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To think my DM would be worse than mad not to take this house?

(31 Posts)
ballinacup Wed 18-Dec-13 12:28:38

DM lives in the same HA property that I grew up in. She lives there with the stepdad and three brothers, two of whom are grown up, the youngest however is only 10.

It's a nice house. She's made a lot of improvements over the years and it's beautifully decorated. However, about 18 months ago her next door neighbours (a quiet young family) moved out and were replaced by what I can only describe as a one-house-episode-of-Shameless.

Dad is a bare knuckle fighter, mum is nice enough but according to the tales he frequently belows from the bedroom window to anyone passing is an IV drug user. They had three very sweet children who have been taken into care due to his frequent violent attacks on her and them (DM constantly phoning the police due to crashes and screams from next door). The mum was pregnant, was whisked off following a particularly vicious attack and returned, no longer pregnant, and without a newborn.

A couple of weeks ago, DM and everyone else in the house were woken at 5am by a full scale drugs raid on the house by local police. DM later had a leaflet popped through her door from the police advising her that organised crime had been clamped down in her area.

DM breathed a sigh of relief at this point, genuinely thinking they would not be allowed to return. But within 24 hours he was back, broke down the chipboard covering the door and seems to be living there, along with her.

DM has been offered an alternative house in a lovely area of the town. The house itself is laid out differently, and my eldest brother would need to use the dining room as a bedroom. DM is wavering about this as she doesn't want to put her dining table into the large storage building attached to the new house. I think this is a ridiculous reason not to move away from her very own one man crime wave.

She has agreed for me to post on here to see what everyone else thinks.

AIBU to think she should seize the chance with both hands and cast ne'er a backward glance?!

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 19-Dec-13 19:09:53

Move. Defo. Ime situations like those never get better. They get worse until they explode with horrible results for everyone around.

HansieMom Thu 19-Dec-13 19:03:38

For the asbestos reason alone, she should move.

NatashaBee Thu 19-Dec-13 18:40:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Debs75 Thu 19-Dec-13 18:34:53

OP We have been eligible for a 4 bed for 2 years now and in that time we turned down loads of private rent 4 beds in the hope the council would come through for us, they didn't.
In the end we got a HA one. It was the first time in over 6 years that a 4 bed had come up for rent with them. They have quite a few 4 and 5 as well.

Surely the two brothers could share bedrooms for a while. Put them in the biggest bedroom and split down the middle.

brettgirl2 Wed 18-Dec-13 16:55:50

yabu its her decision.

Flossiechops Wed 18-Dec-13 16:53:22

Does this trouble get your dm down or bother her? I can't believe that she would even have a second thought of moving in this circumstance - I would be out of there like a bay out of hell!!!

Pigsmummy Wed 18-Dec-13 16:45:35

If they have broken in to the house then they are likely there Illegally so it would be worth calling your HA and non emergency police phone number. Find out what is going on before making a decision. It might be that he is about to go to prison? If so might take away the problem? Also he might be in breach of bail and in which case a call might get him removed.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing Wed 18-Dec-13 14:48:32

She'd be entitled at the moment.

But if she leaves it, and the adult offspring leave home, she won't be. the two of them and the one son would = a 2 bed home.

The adult sons won't be there for ever. 4 bed homes are as rare as hen's teeth. They'll likely move out before one comes up and she won't be eligible any way.

ballinacup Wed 18-Dec-13 14:45:28

Just to add, there is asbestos in the ceiling of her current house and DM would be entitled to a four bedroom house. There are none available at the moment but DM is worried that if she takes the 3 bed, a 4 bed would come up within the next week or two (although the council have told her there are none on the horizon)

Debs75 Wed 18-Dec-13 13:32:07

Why haven't they evicted the family?

Personally I would move from nightmare neighbours where I didn't feel safe, which I have had to, leaving a beautiful house and almost all my possesions, to somewhere I didn't know and have to store my table. That really is a daft reason not to move, she will still have it, there must be more to it

I do agree though with the not knowing your neighbours when you move. She could be going from one bad area to another. We moved again this year and I was terrified that we would have loads of trouble. We didn't, we just have a slightly batty neighbour who has insomnia and hoovers all night

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing Wed 18-Dec-13 13:21:29

A table is just a bit of wood. wallpaper, paint, all trivia. What matters is a quiet life.

