To expect my siblings to acknowledge DD's birthday?

[minniemouse123]

My DD had her 2nd birthday yesterday. DH and I took her out for the morning with DS and MIL, wanting to mark the day even although she's too young for parties etc.

I have a brother and sister - we get on well and stay in regular contact through email and phone even although we live hundreds of miles apart. However, neither of them sent a card, phoned, or emailed marking the fact that it was my DD's birthday. The most I have had is a 2-minute phone call from sister this morning apologising, saying that she had forgotten (although she knew which date it was).

I sent a photo to them last night of DD in a new outfit, but DB had clearly forgotten as his reply didn't mention her birthday.

The thing is, I have gone to loads of effort for my sister's DS's two birthdays; travelled hundreds of miles with my own kids, paid for big days out, presents and cards. I've tried to be a good Aunt by babysitting for long weekend, whilst also looking after my own kids.

My brother doesn't have kids and is never great with birthdays, but my sister also forgot my DS's birthday last month and avoided any contact with me for two weeks.

My DM sent a card but hasn't phoned, and DSIL said she would come round, but didn't bother, saying she'd pass on the present to my MIL.

AIBU at being miffed that our siblings haven't bothered about this?

I never used to attach much importance to birthdays, but it has been different since I've had kids, and I always make an effort with family birthdays....

Or maybe I should just accept that it's not really important! AIBU?

[dreamingofsun]

watching with interest as my brother couldn't be bothered to send anything to his nephew and godson on his 18th. i don't bother with his birthday now either - my brothers that is

[redskyatnight]

You think nieces and nephews birthdays are important.
Your brother and sister don't.

None of you are right or wrong. Simply different priorities.

If your DC are geographically distant it's hard to feel connected to them - did your DC even notice the absence of cards from their aunt and uncle? I'm suspecting not.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

My dc's only started getting presents from my DB when he got married. Never really bothered me tbh. I think maybe because growing up we never received presents from aunts and uncles.

[minniemouse123]

My DC didn't notice the lack of cards etc. They will as the years go on, though.

And given the geographical difference, I think it's even more important to mark their birthdays.
I talk about my brother and sister daily, so that my DC know who they are. It's me that's offended, really.

[IamInvisible]

My brother and sister don't bother with my DSes either. My sister stopped bothering after I had bought her DD an 18th birthday present, then knitted loads of clothes and blankets for her DD's baby and bought her a £70 swing. I, also, looked after her 2 boys loads in the holidays and treated them to days out. She used to say to me that she'd put money in my bank for them for Christmas, then once I did it for her's she didn't bother.

My boys were 15&17 when she stopped bothering so old enough to make up their own mind, and they have.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

You think nieces and nephews birthdays are important.
Your brother and sister don't.

None of you are right or wrong. Simply different priorities.

If your DC are geographically distant it's hard to feel connected to them - did your DC even notice the absence of cards from their aunt and uncle? I'm suspecting not.

Yep, this. My DB doesn't have any DC but I grew up in a very large extended family, the amount of present buying for younger cousins was exhausting to watch my DM do. Espeically as these were children we only saw really at Christmas. Lovely kids, but... I'm not sure how to word the point I'm making so I guess I'll just say:

2 isn't a 'special' birthday, your DD isn't old enough to understand, there's a huge geographical gap between your siblings and you and this is just one of those things where some people think it's really important and put in lots of effort (which is lovely, as you did)

And others just don't see it as 'an occasion.' You got an apologetic call from your sister and a card from your mum. It's a week until Christmas -Not that DD can help when she's born!- So cash is most likely low.

I think your commitment is lovely but with the picture you sent last week, was it a pointed 'remember DD's birthday' to them? Just because you mention your DB still forgot and I'm not sure what you mean by her new outfit.

Your sister avoided you for two weeks after your DS's birthday last month (how old is he?) Did she think you'd start a row with her?

Maybe your family feel you put on a bit of pressure? Like I said, you've been a lovely aunt but your siblings aren't terrible aunts/uncles for not sending gifts a week before Christmas (no, it's not fair but it really does matter) Your sister called and your mother sent a card.

You're also miffed at your SIL who did get a present but didn't show on the day.

I mean this as gently as possible because I genuinely do think you've been very kindly to your DN, but it sounds like you're putting an aful lot of pressure on your family members for what to most people, isn't a 'special' birthday.

You got a call from your sister
A card from your mum
And a gift from your SIL. I think that's all lovely!

[MerryMarigold]

I don't think YABU. I would be hurt. I had a similar thread in AIBU last night about IL's. I think you should keep doing whatever makes you feel at peace with your nieces/ nephews and try not to let it get to you this year. Hopefully your dsis will remember this year. It's good she remembered, albeit a bit late. If you are close to your sister, you could ask if she'd appreciate a reminder a week or so in advance or if she's just not that into birthdays full stop. Or, you could just phone a week in advance and talk about all the stuff you are going to do to celebrate. It is a hard time of year round Christmas, but my niece's was the other day too.

