Bloody present giving shite

[nilbyname]

My brother has 3 kids, and he and his wife have an estranged relationship with her family. So the kids (10-15 age range) do not get any presents apart from them and my brothers side of the family. Ie me and my/our mum.

We are not spending Christmas Day together, but are meeting up a few days after. I have presents for them all and planned on giving them when I see them.

Tonight I get a phone call, brother is asking me to post the presents as his kids don't hAve much to open (this is bs, his kids have a mountain if stuff- probably a round £500 ech value).

My gifts are small (£20 value ish) but thoughtful. I want to given them in person, see them open to talk about it. Exchange gifts in person, surely this is what Christmas is all about!?!

I feel like I am being pulled into a drama that is not of my making and something my npbrotegr should be dealing with, and his kids are old enough to understand that they will have to wait?

So would IBU to tell him no I won't post them?

[Ruprekt]

Arent you too late to post now?

[Nanny0gg]

Tell him you can't risk them not getting there in time, so you'll be bringing them.

[Yama]

Don't send them. Beside your very good reason, what a hassle. You are too busy, no?

[phantomnamechanger]

YANBU apart from anything else , its an unnecessary expense! and may cost more than the gift itself!

I always decide carefully what to buy if I know I have to pay to post it too!

work out how much it will cost to post them all and ask him if he will be paying?

[Annunziata]

YANBU, he is being so rude!

[Justforlaughs]

I'm a bit on the fence. I do like my DCs to have their presents on the day - but they don't get much to open. I wouldn't however expect anyone to post a present if they were going to be seeing them in the near future.

[BrickorCleat]

They are Christmas presents so isn't the point more for you DNs to have presents to open on the day rather than your seeing them opening them and 'talking' about it

It seems a shame to make them wait until several days after Christmas.

[olibeansmummy]

This is weird, there is almost the exact opposite post in Chat, but involving a mil. The consensus is that she IBU, therefore YANBU. I'm sure they can wait a few days.

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

'sorry, won't get a chance to post them in time - besides I really enjoy seeing them open them, so I'd rather wait until we see them'

[nilbyname]

brick that's interesting, it's more about me seeing them
Opening the stuff and opening it and having a cant about it. If I wasn't going to see them then I would post as I usually do.

But I take your point that the kids themselves might not want to wait. I think doing presents in person and spreading the whole thing out is nice.

[Financeprincess]

I don't see why the kids shouldn't wait a few days. Your brother is being unreasonable. What is it with people who think that everybody must dance to the tune of their over indulged children?

[SoftSheen]

I recently posted gifts to my four nieces (2 addresses within the UK). Despite the fact that the gifts were lightweight and that I sent them second class, the cost of postage and packing boxes came to £18. So the cost is definitely something to bear in mind, particularly if the gifts are large or heavy.

Also, I would have thought that at age 10-15 children are plenty old enough to understand that their gifts will be coming later.

[JourneyThroughLife]

Don't send them. Your brother's problem isn't yours, you've specially chosen presents and want to give them in person, stick to that.
Besides which, they could get damaged/lost in the post and it's a bit late anyway for sending.
And why shouldn't you have the chance to see the children open their presents anyway?

[BigfingersInTheBrandyCream]

We have a newish rule that we want the DCs to only get presents on the day, birthday or Xmas, because we have quite a big family and over the years lots of relatives have given them things spread out over the year, which seems to us to have diluted the kids' excitement about getting presents, and they come across a bit spoilt.

However, we have explained this to everyone... but it's possible they have their own reason which may be different to what you think? Perhaps they feel they want their kids to just have things from other family to open on the day? They are old enough to understand a reason to wait.

I would ask them why, since it will cost you to post and it might be too late.

[nilbyname]

Ok so I think I'm going to ring him tomorrow and say I don't want to risk the post.

Wish me luck!

[nilbyname]

Big- the reason is that they are estranged from sils family so have presents to open from that side.

Tbh, I feel like presents should never be expected and should be received with thanks. Only. Never mind if they are late or small or anything else.

[nilbyname]

Have NO presents to open from that side-sorry!

[Howstricks]

Luck! My kids love the fact that they are forunate enough to get presents in the days that follow Christmas from visiting relatives/friends. It gives them a chance to appreciate the gift rather than a free for all and say thanks in person. I think yanbu...and what does it matter if there isn't a big pile to open on the day?

[RandomMess]

They are aged 10-15, they are not little kids. They can wait and then you can enjoy the gift unwrapping with them!

[HavantGuard]

I don't understand this needing to be there when the presents are opened. Christmas presents get opened on Christmas Day.

If you give a birthday present early do you expect it to be opened right away in front of you?

[damnitchloe]

I love giving presets - definitely one of my love languages. I take so much pleasure from watching someone open a gift I have chosen for them so you are definitely NOT being unreasonable wanting to give them to them in person. We spend alternate Christmases with my family & my inlaws. We exchange gifts with the people we're with on Christmas Day & with the other half of the family when we see them a few days after Christmas - children included. I actually think we all appreciate presents more if we don't open them all in the same day.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes]

I think it's up to the giver to be honest, we have the opposite, both families insist on everything being given on the day and as there are quite a lot of BILs and families that means an awful lot of stuff and it all just ends up opened but barely looked at. I would much rather spread it over a few days I think the DCs would appreciate everything a lot more that way but can't as PILs ring up by lunchtime on Christmas Day to see if they like it all and we have my family over and obviously have to open all their gifts there and then too.

However, I never try and suggest otherwise because I think that would be rude to people who have spent time and effort buying gifts for my DCs.

[Chocolateteabag]

When I was little I loved getting presents after "the big day" it felt like Christmas was extended that little bit more. Even now I try my best not to open many presents on the actual day and open them as late as I can.

OP stick to your guns.

[Snowbility]

I think if you are giving a gift it should be on your terms. Fed up with adults throwing tantrums over their kids gifts - spoilt much?

[MrsMook]

I frequently had a second Christmas on Boxing Day visiting family. It's much nicer giving when you can see the reaction, and I enjoyed having the fun of present opening being spread out.