnight visit from Peppa Pig?

Mumsyblouse Sat 28-Dec-13 09:18:06

Also- the MIL is at fault here, why not be pleased that her gd is going to be there til 9/10 instead of focusing on her not being there til midnight? It She's not a display item!

Mumsyblouse Sat 28-Dec-13 09:16:21

Do what suits you and your child, my eldest wouldn't sleep where they dropped ever and we just went home about 8-9pm if we went out. I avoided evening meals with my MIL for about three years, because in her head, we were all continental and my dd would sit happily on someone's knee and play about til 10/11pm, but in reality, past 7.30. she would get whingey, wriggle, cry, drop to the floor and generally make my evening a misery. Wanting it to be so didn't make it so!

Knowing this, when we visited my IL's, me and my husband together agreed to put our kids to bed whenever suited us and to stop them getting overtired. I didn't give a monkey's about whether this was approved or whether everyone was talking about it, we did what suited our little family, kept the children from being ill with exhaustion the next day and now they are older (over 8), they can stay up til midnight and beyond if they want to.

My second would drop on the floor and sleep wherever,children differ, be a bit bullish about it, do what suits you and your child and tell your husband to be a bit more supportive.

BadgerBumBag Sat 28-Dec-13 09:14:19

This type of subject always comes up in our family as sil has dcs who fall asleep anywhere or stay up happily until midnight, whereas I have a dd who will not fall asleep in her buggy and turns into a sobbing mess if pushed too late.

I sympathise. Do what feels right for you. I always get it in the neck but have stood my ground for 3 years now and finally the family are understanding dd is different to the others

jenniferlawrence Sat 28-Dec-13 09:02:56

YANBU. I don't like keeping my 2 year old up late, even on holiday. She likes her routine and falls apart if she's up past 8. It seems unfair to keep her up late personally. Even if she would sleep in a push chair with lots of noise and people around it still seems a bit unkind to me. Plus, like you said, you're the one who will have to look after a grumpy toddler the next day.

Cazm2 Sat 28-Dec-13 08:57:40

Thank you stardust but I haven't made am issue that's why I have come here to sound off, yes it is her birthday however I don't think that is overriding reason to be unreasonable about things, esp when the party is an eve party. It won't be the only time DD sees her as she lives 10 mins away!

MadeOfStarDust Sat 28-Dec-13 08:27:24

I think you need to be very careful - the party is for MIL - it is HER birthday... do what you like, but don't make it an "issue" - I have a sister who - at EVERY special event, family or otherwise, makes it all about her and her kids, and her problem that she has getting there, and home, and getting them to settle, and having a cold, and........- so much so that she is no longer invited to anything much.....

MamaBear17 Sat 28-Dec-13 08:24:24

Really do stick to your guns! My dd is 2 1/2 and we had family over last night. She went to bed 3 hours later than usual, got up at the same time and has already had 2 meltdowns this morning. However, my neice, who was also up late is still fast asleep. All toddlers are different. You know yours best, so do things your own way!

MrsMangoBiscuit Sat 28-Dec-13 08:16:34

Just like differentnameforthis , I have one DD who could cope with this, and one who couldn't. It was DD1 who couldn't, and no amount of rocking, shushing, patting, or walking, could get her to sleep in her pram. My ILs have all had lots of DCs, and apparently they would all happily nod off in their prams. So we would always try to stay out later, put her in her pram to sleep, as requested. Late family do's were a nightmare. She would scream if we tried putting her down, but if we let her stay up she was so tired she couldn't function, she couldn't even balance and would whine and cry about everything. She would get so tired she didn't even nod off in the car on the way home. DD2 on the other hand will sleep anywhere if I can rock her and sing Green Day.

The worst (and last!) time we tried to keep DD1 up(19M old), it took me over an hour of rocking and pacing to get her to calm down enough to be put in bed, then about 20 minutes of patting to get her to nod off. This was the child who settled herself to sleep from 2-3 months! The next day she was grumpy all day.

The old lines of "just put her down in her pram", "she'll sleep eventually" and "it's a one off!" really bug me. Not ALL children will be put down in their prams, not ALL children will sleep eventually at an event. It might well be a one off, but what purpose does it serve keeping an overtired fractious child there? The on-duty parent will just spend the whole time trying to soothe the child and won't really be able to socialise anyway, and it sure doesn't benefit the child at all.

I think your DH should be sticking up for what's best for you and your DD here, but if he thinks she should be able to stay out, then tell him he'll be in charge of her at the party, and the next day if she's grumpy, and you'll go have a drink! Highly unfair to ask you to go against your better judgement, then leave you dealing with the fall out.

Earlspearl Sat 28-Dec-13 07:32:02

All kids are different. I know many are saying stick the child in a buggy etc but it really depends on their normal sleeping routine

At that age my boys were all in bed (any bed anywhere) EVERY night at 7pm on the dot, sleeping till 7.00am. We would have struggled to do anything differently including pushing round in a buggy. My kids definitely fall into the category of needing lots of sleep and being really awful without. We have always had child free evenings.