[MerryMarigold]

I meant hopefully your dsis will remember next year.

[Bragadocia]

It's shame, but I get this with my sibling too. It's upsetting and it feels like your child doesn't matter to them. With us, there isn't an excuse of a big family and kids everywhere, as DS and DN are both onlies and each other's only cousins. DS has his birthday the day before my sister, but he still doesn't get remembered! I make sure a gift always gets to her daughter on time for Christmas and birthday, and I'm not going to stop doing that as it's about me and DN, not her mother, but it's a bugger all the same. My family are shit in all sorts of ways; thankfully, DH's aren't.

[minniemouse123]

Thanks, Special Agent!

[minniemouse123]

Thanks, Merry Marigold, and everyone - my sister makes a fuss over her DS's birthday and I get involved with all of that - I will keep up with remembering my DN's and just talk a bit more about my own kid's birthdays!

[SlimJiminy]

Nah. Don't worry about it. I have a few aunts and uncles. Some used to buy us birthday gifts and others didn't bother. It never mattered and we always got to open gifts on birthdays and at Christmas - plenty of kids in the world who have nothing an' all that...

[MerryMarigold]

it's about me and DN, not her mother

That's a really good way to put it. I feel exactly the same way about my niece.

[WingDefence]

My 'D'Bro has gone NC with me and my DPs since the start of this year (we don't know why - a whole other thread). I had a DD in March (already have a DS) and my Bro hasn't even acknowledged her birth :(

But still I sent his DCs birthday presents and cards this year (DNeice and DNephew) without any response from them or Bro.

I was wondering whether to send them Christmas presents, expecting nothing in return, and a friend of mine told me that the same thing happened with her cousins when she was younger. When her DCousins grew up, they did keep in contact with my friend's DPs and when the DPs both passed away, although the sibling concerned didn't attend the funerals, the DCousins did. My friend encouraged me to keep going for the sake of my DNs (just as Braga said above) and all I can do is hope and pray that they receive them and that when they are older they want to stay in touch with me and my family.

[Groovee]

I always acknowledged my nieces and nephews birthdays. Unfortunately none of my 3 siblings have ever acknowledged my 2's birthdays. I only acknowledge the 3 nieces who make an effort with their little cousins.

[ThurlHoHoHow]

YANBU. I have this and it hurts me too. DB is slowly blanking the whole family - DD hasn't had any cards, texts, emails, any recognition that she exists or that birthdays and Christmases occur for her as well as for their own DC. We're a family who has always given cards etc, so suddenly not sending them is a bit obvious.

I send cards to my DN's and texts to my DB on their birthdays but that's it now. Not that I ever get a text or email in reply thanking me for money or vouchers, which is just polite if you ask me.

However there is a significant portion of MN who feel that it's OTT to expect your immediate family to show any interest in your child, as your child is obviously only interesting to you and completely boring and irrelevant to everyone else, so will be interested to see how this thread goes.

[MillyStar]

People are so strange and it makes me so sad ;-(

I've got two big brothers and neither have even met my 19mo daughter, i got a card from one after i'd had her saying 'congratulations on the birth of your daughter; - didnt even put her name on and my mum had rang him to say she was here and what she was called etc

Arseholes

[WingDefence]

Thurl my family is the same - we always send cards to relatives even to our DCousins's DCs so it is v obvious when nothing is sent/received. That's just the way our family is.

OP could your DSis just be very disorganised? She seems to remember after the event so perhaps she just needs a little reminder (don't know how) a week or so before the date?

[minniemouse123]

Yes my DSis is a bit disorganised, and has got a lot on her plate, as has everyone I know. I'd never expect presents in any way - it's not worth spending money on DCs when they're so young.

I'd also never ever have a go at her, because if I told her that I was miffed in any way, she would respond defensively and that would ruin our relationship.

So I will just have to keep my mouth shut - hence posting on here! It has been very therapeutic!

[Ninasaurus]

Yabu

My siblings have never acknowledged dcs birthdays. They would if they were invited to a party I'm sure, but we don't live close.

The siblings we see at Christmas always give gifts.

I just see it as a result it's very busy life. Don't take it personally :)

[thebody]

my dh is one of 5 who all have children. we have 4. it's too much for us so we just do money at Christmas and that's stops when they are 18.

we are all too busy and it costs too much.

it's just stuff, doesn't mean I don't love my neices/nephews I do.

op can see why you are upset and personally I would wait for her kids birthdays and just send a card. when she queries it then say as she didn't buy for your kids then you assumed she wasn't bothered.

that's not mean it's being practical.