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To be so fairly furious with ds's school/teacher

(112 Posts)
DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:16:44

Ds1 is 5, in Year 1. Every Monday they take £1 'fruit money' in and then have a piece of fruit with milk in the afternoon. I put the £1 in ds's bookbag every Monday which he then takes out and hands in.
There are two kids in the class that won't eat fruit, so never have it. As far as I know, everyone else (20 + kids) do.

So tonight, I'm putting the dc to bed and ds asks in a really sad voice 'Mummy, can you give Mrs X a pound tomorrow?' I ask why and he says so that he can have fruit tomorrow and Friday. On further questioning, he says that he didn't have £1 on Monday so he hasn't been allowed any fruit. He did ask his teacher but she said he couldn't because he hadn't paid.

He then went on to tell me he's gone into the toilets every day this week at fruit time because 'I didn't want the other children to see me crying'.

So I've looked in his bookbag and found the missing £1 - it had gone right down into the bottom corner (took me a good 20 seconds to find it) so ds1 had thought it wasn't in there.

AIBU to be actually quite upset and angry at his teacher? Could a bit of common sense not have been employed? Ds1 is nearly 6 and started at the school the day after his 3rd Birthday. Without fail, EVERY single Monday, he has always had his fruit money.

Surely common sense would say it's some kind of mistake - why didn't the teacher just have a word with me? Ds always has his money in his bookbag...why didn't the teacher check for him when he couldn't find it?

It may seem really petty to some...but to a 5 year old this is such a big deal. He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.
Any insight from teachers who deal with the whole fruit money with young kids would be helpful too.

AIBU to want to have a serious word with the teacher?

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 21:00:34

That 'loose' rolled away and got lost within the sentence. See how easy it is?

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 20:59:33

You mean like put the money in a purse Wellthen, so that the child and the teacher could find it?
Like a sensible mummy would have done?

<bitter from years of scrabbling and fielding money from 32 children all trying to give it to you at once, because their mummies loose told them to.>

Wellthen Thu 19-Dec-13 20:29:56

So, your son's teacher:
Didn't know that the £1 had got lost in his bag.
Assumed that when he said 'I don't have my pound' he meant it.
Had no idea he was upset so therefore didn't think to check a minute part of her day with you.

and you're furious with her? Yes the teacher probably should have just given it anyway and yes she might have thought it was odd that he didn't have it. Did you do every single part of your job perfectly today? There wasn't even a second of your week that you look back on and think 'hm, perhaps if I had done this it would have been easier, quicker, better'?

maddy68 Thu 19-Dec-13 20:04:48

With free schools, academies etc the rules re free fruit are all different now some are free. Some aren't and councils or the schools themselves pay and others don't

Hulababy Thu 19-Dec-13 18:53:18

If fruit has to be paid for maybe the class teacher is only given the exact amount of pieces.

This is what happens with milk which had to be paid for, at my school anyway. There are only spares if a child who has milk is off absent.

Of that is the case then maybe there just wasn't any spare to give the child.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 19-Dec-13 18:14:47


The parents that I have dealt with this week have made it somewhat difficult to separate sarcasm from actual idiots. smile

thank whatever deity you like for wine and cake and brew

Rowgtfc72 Thu 19-Dec-13 17:04:54

Were in NE Linc's and we pay three pounds each term upfront for fruit and treats.parents are fleeced for the money, nobody asks the children.

lljkk Thu 19-Dec-13 11:50:05

Don't make it into a mountain, £1 into a big fat envelope so harder to miss, problem easily solved.

I imagine OP's DS got confused about what he was allowed or not (mine would at that age). No biggie. Mine would forget about it all week, too (kids only live in the now, hard to remember stuff for later).

I have a 5yo fruit refuser, doubt he will take to free hot dinners, too (argh).

hardboiledpossum Thu 19-Dec-13 10:55:02

As a former ta I am shocked. I would never have excluded a child from having fruit or milk if they didn't have the money. Often the ones who don't pay are the ones who come from.chaotic families, I wouldn't make them suffer twice by missing out on a snack as well. I would always pay for those who couldn't. It is cruel to exclude a child from an activity.

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 10:35:20

It was initially free, then the funding was pulled in many places and the LEAs had to decide on priorities and if they wanted to continue the scheme.

mrsbabookaloo Thu 19-Dec-13 10:29:32

I think the "scar children for life" poster was joking, people.....

