Dsis charging for Christmas dinner.

[MercuryRising]

Hi.
We are going to my dsis for Christmas dinner this year. This is the first year she has hosted.
In previous years my dmum or I have hosted and on these years have footed the bill except if somebody has offered to bring alcohol or puddings with them. I have just had a text from my dsis telling me that she has worked out the bill and it is £16 per head so I need to pay £64 for me, dp and 2dc (5 and 7). Now I do not consider myself to be tight but feel angered about the way this has been done because it really does feel that she is charging her own dniece and dnephew to eat. Aibu to feel rattled by this?

[Bluecarrot]

Work out how much you spent in prior years, deduct her £64 and invoice her?

[givemeaclue]

Yanbu that is outrageous. If she couldn't afford to host she should have said so up front or asked people to bring things with them I.e one bring pudding, one bring crackers etc. she could have said, I will host but will need everyone to make a financial contribution etc.

It is late in the day to charge for Xmas! what you do about it though I don't know!

[Bluecarrot]

And YANBU!

[magicstar1]

Text her back "haha, you almost had me there ;-)"

[Gossipyfishwife]

I think your DSis is a tight arse if you have previously hosted her and her family.

Tell her this and present her with a bill for past meals or offer to trade it for this year's dinner.

I hate meanness. It is the most unappealing failing.

[CrazyHamstersbigbaubles]

No YANBU & £16 to feed one child is bloody ridiculous .

If any of my relatives did this is tell them where to get off .
It would be different if she had said 'oh could you give a small contribution or bring the pudding' but that's just taking the biscuit .

[ThatVikRinA22]

i simply wouldnt go if this is the case and i would point out that in previous years the host has not charged!

[PenguinBear]

Love the idea of what she owes you! Reply saying after totalling up all the years you served her she owes x amount to you!!

[steff13]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I actually your sister is being quite tactless. Hosting a large dinner can be expensive, but I think it would have been more appropriate for her to suggest a potluck rather than a cover charge.

[BrianTheMole]

Is she a bit skint? Even so, she can't charge that for the kids.

[FatOwl]

I do know some families that put into a "kitty" to buy the xmas dinner, so the financial burden isn't all on the host family.

But that obviously isn't the case here.

I agree invoice her for the previous years- if you've done it more than once you might end up in profit

Cheeky cow

[AgentZigzag]

Tell her to go fuck herself?

Maybe not, Christmas season and all that.

Charging the same for children who eat like birds as she is for the adults

If you don't want to cause a ruckus while you give her a lesson in manners, just keep putting her off if she asks for it, talking as though you meant/mean to do it but keep forgetting.

Or you could go down the road of laughing heartily in her face saying you thought she was having a joke with you, going deadly serious and in shock at her transgression when she says she wasn't

[AgentZigzag]

And I can well believe this, I was in shock when DH told me his dad had told his brother he owed £50 for the week he'd stopped over at Christmas.

DH didn't get a bill because he lived there but BIL didn't so he got charged board.

[MercuryRising]

Thank you so much for replying I feel so much better for knowing I anbu. She is far from short of money has no dcs of her own (although is expecting, so I don't feel I can say much). She earns about double our household income. It isn't really the money but the principle which has left me so annoyed. In her text she said it is cheaper than any meal out so I have text saying that I mistakenly thought it was a family Christmas not a meal out but will be sure to settle the bill on the day I have decided just to go down for dinner, bite my tongue and not drink and then come home eatlier than planned so I don't end up saying something I will regret. I guess the main thing is the dcs have a good afternoin with all the family. Im determined not to let this ruin our family day but needless to say I will be avoiding events hosted by her from now on. Bloody families

[Whowouldfardelsbear]

Do all the left overs get divvied up then? Take some Tupperware for your 'share' of the leftover turkey

[MrsAMerrick]

yanbu, as others have said if she is much poorer than you and your parents she should have said from the outset that she would need people to bring a contribution. Billing you instead is outrageous.
I think you need to take a deep breath and then talk to her, point out that you have always hosted and not asked for money, and then perhaps suggest that in future years you should all make a contribution so it's not too much money for one person.
My first thought was that £16 ph is far too much, but when I think about the cost of food and extras (crackers, champagne etc) then that's probably what we spend. I'm hosting this year, just my dp, and dm has said she'll bring the pudding and the champagne.

[AgentZigzag]

And a share of any alcohol left over whowould.

It'd be the OPs property.

[MrsAMerrick]

sorry, x-post, if she is better off than you then it's even more unreasonable!

[MercuryRising]

MrsAMerrick there was a separate charge for drinks. When I found that out I told her I would bring my own! I guess I just have to laugh or else my anger will tarnish the day.

[AgentZigzag]

How will the other guests take their bills do you think Mercury?

Surely they'll be fuming the same as you won't they?

Maybe someone else will kick it all off, save you the trouble

[Madamecastafiore]

We asked everyone for £20 a head for adults only one year. We are the only family with a big enough house to put up 14 relatives for the 3 days over Christmas and fuck me if I'm footing the bill for a bunch of lazy gannets to descend on me and eat me out of house and home.

[perfectstorm]

That's appalling. Seriously appalling. Frankly I wouldn't go - I would send a sharp text highlighting that she's happily eaten everyone else's food, and now expects others to foot the bill for her version of a family Christmas, and why exactly is she imagining that restaurant bills - which have to cover double time staffing and profit and is set by the damn market and not costs - have anything to do with this at all?

Apart from anything else she could get a fully prepared lunch with all the trimmings from COOK for a tenner each. Is she feeding you organic fresh Kelly Bronze turkey, smoked salmon starter, and champagne, or what? Why should you fork out for her gourmet choices, even if so?

What have the rest of your family said about this - surely your Mum is best placed to say something? She can't think this is okay?

[perfectstorm]

Madame asking in advance for £20 per adult to cover 3 days of food is massively different to asking at the last minute for £16 a head to cover just the Xmas lunch, when the people you're asking have previously hosted you. I think your request is reasonable - it's an affordability/fairness thing. The sister's is bonkers. If she really can't afford it, as others have said, ask for each family to bring something - starter; pud & creams etc.; specified booze. That's fine. This is just... venal.

[AgentZigzag]

I'm sure you didn't bill your guests out of the blue madamc.

[MercuryRising]

Im not sure they will Zigzag. My stepdad mentioned this to me prior to the text tonight and said that he felt that it is only right everybody contributes. Which I agree is fair but surely like somebody said upthread you either ask people to bring some food or contribute alcohol or an unspecified financial contribution. My ddad is coming and is on dla it just makes me cross that she will be charging him as well - surely if you want paying you don't offer to host? The plan is definitely to come away as soon as possible I think - I'm rubbish at not expressing what I am thinking but will not let this ruin our family day