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to think my dB's ex is a total bitch????

(187 Posts)
ginmakesitallok Wed 25-Dec-13 23:07:29

dB and his ex been split up for about 2 years, she was abusive. She always been very awkward about letting him see his D's, and although we've advised him to take her to court to get access formally sorted out he hasn't. So, today, Christmas day and the bitch wouldn't let him see his son. Happy for him to play Santa, but not willing to let him see his son at all. Am so oooo stopping myself phoning her and telling her what I think of her. It's killing him. How can anyone be so cruel????

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 31-Dec-13 22:47:51


Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 22:12:53


I think we were sort of saying the same thing.

But I'm sure someone will come eventually and disagree. grin

Rufustherednosedreindeer Tue 31-Dec-13 22:08:55

Think it's ended up that way


fifi669 Tue 31-Dec-13 21:29:49

Bloody hell. Is a thread in agreement??? shock smile

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 31-Dec-13 20:09:24

agree with the last four posts. smile

Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 19:47:01

Fully agree with fifi669's last post. Exactly.

fifi669 Tue 31-Dec-13 19:39:37

I think go to court, get contact formalised. If she goes against it, go for custody.

So essentially, both men and women can be abusive partners, yes. I don't agree that fathers get sidelined in order to accommodate mothers, I think Courts and Cafcass are very keen for parents to have equal care. I maintain that it's ridiculous to be too willing to believe any stranger who is so emotionally involved in something like this and as I said, understandably biased. I don't believe that happily agreeing 'what a bitch, he should go for full custody' comments are sensible and besides, if his child is happy with his mother then he shouldn't want to go for full so-called 'custody'. Sounds like something needs to be formalised for a bit of stability though.

BillyBanter Tue 31-Dec-13 17:51:41

Same for anything. There should be some sort of audit of judges' performances. How many complaints, how many cases overturned etc. Maybe there is...

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 31-Dec-13 17:43:59

It is a shame that some judges don't seem fit to be in that position.

I think that should be aimed at all of the various "specialist" organisations that get involved with these cases.

Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 17:14:42

I have to ask what the fuck was the judge on and is he still in the family court system?
Well, quite.
It is a shame that some judges don't seem fit to be in that position.

Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 17:13:28

The court system always takes time, but the dad got the result he wanted.

There will also be a few mums in somewhat similar circumstances. Sometimes we hear about them here. There are cases where children are being abused by their fathers and the court still enforces contact, and the mother is afraid of breaching contact. The world is not perfect. It does not mean that we should avoid the courts, or that they never work.

Evidence is about numbers, just not a case in a newspaper.

It still stands that if the informal path is not working, then the OP's brother should go the legal route.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 31-Dec-13 17:02:16

with the first story instead of praising the father, I have to ask what the fuck was the judge on and is he still in the family court system?

fifi669 Tue 31-Dec-13 16:35:54

I don't see being denied access for three years as a balancing story

Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 16:14:24

It is sad, but it is still one dramatic case.
We don't hear about the ones where there are more satisfactory resolutions.
Then you had the previous one to balance it.

fifi669 Tue 31-Dec-13 15:38:49

If this isn't the system being a joke I don't know what is!

Lweji Tue 31-Dec-13 15:11:39

Fifi, that is a good example of the father not giving up and the court ultimately ruling in his favour. Thanks. smile

And agreeing with BillyBanter.

BillyBanter Tue 31-Dec-13 15:11:21

advise, not advice.

BillyBanter Tue 31-Dec-13 15:11:10

If I was in a position to advice any man hoping to escape an abusive relationship with the mother of their children I would advice them not to leave without the children. We would never advise a mother to leave an abusive husband without taking her children.

BillyBanter Tue 31-Dec-13 15:08:36

She was emotionally abusive towards him, not to the kids. She's not an unfit parent. DB knows that taking ds from her would kill her, he doesn't want to do that.

Yes it was arranged he'd see ds in the morning before he went to work, she then decided that unless he spent all day he couldn't come in and wouldn't let him in the house.

She still thinks they'll get back together.

People who are abusive to their partners are not generally good parents. Denying her children access to their dad is not good parenting. It is abusive to them as well as to him. This is the same for abusive men or women. It is fairly typical for abused women to not want to deny their abusive ex access to the kids, or the kids access to their father even though their abusive nature is not good for the kids. IME abused fathers typically do not want to deny the abusive mother custody of the children because they have been trained to see the mother's hurt feelings as most important. I understand him feeling this way but really he should go for custody for their sake. Her welfare is no more his concern than a woman's should be for her ex abusive H.

It's not an easy path but he should go to court for custody or at least a big chunk of custody for his children's sake.

fifi669 Tue 31-Dec-13 14:54:15

There are so many cases where the NRP, normally the man is completely sidelined to accommodate the mother.

Rufustherednosedreindeer Tue 31-Dec-13 14:41:54

Agree a lot with boney and with fifis last post

If that's the case, the NRP should absolutely go down the Court route, but someone wanting full residence of their child regardless just smacks of spitefulness.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 31-Dec-13 12:47:00

the flip side to that Vampyre is what should happen when the child is unhappy with the RP?

If they refuse to do so after Court intervention then they're breaching a Court order, can't you be held in contempt of Court for that? Someone going for 'custody' suggests that they're after sole care of a child which is not in the best interests of the child if they are happy and settled already. Shared care, perhaps, which doesn't need to be 50/50.

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