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To think that if you move 100 miles away from NRP you should stick to your agreement?

(56 Posts)
TheNightIsDark Wed 18-Dec-13 19:16:09

I'm fucking furious so can't see whether I am being unreasonable.

Brief back story- DSD lived with me and DP from 5 months. XP split up with DP when she was 6 months pregnant. She kept leaving DSD for weeks at a time with us and claimed tax creds, housing etc based on her having DSD. Whenever we asked her to change the child benefit she would take DSD back.

Back and forth to court. DP had residency 4 times. The last time it was awarded to XP (DP had been shown to be irresponsible by forgetting to phone back cafcass). DP has DSD EOW.

All was fine. Then at beginning of year XP moves over 100 miles away with DSD to live with her new partner. DP didn't know he could argue it so agrees as long as XP does half the trips.

DP lost his job. Couldn't keep up with private maintenance agreement. Explains to ex that he will pay what he can when be can and will backdate when he gets new job. She phones CSA. CSA tell her he has no income, surviving off my maternity pay.

He got a new iob Friday. Was going to tell them Friday when XPs new partner brings DSD to us (their weekend to travel). The new partner has just phoned DP and said they won't be bringing DSD anymore ever as they can't afford it

She's the one who bloody moved promising that she would stick to half the trips. She knows we are skint so it looks like she's trying to cut DP out.

DP wants to pick DSD up and not return her as its her mum not sticking to her own agreement. I think its unfair as it's christmas.

What the fuck do we do now? He's broken enough with XP refusing to let him speak to DSD during the fortnight he doesn't see her, she's filthy when we get her, she's writing letters to her friends where we live saying she wants to live here and that mummy shouts at her for saying it.

What would you do? I can't even go and get her the weekends they're supposed to and help DP out as she's not allowed in my car as I've only been driving since June confused

Sorry this was long. Just so fucking rage filled and don't want to vent in front of DCs.

BuffyxSummers Wed 18-Dec-13 21:42:33

Shit happens, people lose jobs. The DH has managed to get work again quickly so he was obviously trying. If the XP has now been told about the new job and the maintenance starting up again, and is still saying she won't be able to afford to travel, she's being unfair. If she's still unaware of the new job, then she's not being unfair if the lack of maintenance means she can't afford the travel.

TheNightIsDark Wed 18-Dec-13 21:44:14

If she answered her phone to DP she woulfbd been told today. It wasn't even her that phoned to say she wouldn't be doing the travelling on Friday. Her partner phoned instead.

BuffyxSummers Wed 18-Dec-13 21:49:34

So she doesn't know? Then she's being fair based on what she knows. She thinks she has no money coming in. It's affecting her budget so she can't travel.

TheNightIsDark Wed 18-Dec-13 21:56:05

DP is going to email her and let her know. Then see what happens. He's also going to phone her school tomorrow and see if they have any concerns about the other stuff.

zipzap Wed 18-Dec-13 22:17:51

I would have thought that a late pick up on the Friday would be a good idea - if dd's put her pyjamas on before travelling and had a blanket to cover her in the car, your dh could jut lift her into bed when they get home and you get all Saturday together, even if you just have a gentle morning, it's better than your dh having to do a 200 mile round trip then.

TheNightIsDark Wed 18-Dec-13 22:26:18

Just worried her mum won't see it as a good thing and will insist on Saturday morning.

I'm sure it will all get sorted in time. It's just the stress in between is horrible.

Thank you everyone for the replies.

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