My friends girls on the other hand never had a regular bed time and regularly fell asleep in front of the telly in the lounge mid evening. They would be sullen and a bit whiny the next day due to needing a bit more sleep but wouldn't have a total melt down (unlike mine would have on a late night). They seemed to semi function on less sleep and pushing it a bit more till midnight would have been doable.

differentnameforthis Sat 28-Dec-13 06:46:03

Do what you want op. My eldest would have slept in her pram, no problem & would have been lifted & put to bed easily. She would have coped, in other words & she did, one more than one occasion.

Dd2 however, never would have done this. She needs her bed to be able to fall asleep, no amount of walking around the block in a buggy, or shhhing, or anything would have got her to sleep in her buggy, tired or not.

Only you know your child, so do what is best for her.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 28-Dec-13 06:40:01

Well you would still benefit from DD sleeping in her buggy so you can stay at the party a little longer, OP, even if you aren't drinking because you...get to stay at the party a little longer. Which I'm assuming is a good thing, but maybe you don't really want to be there, which is adding to this issue?

FWIW, one of my would stay up forever, literally keep going until he dropped in the wee small hours if we let him; the other needs sleep and can settle down practically anywhere, regardless of noise etc. I've done both letting them stay up and sleeping in the corner (judge away...) but I have also left a party hours earlier than planned once the drinking games started and the language descended pretty quickly into something inappropriate for small children.

Parties with children work best, IMO, when you don't over plan what will happen and ensure you gave nothing v special on the following day so you can all be lazy if needed.

Cazm2 Sat 28-Dec-13 06:20:37

I have been made to overthink it as it's been made an issue by mil - also apparently she never did same with her children at parties. Unfortunately like someone said its me me without general thought about anyone esle. Sil is 29 going on 12 windsDD up then can't cope with aftermath I expect she will be pissed by 8 anyway!

monicalewinski Sat 28-Dec-13 00:03:38

They want her and you at the party.

Go to the party with the buggy and blanket with the 'intention' of putting her in the corner in the buggy (as far as you MIL is concerned), just play it by ear as the night goes on, and if by 9ish she's getting fractious, make your apologies and go, if she's ok then stay. By giving the impression that you have the intention of staying, everyone is happy - if you do end up leaving early nobody will be bothered because they'll be drunk anyway.

You are over thinking it all tbh, have a good night!

Worriedkat Fri 27-Dec-13 23:31:21

My mil would worry about this as one of her 'wants' in advance of the occasion. Wanting the details to be perfect, no matter how unrealistic. When the party is in full swing and she is in the socialising flow with all her guests, her Dil leaving early with a tired child would be neither here nor there.

Whoever has primary responsibility for dealing with the child's welfare/ overtired behaviour gets to call it in my book.

Cazm2 Fri 27-Dec-13 23:22:03

Thank you for all your replies it really helps I am getting fed up of the judgemental looks from mil and sol I said I would see how she goes but I think 930-945 is her absolute limit. Christmas Day it was 9 and she was literally exhausted and literally collapsed when I got her out of car I didn't think it was much fun. If I am honest I don't want to shove her in a buggy in a corner as it doesn't really benefit me I will still watch what I drink and it's just hassle later getting her into bed. Even on holiday she won't sleep in a buggy cue a few eves trying to eat and entertain a fractious toddler. I certainly haven't taught her that it's not learnt from me or DH it's just how she has always been. I think someone made a good point about it being adult orientated as evening could have been a afternoon thing later eve thank you it's bend really helpful

LegoCaltrops Fri 27-Dec-13 20:14:03

I'd stand my ground. My DD has always struggled sleeping. She wouldn't just "drop off". If I strapped her into a buggy & hoped for the best, she would absolutely scream blue murder, she can keep it up for hours, literally several hours. She's been like that since she was a few days old. If that's learned behaviour, I'd love to know how she learned it, and from whom.

(OTOH if we work with her & let her fall asleep in her own way she sleeps right through, & has since she was 4 months old. I do not, therefore, think that difficulty in getting a child to sleep, constitutes a 'troubled sleeper'.)

OP - you know your child, and have her best interests as your priority. They don't, clearly.

monkeynuts123 Fri 27-Dec-13 20:08:51

Oh also something I realised which has served me well - people care about themselves primarily, not your child, you have to care about child and do what is best for them, other people suit themselves.

monkeynuts123 Fri 27-Dec-13 20:06:43

Oh leave early, I would and have. Some babies are go with the flow sorts and others aren't, just get her home to bed and enjoy a peaceful evening.

NiceTabard Fri 27-Dec-13 19:58:44

DD1 never fell asleep in her buggy, once she was past little baby stage. She was very clockwork and I remember going to a wake and she was there and really tired and crying and person after person kept coming up and saying smugly "oh I'll do it" and then sitting and comfortingly moving the buggy back and forth... and back and forth... and after about 10 mins getting a bit hmm... and then after 1/2 hour giving her back!

DD2 OTOH conks out where-ever - on the floor halfway through a game, on the sofa, in the car.

They're just different and if a parent says "My child is very unlikely to sleep in that situaiton and in fact it will be a nightmare" they are almost certainly right.

OP just take her home when it's time. If she's crying and worn out no-one's going to argue, especially not in the middle of a party.

And for the sake of completeness, we also wouldn't have anyone to babysit!!!!

jazzandh Fri 27-Dec-13 19:49:57

It's a horrible way to go to sleep as well, just pass out from exhaustion - who on earth would wish that on anybody, let alone a small child.

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