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to feel like a shit mum because

(47 Posts)
TheOrchardKeeper Wed 18-Dec-13 13:21:42

I keep snapping at DS? blush

I had all the patience in the world when he was a difficult baby but now he's just turned 3 and well aware when he's misbehaving I keep losing my cool. Especially as I'm housebound with a sprained ankle (am an lone parent) this week and he's driving me up the wall. It gets easier doesn't it? This is just a difficult age isn't it? He was such an easy going toddler for a year and a bit.

It's lovely a lot of the time and I have lots of strategies to use etc but I just see red sometimes <lousyparentemoticon>

I tell him I love him daily, we hug and do a lot together but it just gets so intense sometimes, especially when I'm stuck in with this V.painful foot.

ilovecolinfirth Fri 27-Dec-13 15:35:47

I used to look enviously at people with their 'perfect' children whilst my tiny tear away tested my patience at every opportunity. And then it changed. I don't know when, but now as a 4 year old I ADORE his company so much! It won't last, he'll go through other awkward stages but what I'm saying is it doesn't last forever. Be firm with him, set your expectations, but sometimes selectively ignore his behaviour. Don't be too harsh on yourself.

BertieBowtiesAreCool Fri 27-Dec-13 12:14:20

I felt like that when DS was 3. And 4. It's getting better now he's 5!

I wish I had been more consistent from the start about things like hitting. I kept thinking he'd grow out of it and trying to deal with the anger, I didn't think about trying to deal with both.

glammanana Fri 27-Dec-13 11:22:38

So glad to read things are a wee bit easier for you Orchard,your little man must have been missing his Nursery Class and been all super excited about Christmas with the run up to it so being indoors for a few days would not help his energy levels at all and everything looks 10 times worse when we are unwell ourselves,I can remember one year when my OH was away on a posting over Christmas when myself and the 3DCs all came down with flu and every other complaint you could think off and we where all snuggled into a double bed for 6 days until my mum could arrive and rescue me but it passes and you forget about it. take care and don't stress.

JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles Fri 27-Dec-13 10:00:45

Sounds good Orchard, good luck in 2014 fsmile

- Remember they are only 3 for a year. And they are still very small people much as they'd like to convince you otherwise!

TheOrchardKeeper Fri 27-Dec-13 08:42:41

That link is brilliant by the way. Thank you!!

TheOrchardKeeper Fri 27-Dec-13 08:38:18

Thank you.

Feeling a bit better. I re-read a very good parenting book I'd stashed away and have ben trying to make sure I praise a little more and always follow through on discipline etc which has made things a little easier. He's lovely natured a lot of the time. Just very lively and defiant for the sake of it sometimes (like all toddler though!) and I'd gotten a bit lax out of tiredness/crappiness which made the hard bits worse.

Hope you've all had a good christmas! wine

ProjectGainsborough Mon 23-Dec-13 20:28:16

Been there, feel your pain. Just remember, one day they go to school

For six hours a day!

darjeelingdarling Mon 23-Dec-13 20:18:58

darjeelingdarling Mon 23-Dec-13 20:18:39

hey op - hope you're feeling better?

saw this and thought of you! wine wine

TheOrchardKeeper Sat 21-Dec-13 19:45:06

wine amen!

PeriodFeatures Sat 21-Dec-13 19:37:58

Its hard isnt it? having loads to do and no help and a little person with bags of needs. I've been stressed to hell today and felt on the end of tether at times with DD. I feel really guilty, like i should be more tolerant. I'm not snappy, just gritting teeth. I think it's the need of a break. But hey. It's fricking wine o clock brain!

TheOrchardKeeper Sat 21-Dec-13 19:01:30

Thanks for the replies. My foot is much better but we now have stonking colds. His dad returned him after a few hours earlier (instead of overnight) saying he was too ill to have hmm

What does he think I bloody do when he's ill? Pass him off to someone else...oh wait, there is no one else...and he's my responsibility anyway so I wouldn't (if it was the other way around).

JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles Fri 20-Dec-13 20:15:30

HaHa Andrew - mine are just coming into early teens (I may not be laughing for long!)

loveolives Fri 20-Dec-13 20:12:40

I have a 3 year old boy and I completely understand and empathise with what you are going through.

Andrewofgg Fri 20-Dec-13 20:11:23

Three does rejoin the human species, soon, I promise you. Teen takes longer, you have been warned.

darjeelingdarling Fri 20-Dec-13 19:34:12

oh orchard big hugs. even the best juggler drops their balls sometimes! try not to be so hard on yourself - you are literally doing your very best, on your own, and all we can do as mums is be good enough - not perfect, though I suspect you probably are!grin

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 18-Dec-13 18:19:29

Hope it gets easier for you Lucille'

This parenting lark is a little bumpy in places!

LucilleBluth Wed 18-Dec-13 18:14:24

I just started a thread in chat about my demon 3yo. 3 is turning out to be hard work, chin up OP.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 18-Dec-13 18:12:17

And thank you for the offer anyway night thanks

He goes to his dad's for one night a fortnight.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 18-Dec-13 18:10:45

Glad it's not just DS that's had a belated terrible twos!

And I love that analogy Darjeeling' . That's how I feel all the time. Sorry to hear about your friend. Sounds so stressfull.

DS was born with clubfoot and wears a brace nightly but keeps taking it off without me realizing and i'm scared as hell that he'll relapse. I keep checking everytime I wake up to pee etc but he still misses the odd night of brace-wearing here and there. I'd feel guilty as hell if he had to have another tendenectomy etc. And the appointments are in southamptpon which is 2 trains and a bus away from where I am but nevermind.

I usually juggle it all much better really.

FrenchLimeBlossom Wed 18-Dec-13 17:39:13

I could have written your post OP, I have a 3 yr old DS and a 6 month DS and it's so tiring. I often feel the worst shouty mum ever even though We do lots of fun things I only remember the moments he pushes me to snap or (like today) we are glued to the Disney movies channel all day (DS2 is ill and not feeding so I am having to syringe feed 10ml at a time which limits our activities somewhat! )

I agree that getting outdoors makes a difference, or setting an objective of one task to achieve per day even if only one lot of laundry, one set of baking, one session of story telling, one new game etc.

Home made pizza for supper and a walk to the library earlier, those were today's tasks. Trying to get DS2 to take some milk - that's the other one. Not so good........

I do agree with pp that if you're questioning yourself you probably are doing a good job - we are all too hard on ourselves. Good enough mum is good enough - no one is perfect!

D0G Wed 18-Dec-13 16:07:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gangie Wed 18-Dec-13 15:50:15

Thinking the same this week. I have pnd so getting out is very important but the weather has been so rubbish we can't even go for a walk and My oh is working 8-8 so gone before we get up and not home till nearly 9pm shock we live in the country so have no one near to call too. It's very difficult!! I have 3yr old & 10mth old and feel like a crap mother for getting stressed.

TheNightIsDark Wed 18-Dec-13 15:45:16

hmm I'm in Northamptonshire so can't realistically help I'm afraid.

darjeelingdarling Wed 18-Dec-13 15:03:56

a good friend said she likes another mum a lot as she's one of the few that admit in their area that she's like a duck paddling furiously under the water. not many mums admit to that.

I also know that my friend is dealing with an extremely ill dh with bipolar who isn't able to recognise that he is also abusive (ea), hiding behind his illness. (his phych confirmed this to her - that he's ea behaviour was not his illness). her daughter has a physical disability too and so lots of hospital appts etc. people say to her that she is ALWAYS so happy and breezy. none of them know about her dh, who is a 'professional'. my friend says it's the only way she can cope - being happy around others is her only enjoyment, aside her lovely children.

all I mean is that what we see in others is not always the whole truth thanks

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