However, i am shocked that children so little have to pay for fruit and are singled out and don't get it if they haven't got the money, not only becauase this is unfair on families that can't pay, but also the logistics of making little ones repsonsible for the money. I thought the whole point of fruit at school was to even things out for children, so that even children who might not get given fruit at home can at least get it at school??

Thank god for our london borough which not only gives all KS1 kids free fruit, but also provides free school meals for all children up to Year 4.

ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic Thu 19-Dec-13 10:25:25

Teacher should have given him the fruit and lettered you for the pound .

suntansue Thu 19-Dec-13 10:13:54

I would send his pound in an a4 envelope with massive writing on saying Fruit Money.. I can't be missed then wink

GideonKipper Thu 19-Dec-13 10:05:08

BoneyBackJefferson the poster was being sarcastic.

My dd is in KS1 and gets free fruit. I don't think she gets a drink of milk confused, I know she did in nursery class.

Anyway, OP I'd just calm down a bit. I know it's not good to think of your ds being upset but all it takes is a quick word with the teacher to say the money was in the book bag, it will always be in the book bag, so if ds can't lay his hands on it could he still have the fruit and an adult check the bag. But yes, an envelope would be a good idea.

frumpypigskin Thu 19-Dec-13 09:38:35

I think it's a bit rough asking you all to pay for fruit. I think either the children bring in a snack or the school should provide fruit for everyone that wants it. You can't single children out.
My child is in year 1, he takes in a snack and they are given fruit. They are also allowed to take a piece of fruit at home time if they are hungry.

WhenSarahAndStuckUpTheChimney Thu 19-Dec-13 09:17:31

Milk and fruit are free in DS's class, but he is still in F2 as he is only four, he will move up to Year 1 in September.

But from his 5th birthday in March we will have to pay for his milk. Fruit will still be free at that point I think.

We can pay for milk on-line, either weekly, monthly or each half term.

3asAbird Thu 19-Dec-13 09:02:13

odd diferences between wales and england,

teacher should have used common sense and been kinder.

some kids are sensitive.

I would have a word..

used to send dd1 loose money in bookbag for cake sales and tuck shop buy milk or juice.

free fruit in ks1 abundance of it.

milk annoys me as dd2 starts reception 2014 she 5 in sept so will have to pay or she wont understand why most of class get free milk should be free for all reception at least or all ks1 be nice.

just think they bang on about healthy eating and strict rules on packed lunch contents free fruit for all primary be good thing its seems juniors dont need to eat as much as no free school meals proposed for ks2.

All our money at current school goes through office mostly but there was time dd1 gave rception £1 they phoned up and asked whats £1 for?

Kerosene Thu 19-Dec-13 08:41:29

It's not so much the missing fruit and whether or not to put the money in an envelope that's the issue - your DS just needs to learn that these things happen and that it's not a catastrophe - it's that he was crying in the toilets for three days and no one noticed that worries me. Might just be an overstatement on his side, but I'd want to know if she knew about that.

MidniteScribbler Thu 19-Dec-13 08:17:58

The teacher should just have given him the fruit. I'd just throw in fruit for any child that couldn't pay rather than exclude anyone.

But if I had to chase around school bags for loose coins every week I'd go mental. Buy a little coin purse which attaches to the handle of the bag, or put it in an envelope which is easy to find.

SilverApples Thu 19-Dec-13 08:14:29

Why give a 5 year old a loose coin he couldn't find?
Why didn't he tell his mum the first day he was upset?

Greenmug Thu 19-Dec-13 07:23:35

Well no it won't scar him for life and its not the end of the world but its a bit shit isn't it.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 19-Dec-13 06:46:23

"The teacher is a negligent bitch."
"People like this SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!"

Someone needs to get a grip

SilverApples Wed 18-Dec-13 23:03:55

In our LEA, fruit for KS1 started as a free government thing, then it stopped. Our school decided to continue to fund it, so KS1 get free fruit, milk is paid for by parents if they want it.

SilverApples Wed 18-Dec-13 23:00:44

Get him a purse or a wallet.
A loose coin is asking for trouble, and why has he been sad for three days and not told you?
Did he think you'd be cross with him for losing the coin?

justgirl Wed 18-Dec-13 22:48:49

i would feel the same as you. to think of my little boy crying in the toilets makes me really sad, i always used to put my sons dinner money in the front pocket of his back pack when he was at nursery....we are talking maybe 2 years old? the girls knew i did this, i still told them every day, yet a day did arise whereby my son went without his lunch whilst all his little friends were eating without him because the girls forgot. I wasn't happy.

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