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AIBU to be miffed at last minute change of plans? (ILs, sorry!)

(67 Posts)
LadyCelia Thu 19-Dec-13 10:06:44

We're off to the ILs this weekend, 3 hr drive after work including M25 (aggh, hell) to see them for Christmas. The original plan was to go Friday, have their family Christmas do on Saturday night & come home Sunday lunchtime.

We've just found out that they have moved the family Christmas do to Sunday afternoon, which means that we won't get home til silly o'clock on Sunday night, and as I have to work Monday & Tuesday, bang goes my only time to do the washing, wrap a few presents, tidy up etc. Also then we can't relax & have a drink as one of us will have to drive.

SIL now has parties to go to on Friday & Saturday nights, hence the change of plan - but the day was originally agreed months ago with all the family. And we only found out about the change due to DH noticing something on her FB wall (bloody FB), ILs haven't thought to let us know.

AIBU to point out to the ILs that a bit of notice would have been nice? Or shall I just smile sweetly & fume silently?
Perhaps then we could have arranged to go Saturday morning to give me Friday evening to do things, but apparently it's too late to change our arrival day now as they've catered for us! DH says just suck it up, & don't fuss, I can do the washing & wrapping on Christmas Eve after work.... angry

TimothyClaypoleLover Thu 19-Dec-13 10:16:59

I would change your plans and not travel until the Saturday so you have Friday night to get organised. If they can change things on you at last minute without telling you then I don't think its unreasonable to change your plans slightly. Tough if they have catered for you Friday night, tell them you had plans for Sunday evening that are now ruined.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 19-Dec-13 10:19:21

I would stick to original plans no one has told you any different and you cant change this late.

Charlesroi Thu 19-Dec-13 10:20:12

I take it that your DH will also "suck it up" when he's required to pitch in with the wrapping and household chores?

pianodoodle Thu 19-Dec-13 10:23:49

I'd just leave Sunday lunchtime and say you weren't told about the change of plan.

ZacharyQuack Thu 19-Dec-13 10:25:40

Does DH not do washing or wrapping?

Mymumsfurcoat Thu 19-Dec-13 10:27:17

I would stick to the original plan as well, and leave when you were planning to. Maybe they won't be so thoughtless in future.

JoinYourPlayfellows Thu 19-Dec-13 10:28:20

I would either leave on Sunday lunchtime as planned or not go until Saturday morning.

Bollocks to them having "catered" for Friday night - if they can change plans this late, so can you.

hillyhilly Thu 19-Dec-13 10:30:25

Give yourselves a break, go Saturday.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 19-Dec-13 10:31:28

Go Saturday morning, so you don't miss the family do, and have Friday night for wrapping jobs. Traffic might not be so hideous on Saturday either?

As others have said, if they can change plans so can you.

Slipshodsibyl Thu 19-Dec-13 10:32:15

Agree, go Saturday and dont feel aggrieved

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 19-Dec-13 10:32:44

If you let them do this too, do not moan in furture when they continent to do it, and they will do it because you suck it up.

ENormaSnob Thu 19-Dec-13 10:32:46

I would be pissed off tbh.

I would probably leave sun afternoon as you had already made plans what with the party being saturday eve wink

littlewhitechristmasbag Thu 19-Dec-13 10:37:17

Go Saturday morning. They changed the plans without consulting you so they can hardly feel aggrieved if you do this. You get a nice Friday evening doing what you need to do and a relaxed start on Saturday. It means you don't have to fret about being late home on Sunday. If they have bought food then too bad. They can freeze it.

LegoCaltrops Thu 19-Dec-13 10:39:20

You've already got plans on Sunday afternoon. What with it having been arranged months ago. And your DH should help with the laundry & wrapping, tell him to suck it up.

LadyCelia Thu 19-Dec-13 10:40:59

Fuck, just tried again with the "lets got Saturday morning" approach with DH and he's gone ballistic, he never sees his family & he wants to spend the whole weekend with them. Fucking tosspot, he never goes by himself to see them, he'll only go with me, and when he does get there, he falls asleep under the papers all day while I have to make small talk with two very (lovely) set in their ways people.
And he won't help with anything here at home, I've just got back after 3 days at work, and the same washing I put on on Monday morning before left is going all smelly in the machine still. Useless wankbadger.
Off to go & shout some more at him.

FrysChocolateCream Thu 19-Dec-13 10:43:39

I think when you are there, you wouldn't be able to get out of the Sunday party so I vote for going on Saturday morning too. The catering that your ils have done is irrelevant. So what? They can leave it in the fridge, big deal. Your sanity and Christmas is more important.

delilahlilah Thu 19-Dec-13 10:43:43

Tell him it is all fine, but HE does all the jobs that you planned to do. I hate it when everything gets pushed on to Xmas eve. Very annoying to change the plans, but not to even tell you is rude.

delilahlilah Thu 19-Dec-13 10:45:08

Hmmm x post with your last post! Why can't he go without you then? Is he a child or an adult?!

littlewhitechristmasbag Thu 19-Dec-13 10:45:16

Dig your heels in and tell him that in fact you have now completely changed your mind and you are not going at all. You have too much to do at home and cannot spare the time. He can go on his own. Do not back down and only concede when he says that you can go saturday as planned

CeliaLytton Thu 19-Dec-13 10:45:33

YANBU to be miffed. Ask that they do lunch at 12 and head home at 2.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 19-Dec-13 10:48:41

go ballistic back and say you are not ruining your xmas so DSIL can fit her obv more improtant plans in. you stick to the plan or you do not go, or he goes alone

HopeClearwater Thu 19-Dec-13 10:51:09

Refuse to go. It sounds like hell on earth. Why should he get away with a weekend of snoozing while you have to chat inanely? They're not your parents.
My MIL will speak to my DH but when she realises he's not listening she'll address it to me. I then say Oi DH your mother is talking to you! She tries to excuse him but I'm not having it any more and he knows it. She also feeds him up continually even though he struggles with his weight but that's a whole other thread angry

MissScatterbrain Thu 19-Dec-13 10:52:04

Stop shouting at him. Be calm and tell him that you either go on Saturday morning or he goes on FRiday without you.

Also why are you doing his chores?! he should be doing doing his fair share of housework anyway.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Thu 19-Dec-13 10:52:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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