If she stays in this house, how long before the neighbours again turn their attention her way and make her life a misery? Is she going to be happy living next to this for potentially the rest of her life?

She could get someone to swing by the new house on a few evenings and see what it's like.

If she prefers to stay in a miserable situation because she doesn't want to have to redecorate a new home or store a bloody table, then really, I don't quite know what to say to her! There must be more to it than that, surely? Fear of the unknown perhaps?

It's up to her though, all you can do is give your opinion, it's her choice. But if she chooses to stay, then she's picking this and she's the one who is just going to have to cope with it.

My worry would be that it would ultimately make her ill.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Wed 18-Dec-13 13:12:24


Love it, not heard that for years!

I would move in her position.

SofaKing Wed 18-Dec-13 13:11:04

You could suggest she knocks on the doors of her neighbours at the New house and introduces herself as a prospective tenant and asks their views on the area?
That would let her check out her new neighbours and find out how they liked living there, so she could be reassured she isn't going from the frying pan to the fire.

spindlyspindler Wed 18-Dec-13 13:05:08

We had a full scale riot in the house next door to ours when I was growing up. The teenagers who lived in it were the children of a very wealthy man who'd bought the house for them and gave them far too much money and leeway. They had loud, drink-sodden, drug-ridden parties every night. Not HA, not "scum". Anyone can move next door to anyone, sadly.

spindlyspindler Wed 18-Dec-13 13:02:35

Unless your mum doesn't have capacity to make these decisions, it's up to her. She's used to where she is and she likes it. There's no guarantee she won't end up with difficult neighbours if she moves. It sounds as if they're upsetting but not dangerous to her, if that makes any sense.

Lj8893 Wed 18-Dec-13 12:56:04

Yy you can get crappy neighbours anywhere!!

I lived in once private rented place where a cult lived next door.
Another private rental I had an elderly completely batty woman next door who accused us of tapping into her electricity, hacking into her computer, playing loud music at 6am (when we were actually asleep!!), and she used to shout to herself all through the night.

Live in a ha property now and have the nicest neighbours!!

Has she got time before she accepts the housing offer so she can scope out the new neighbourhood?

CiderBomb Wed 18-Dec-13 12:56:01

Part of me wonders why the hell she should have to move. They should turf the scum out from next door first.

FudgefaceMcZ Wed 18-Dec-13 12:49:50

Crappy neighbours are not just a risk of HA housing either, the worst ones I had (violent man with partner who wouldn't kick him out, to extent I was asked to give evidence to police, noisy, and constantly smoking weed in the hall area when I was pregnant and with a young baby having to go through the midst of them) were in a completely private rented tenement block. It was nice when I first moved in but the landlord couldn't be arsed and the council were all 'oh we can't do anything because of human rights' like a crowd of ignorant numpties.

FudgefaceMcZ Wed 18-Dec-13 12:45:53

Yes, she should move, she's not going to get another swap realistically and who needs a dining room (especially in exchange for living next to violent druggies ffs)

ballinacup Wed 18-Dec-13 12:44:30

It's true, she could end up with equally shitty neighbours in the new house. I suppose that's the risk of HA housing.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Wed 18-Dec-13 12:43:11

She could get shit neighbours in new house though and have lost all her neighbours and friends.

ballinacup Wed 18-Dec-13 12:43:06

He has threatened DM before. In fact he threatened both of us when we telephoned the police as he was smacking his wife around in the garden last summer. The council came out and warned him about his behaviour and to be fair he hasn't threatened my family since although there was the very weird instance where he told my eldest brother at great length how easy he would find it to get a gun and kill someone

liquidstate Wed 18-Dec-13 12:41:17

She should take the house. The grown up children may leave in the next year or so and then she can have the dining room back.

And its difficult to be house proud next door to neighbours like that.

RedHelenB Wed 18-Dec-13 12:40:06

But what if crappy neighbours move next door to her new house? Has your Mum been threatened or stolen from by this man? Likelihood is he will end up in prison at some point in any case or he will move on so personally I would say stay.

ballinacup Wed 18-Dec-13 12:38:13

I think she's just wobbling at the thought of the new house taking a few months to get to her tastes/standards of decorating as she's a fussy bugger ridiculously house proud. TBH my own house is a bit of a midden so I wish I'd inherited that from her!

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