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Girlfriend and boyfriend talk, aged 5?!

(36 Posts)
AngryBeaver Wed 18-Dec-13 01:40:06

A lady whose child is in the same class as my ds has been asking for a play with her dd for a while.

I'm pregnant with dc 4, we've just moved house, and life is busy.

Plus, I prefer to wait until my dc ASK for friends to play.

Anyway, he asked for the girl (5) and I said fine.

They played nice
Y and then mum came.

She seemed very nice and was chatting away and then said this "ohh, I think they're so lovely together!"
Me:"yes, they've played really nicely" smile

Her"I asked dd if there was anyone she liked that she wanted to be her boyfriend and she said, yes, but I don't know how to tell him!"

Me: ummmm, confused errrr, oh"

Her: dd said she really likes your and said he'd tried to kiss her"

Me: WHAAAAT? Oh well, I'm so sorry! I'll be having words when you go. I think it must be because we're a very kissy family? I'll have to explain that it is only for family!"

Her: oh no!! Don't you say ANYTHING to him! I think it's lovely! C'mon don't be so uptight! Didnt you ever like anyone??"

Me: not when I was FIVE no!"

Her: oh I did, Johnny x loved me when I was 5 but not 6! Etc etc"

Now, all this left a bad taste in my mouth. I think it's really gross that people say boyfriend & girlfriend in relation to children.
Why not just friends??
In my eyes, it's sexualising it.

It's planting seeds that little children do not need to think about.

Anyway, we were supposed to be going to theirs tomorrow (she was quite insistent) and now I don't want to go.

Iabu about all of this?

SirChenjin Wed 18-Dec-13 10:19:32

I don't like it - it's cringey, sexualises or labels innocent friendships between small children and normally comes from the adults rather than themselves.

That being said, DS1(16) has netted himself his first girlfriend, and DS2(6) is now talking about his girlfriend in an attempt to be just like his big brother. I'm not making a big deal about it, but equally I'm not going to encourage it iykwim?

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 10:23:11

YY Tinselly. Ridiculous.

I find it funny how children go through the stages.

My ds2 is 3. He has a 'girlfriend' in school who he likes to cuddle with. He says she's the prettiest girl in the school and he loves her. NONE of this is encouraged/pushed by us. It's normal terminology that he's heard and is using. He knows that when a boy and a girl are very good friends and like each other they are called 'bf/gf'. It's completely innocent.

Ds1 on the other hand is 5 and has just come out of that stage. Girls are disgusting and he wants nothing to do with them!

LieborCookin Wed 18-Dec-13 10:40:03

I know how you feel op, but it is natural development....

CMP69 Wed 18-Dec-13 10:45:02

My 5 yo ds has a girlfriend they hold hands on the path after school its cute. Their teacher said they were too young and were not to hold hands in school shock

vladthedisorganised Wed 18-Dec-13 11:47:13

The mother pushing it is fairly icky, I would agree. There are some people who get hung up on the boyfriend/girlfriend thing when their children are babies - which really gets on my wick. DD has developed a wonderfully withering look when some mother insists she's the 'little girlfriend' of an unknown small boy who happens to be on the roundabout at the same time.

That said, a 5 year old's concept of marriage is quite entertaining. If asked DD would say that 'you have a wedding where you get to wear a nice dress and then people take photos for a long time before everyone has their tea, then you live in the same house after that'.

vladthedisorganised Wed 18-Dec-13 11:49:22

X-posted CMP - in my primary school our class were banned from playing Red Rover, not because of the risk of injury, but because "it was disgusting to see girls holding hands". We were 9 sad

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 18-Dec-13 11:52:23

"I don't like it - it's cringey, sexualises or labels innocent friendships between small children and normally comes from the adults rather than themselves."

I know, it's just grim. Ick, I HATE when adults go on this way with children.

JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles Wed 18-Dec-13 12:02:00

I think you should try to be friendly in spite of seeing this differently.
I get how you feel but, especially as you live in a close community, I'd try to keep it in perspective.
A bit like if someone had different political views but you could still be friends/ your DC could be friends.
Just keep talking about friendships and ignore the GF/BF aspect in any conversation with her. HTH
My friend and I did find it quite amusing when DS was small and he couldn't decide between two girls which one he might marry. He's still friends with one of them, the other seems to have dropped by the wayside (now he's at secondary school and they go to different schools)
Hope we pointed out that it depended what they thought too!

struggling100 Wed 18-Dec-13 12:02:09

I was interested in boys from the age of about 5. I guess I started early!! smile

I am not big on 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' talk from parents, but mainly because it makes me cringe with the over-cutesyness. I don't think there's anything worrying in it, and I don't think it's sexualising - kids cuddle and kiss each other as an affectionate thing, not anything more.

noddyholder Wed 18-Dec-13 12:05:16

I hate this too Hear it a lot

AngryBeaver Wed 18-Dec-13 20:33:58

Ohmergerd...I think you may have something there actually.
The mother is constantly texting me, asking me round and I have replied a few times.
This morning I get one which starts with "hi hon!" confused
I pick my friends here very very carefully, because as you say, it's such a small community.
I made the decision when we moved here that I would be very picky to avoid any awkward defriend ing situations!

She seems to be trying to force a friendship with me.
Has asked to be my running partner (I trail run) and was quite glad that I could say I was pregnant and won't be running for a while.

But she is quite persistent, hangs around after bell goes and wants to walk back to car with me, get coffee or whatever.

She's a nice woman, but not really my type. So I'm finding this a bit suffocating, tbh.

Anyway, I have agreed to meet her in a park today, so I'll see what happens.

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