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To ask this of MIL?

(72 Posts)
Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:02:58

Basically due to unforeseen circumstances I am having to live at my mothers, and my partner at his mothers. This seems like it will be this way for the forseeable future. That's off topic however...

My MIL has four dogs, three Jack Russells and a Labrador.
These dogs are not trained in the slightest. No obedience, treated like her babies. They beg at your feet at meal times, whining and crying and if you so much as give them the chance the foods snapped and down their greedy little throats. Two of these dogs have shown obvious aggression, growling, and biting without much indication or warning as a dog should do, all over territory and being in their 'bubble'.
I may add whenever I'm home alone with these dogs their good as gold, respectful and sweet natured as can be, as they rightfully should. As soon as MIL is home it all changes. They have no regard for furniture ect. Quite happy to jump on the tables/sofa's beds ect and the 'baby' of MIL will regularly go into my partners room and piss all up his bed/carpet/curtains ect which is domineering and worrying!!
The labs no problem but he is old, and very skittish on the wooden floors as he can't keep his balance. I have been sent flying across the room numerous times by him but obviously through no fault of his own.

I have TRIED to talk to her about this, but her answer is that they will love the child, be all over it, give it lots of 'kisses,' be taking food happily out of babies hands, I won't be able to go near my own child they will be so protective and they would take it out of a house fire... Right.

This is the kind of woman that cannot be wrong, and everything she says is right.

Long story short, I want to ask her to have the dogs outside whenever littlein is in livingroom ect ect and also for her to stop smoking in the house. I do not want the dogs near the kids, I'm not willing to take the risk but my OH isn't exactly supporting me in it as he's a pushover when it comes to his terrifying mother.

If so how should I approach her about this? Or am I just being a twat and I should give the dogs a chance as its her home??

I'd appreciate the feedback :/

Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:04:31

Kid* I am due in March lol

ThePinkOcelot Tue 17-Dec-13 18:06:45

YANBU. I wouldn't trust those dogs at all - any dog really. I think your OH needs to man up too.

CranberrySaucyJack Tue 17-Dec-13 18:07:07

Unless I've misunderstood easily done after reading this jumble of words, you want to tell your MIL how and when she should treat her own pets/smoke in her own home. And you don't even live there?


Pinholes Tue 17-Dec-13 18:08:10

Just don't take the baby there. Simple. smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 17-Dec-13 18:08:10

You won't be able to stipulate conditions, OP and it sounds as if it will be tricky to ask even. The dogs can be in the same room as long as you won't be leaving your children unattended.

With the smoking, your MIL may well suggest confining her smoking to one room. Not ideal, I know, but to a smoking dog-lover, you're asking major upheaval to her lifestyle.

Which of the two issues is your DP most irked about?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 17-Dec-13 18:09:32

Misunderstood; you're not going to be living with your MIL. No, you can't ask these things of your MIL, you'll only be visiting. YABU.

Pinholes Tue 17-Dec-13 18:09:56

I think the issues cranberry are the behaviour of the dogs and MIL smoking indoors, both of whch aren't really compatible with a newborn (which the OP will have in March).

Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:09:57

Talking to his mum in general lol.

She wants this child around hers as much as possible, if she had her way she'd have me living with her.
THAT's why I'm asking, if I could it wouldn't go around there at all but I have to take child round or she'll never see it as my mum and her don't really see eye to eye...

WooWooOwl Tue 17-Dec-13 18:10:07

Just don't take you child to her house. Visit her elsewhere, and if she asks why you won't come to her house then you can politely tell her. She might offer to stop smoking and allowing the dogs in the room when your baby is around, but she isn't under any obligation to do so.

You don't have to allow your baby in her home for the foreseeable future, but if your DP is going to be living there long term, then you may have to think again further down the line.

CrohnicallySick Tue 17-Dec-13 18:10:58

YANBU- in fact I would just not go round there with baby unless she agrees- especially with the smoking, as it can increase the risk of cot death even if she doesn't smoke in the same room as the baby.

wonderstuff Tue 17-Dec-13 18:11:09

YANBU, but if she isn't prepared to do this then that should be her perogative, in that event your child simply doesn't go to her house, your partner needs to back you up.

Shesalwaysright Tue 17-Dec-13 18:12:24

So, it's not your house and you don't live there. But you still think you have the right to tell MIL what she does in her own home? Hmm......

Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:13:48

She also had the fantastic idea of taking my child to work with her every weekend when its a bit older to play with the piggies (shes a pig farmer) and teaching LO to ride at 2 on one of her fiery aggressive Thoroughbred horses.... Just to give you ladies a little additional info on her kind of safety.

happyhorse Tue 17-Dec-13 18:13:53

I wouldn't even consider taking the baby there.

HaveAFestiveLittleChristmas Tue 17-Dec-13 18:14:42

The post is a bit unclear, OP, as you only mention a child after the MIL info - no age details? are you expecting? have a new baby?

However. it seems fairly clear cut regardless. I would be as nice as you possibly can be but tell her that your baby(? child?) will not be visiting because of the smoke in the house, and the potential threat from the dogs. Tell her you are happy to met her anywhere else, pretty much any time, because you like her and want her to be close to the child but hope she will understand that as a mother, you have to put your childs safety first.
Then give her a sheaf of material printed from the internet on all the guidelines (and accompanying info) on smoking around babies ...... and every case available on serious harm caused by dogs
(note: I love dogs & own two who are brilliant with DGC, but the behaviours outlines by OP do not paint a safe scenario - even with the normal precaution of an adult on hand)

If your OP needs some backbone over this, show him the evidence and then ask him if he wants to be responsible for the risk?

Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:15:17

'She'salwaysright' baring in mind she wants child over as much as possible. I'm going to just say "ok keep smoking 40 a day my child can have increased risk of cot death! and yeah let your manky dogs like and potentially bite it !! Because its your home?"

ZillionChocolate Tue 17-Dec-13 18:18:52

You and your partner need to agree on the rules for your baby. Offer her the chance to see the baby somewhere neutral or to comply with your rules. You are lucky to have an enthusiastic MIL.

Nanny0gg Tue 17-Dec-13 18:19:41

Of course not!

Just don't take the baby there!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 17-Dec-13 18:20:09

Your dislike of the dogs was obvious, Thornita but it now seems you dislike your MIL also. I'd tread very carefully because you're at risk of alienating her - and possibly your partner too. Why is he not going to be living at your mother's with you?

TSSDNCOP Tue 17-Dec-13 18:22:19

YABU to criticise her dogs and her smoking - what she does in her own home is up to her.

YANBU to advise her that the presence of the dogs and fags mean the baby will not be visiting her at home.

thebody Tue 17-Dec-13 18:23:00

well you would be very very rude to say that op.

it's her house and her dogs. it's not your place to tell her how YOU want her to live her life.

however it's your baby and you have every right to keep baby out if her house/sole charge.

say no to this and the horse riding and the pig farming if you choose. I would.

but you seriously realise she's an adult and can do what she likes in her own home don't you?

Annonynon Tue 17-Dec-13 18:25:09

YABU to ask those things of her and try to dictate how she behaves in her own home

YANBU to decide it's not a suitable environment for your child and not take it there

BuffyxSummers Tue 17-Dec-13 18:25:21

Just don't take the baby round, simple. Your mothers might have to grow up a bit and get along for the sake of you and your child too. MIL can visit you at your home or out and about if she isn't concerned about safety.

Thornita17 Tue 17-Dec-13 18:27:26

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