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AIBU?

To think DH shouldn't pay his ex?

50 replies

BruthasTortoise · 17/12/2013 20:41

DSSs live with us, DSS1 stays with his mum 2 nights a week and goes to school from her house. Today DSSs mum sent a huge ranting text about how she was sick of DH not providing for DSS and how she would no longer be giving him dinner money on the days she has him. This came as news to us as DSS gets his 5 days dinner money at the start of the week. Turns out he had been telling his Mum he had no money then pocketing the £10 she was giving him and using it to buy sweets and crap after school. Their mum is now demanding that DH refund her £100 or so she has paid out this year.
Now DH is going to have a stern word with DSS, come up with a suitable punishment and has told their mum to sell some of his belongings at her house to pay back the money but doesn't think he (DH that is) should have to pay the money. Their mum is now saying she won't have money to get them anything for Christmas if DH doesn't pay. AIBU to think its not DH's responsibility to pay this money back?

OP posts:

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FortyDoorsToNowhere · 17/12/2013 20:43

Does she pay any maintenance.

NotYoMomma · 17/12/2013 20:44

she can jog on

BruthasTortoise · 17/12/2013 20:45

She pays less than half the amount she supposed to - but as half the amount is to pay back arrears the CSA aren't really interested.

OP posts:

wispa31 · 17/12/2013 20:46

No. The son should be made to pay it back, wether thats by no pocket money/ sell stuff/ chores whatever. Mum and dad need to sort it between them how he should make amends. Children need to know there are consequences.

BuffyxSummers · 17/12/2013 20:46

YANBU. It's not your DH fault that dss spent the money.

NatashaBee · 17/12/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow · 17/12/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

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CoffeeQueen187 · 17/12/2013 20:49

Cheeky cow! She should pay for his dinner money whilst he's at hers anyway. You shouldn't have to pay for him whilst he's in her care.

I wouldn't send my children to their dad with food for dinner and spending money etc, he can pay
For it.

Tell her to get fucked!

CoffeeQueen187 · 17/12/2013 20:52

DSS is also a bit cheeky for getting dinner money off her when he's already had it though. He should pay it back really, either through pocket money or chores etc or whatever his parents see fit.

But, I still stick to the fact that she should be paying for his dinner money whilst he's there and not you

BruthasTortoise · 17/12/2013 20:55

He's 14 and in a bit of "phase" at the minute. Tbh communication between DH and his ex is not good, they genuinely dislike each other which, as an "outside" observer I can see creates gaps for this kind of playing both sides off against each other to happen. But at this stage I can't see their parenting relationship getting any better so this is what we have to work with.

OP posts:

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 17/12/2013 20:57

Tell her to do one, not your DH's fault DSS1 was pulling a fast one, and since he lives with you 5 nights a week, then she can fuck off.

Why was she giving a tenner for one school meal anyway.

LineRunner · 17/12/2013 20:58

I think you should all draw a line under this and move on. Lesson learned.

No selling of stuff, no demanding repayments. It honestly isn't worth the grief over a hundred quid from a term that has gone.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 17/12/2013 21:14

It's the boy who should play it back, not the father. I agree she's just wanting some cash this time of year, and there's no reason he should give it to her (unless shes horribly poor and he's stinking rich and then although there's no reason to, I'd be more sympathetic about it)

BruthasTortoise · 17/12/2013 21:25

Unfortunately not filthy rich . Probably could scrape together the £100 but it would leave us right for Christmas.

OP posts:

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 17/12/2013 21:28

Has DSS admitted to this

SugarCaneShortCake · 17/12/2013 21:38

Don't give her any money. I would say that if, DSS has had the money then it is up to his mum to sort out repayment. I do think that it's a bit of a coincidence that she is asking for money this close to Christmas.

Breadkneadslove · 17/12/2013 21:40

It's definitely not your and your DH responsibility to pay the ex the money. I imagine she is just trying her luck! DS should be encouraged to work off his debt. Canny laddy!

If you honestly believe that the ex won't be able to put a present under the tree for the kids and you have some spare cash, then I would do the charitable thing and buy them a gift for her to give them so that they do receive a present from each parent.

But it's a no to giving out cash and I'm surprised that your DH would be paying for school meals on the ex days!

SugarCaneShortCake · 17/12/2013 21:41

Just a thought - how was she going to pay for the presents before this came up?

ImperialBlether · 17/12/2013 21:41

But if she's given him the money for ten weeks, why has that affected her Christmas? If she believed she shouldn't have to give it to him, why didn't she ask your DH after the first time?

I can't see why it's your DH's job to pay, anyway. He was paying his son for lunches.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/12/2013 21:45

He shouldn't give her any money. I do feel a bit sorry for you DSS though, maybe the kid's just hungry after school.

RandomMess · 17/12/2013 21:52

ROFL, yep DSS has to sort out repaying the money some how, Hopefully both of the parents will learn from this escapade...

MikeChristmasTreeIsLit · 17/12/2013 21:53

Shes got a cheek.

Tell her it will be taken of the arrears she owes.

She is obviously lying about the Christmas money. If your dh gives into her with this she will be forever making up bullshit reasons to get money off him.

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hoobypickypicky · 17/12/2013 22:59

This is time for your DH to give his ex the infamous "No is a complete sentence".

WooWooOwl · 17/12/2013 23:13

Your DHs ex is a loon who needs to grow the fuck up and start acting like a parent.

niceguy2 · 17/12/2013 23:28

As tempting as "Fuck you" is as a response, a more diplomatic reply would possibly be to point out that at 14yrs old, he is responsible for his own actions. It happened at her house and he lied to her so she should be the one to punish him and if she wants payment then she will need to work out a way DSS can pay it off. (eg. extra chores).

Otherwise you end up in a bizarre situation where DSS has lied and got money under false pretences and someone else pays it back for him. A BAD lesson to teach. What if in the future he racks up a huge credit card bill? Is DH expected to pay that off too?

Another question, soes DSS get an allowance? Why did he feel the need to lie to get extra money?

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