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Or am I the only mother who would rather stick holly leaves in my eyes that sit through the school christmas play?

(56 Posts)
ItsAWonderfulCervix Tue 17-Dec-13 18:19:58

Even if my PFB is the actual lead?

Lets face it, I wouldn't be going if PFB or PSB weren't in it.

I have a hangover. I am tired.

There will be singing.

It's a fucking Pantomime!!!

I have never been to a pantomime before. I have no yen to go to one. Audience makes me want to kill people. Child performers make me want to kick things.

The whole experience makes me shudder and I can't think of an acceptable excuse to not go.

Obviously I am turribly enthusiastic and supportive in front of the PFB but inside I am nauseous.

And did I mention the hangover.

ItsAWonderfulCervix Tue 17-Dec-13 18:22:08

Audience Participation makes me kill people. Generally audiences are ok. As long as there aren't anyone elses children there. Or rustling. Or whispering.

SpeedData Tue 17-Dec-13 18:23:58

Not unreasonable, I guess, you can't help how you feel. I find it incomprehensible though.

ShellingPeas Tue 17-Dec-13 18:25:08

THe worst thing about school plays and concerts is that they have other people's children in them. I had to sit through 90 minutes of other people's children to listen to a 30 second rendition of Jingle Bells played by my DD on her trumpet (which of course I've had to listen to constantly for the last 6 weeks anyway).

Even worse though is that they wanted us to clap in time to some horrendous rendition of some unidentifiable Christmas tune. Ugh.

ItsAWonderfulCervix Tue 17-Dec-13 18:27:30

Oh yes. The problem is other peoples children. I simply don't like them. I'm not mad keen on my own.

mistermakersgloopyglue Tue 17-Dec-13 18:32:04

You sound like a fucking barrel of laughs.

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce Tue 17-Dec-13 18:32:23

I feel the same, OP. You're not unreasonable at all.

I would gladly forego all school productions ever - including the ones I was in. Never enjoyed it, always loathed it and was sick from nerves...still they kept coming and demanding I do the solo or the duet or whatever.

I did not want to perform. I took zero pleasure from it and cannot understand those who want to watch other people performing, either.

Listening to stuff that's recorded - or recording stuff - yes, I love that. And maybe a live gig when people are really enjoying themselves (folk music or whatever) but generally speaking, live events terrify every bone in my body.

And primary ones are often so contrived 'for the enjoyment of the proud parents' that they're frankly terrible anyway.

It doesn't mean I'm not proud of my children, or impressed with other people's - I just don't like the whole thing.

DeathByLaundry Tue 17-Dec-13 18:32:56

Oh I'm so with you here. Hordes of small tired children propped up on stage, blasting out unidentifiable tunes on brass instruments, stumbling over tinsel, props and their lines while a harassed teacher gesticulates wildly from the floor.

Shoot me now.

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce Tue 17-Dec-13 18:33:56

Sorry that got a bit deep blush

OP is clearly being humorous, well I think so anyway. Why is everyone being so weird?

<grabs Cervix and makes a run for the tardis>

(not my cervix. The person known as.)

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce Tue 17-Dec-13 18:35:09

Oh good, another one! Come on laundry. We can fit you in.

DeathByLaundry Tue 17-Dec-13 18:37:36

That's exactly it, IHeard (top name!), it's the idea that it's all for us that makes it so awful. My DC can't give a shit. It sounds and looks dire and nobody involved enjoys it apart from the usual handful of centre-stage little darlings who, along with their nauseatingly enthusiastic parents, seem to be the only ones to benefit.

I am a fucking hoot, me grin

WreckTangle Tue 17-Dec-13 18:38:34

I love it! The kids have worked hard, I don't mind sitting for an hour to hear my dd do her 2 lines she's been practising since October. It's only once a year.

DeathByLaundry Tue 17-Dec-13 18:40:10

I actually think the worst bit of it all is the head thanking the teachers. Using the phrase "a production of this scale and quality" every single fucking time. Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff it is not.

mistermakersgloopyglue Tue 17-Dec-13 18:41:59

death if your kids don't give a shit then why exactly do you bother going?

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce Tue 17-Dec-13 18:42:09

I am glad that others understand.

I always feel so out of place there. People actually cry. I have been known to emit the odd stomach rumble, but crying - not really.

I love my children at the wrong moments, obviously...not when I'm supposed to.

ItsAWonderfulCervix Tue 17-Dec-13 18:43:25

Lets face it.....

Children are mostly completely crap at performing.

So what's the point?

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce Tue 17-Dec-13 18:44:31

Well I think some of them really enjoy it - but so many do not, and it seems unkind to put them through it as they stand paralysed with terror on the stage and then throw up unceremoniously.

Maybe it could be voluntary?

MrsSteptoe Tue 17-Dec-13 18:45:45

Room for another one, IHeardMummy? Sat through my last nativity two days ago, thank God. It is identical every year. If I never see that bloody donkey costume again, it'll be too soon. Goes without saying that I turn up, and smile appreciatively at DS.

DeathByLaundry Tue 17-Dec-13 18:46:10

Because, mister, they'd be upset if everyone else's parents showed up but we didn't. I may find the whole thing torturous but I wouldn't let my cynicism hurt my children.

Thank you Mumsnet for an outlet.

WreckTangle Tue 17-Dec-13 18:47:59

No massive production at ours, no making out its a massive production. All the kids seem to love it. If you don't like it and your kids don't like it then I'd write a note explaining they don't want to be involved, problem solved.

PacificDingbat Tue 17-Dec-13 18:48:07

I love it because my PFB and PSB and PTB fgrin all participate.
I well up and cry Happy Tears.

Of course they are crap - but they are so happy and excited and their eyes are all shiny and happy to see you there... <melts>

Yes, I am a pathetic sop.
I am also a barrel of laughs.

I'll see if I can find the other Bah Humbug thread for you - you might feel right at home grin

PacificDingbat Tue 17-Dec-13 18:49:34

You too seem to be just one of those mums fwink

MamaBear17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:51:05

Our school productions are brilliant. Seriously, the kids work so bloody hard that I dare any parent not to love them. YANBU though, but only because you have never seen one of ours!

Euphemia Tue 17-Dec-13 18:54:01

Our school Christmas show has a whole curricular plan!

It includes:

Participation in Performances and Presentations:
I have experienced the energy and excitement of presenting/performing for audiences and being part of an audience for other people’s presentations/performances.
EXA 0-01a / EXA 1-01a / EXA 2-01a

I have opportunities to enjoy taking part in dance experiences.
EXA 0-10a

I am becoming aware of different features of dance and can practise and perform steps, formations and short dance.
EXA 1-10a

I have taken part in dance from a range of styles and cultures, demonstrating my awareness of the dance features.
EXA 2-10a

I have the freedom to choose and explore how I can use my voice, movement, and expression in role play and drama.
EXA 0-12a

I enjoy creating, choosing and accepting roles, using movement, expression and voice.
EXA 1-12a

I can create, adapt and sustain different roles, experimenting with movement, expression and voice and using theatre arts technology.
EXA 2-12a

Inspired by a range of stimuli, and working on my own and/or with others, I can express and communicate my ideas, thoughts and feelings through musical activities.
EXA 0-18a / EXA 1-18a / EXA 2-18a

There's (part of) the point!

Next term I'll invite you to come and watch us doing Addition and Subtraction within 20. fwink

ItsAWonderfulCervix Tue 17-Dec-13 21:13:20

I am not alone! I am relatively normal.

Anyway. I survived. I even laughed and actually it was pretty good for a bunch of daft teenagers

Off to peruse that other thread.

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