to not want to be locked in?

[abigboydidit]

Okay. I have been having the same bloody argument with DH about this for 6 years a while now, so am putting it to the MN jury. I will begrudgingly accept if I am BU.

Our house has 2 doors - a front door and a back door. I should take this moment to highlight that at no time is the front door locked in a way that means I can't open it. This is the basis for DHs argument.

The front door leads to a gravel path and a wee gate and then to, well, nowhere. We live in the countryside so our road is a busy 60mph one and not one you would choose to walk on. The back door is the only door we actually use. It leads to our garden and the driveway and our bins. It has a mortice lock and 2 deadbolts.

DH locks both deadbolts whenever he is in the house. Because of a combination of the height, the stiffness of the lock and a pelvic floor injury I cannot open the top deadbolt. This means if I want to get out of my own house, I have to ask DH to open the door for me. He works from home and does not relish interruptions, so if he is in the middle of a task or a phone call or on the loo, this can mean waiting anything upwards of 15 minutes. I can, of course use the front door but this would mean leaving 2.5 year DS and 10 month old DD alone for the time it would take me to get out, walk up the pathway, along the main road, down the driveway, to the bins or wherever and back again.

DS has a habit of opening doors & can operate the bottom deadlock, so I accept that the door must be left secure but I say that we should use the mortice. DH disagrees &says that is a faff. It is also locked this way overnight.

AIBU?

A final point (though a bit soppy). Were it not for my pelvic organ prolapse post DD, I may have been able to open the top deadbolt, although it would probably take a couple of go's and would be a struggle. However, every time I try to do it when growing impatient for DH to open it it serves as a reminder of the fact my bits are wrecked following DDs birth and that I should have picked an ELCS and not a VBAC

[Cluffyflump]

Yadnbu!
Selfish Dh.

[WorraLiberty]

Have you tried oiling it?

It shouldn't be that hard to undo.

[KittensoftPuppydog]

You are right.

[Sirzy]

I think you need to consider changing the locks to ones you can easily open tbh doesn't sound very safe having an exit you can't use.

[Arion]

He is making life difficult for you. If it would be secure from DS with the mortice lock then you should use that, so both adults are able to use the door. Would he like it if you locked the door and kept the key on you, so he had to ask to open it, and wait for you to feel like it?

[RandomMess]

It needs sorting so you can open the door yourself. If it's child proof and they can't open it then that is sufficient so your dh is BU.

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

Sorry about your birth injuries. There is a thread about that if you need some support.

Secondly, I work with fire fighters and they are completely obsessed with two points of egress. Available at all times. What if there was a fire at night and it was by the front door?

[CynicalandSmug]

What if there is a fire? Or any other emergency situations?

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

Prolapse thread.

[NoComet]

The answer is called a stool and a screw driver.

Climb up and remove bolt.

Men honestly do not realise how infuriating things like this are.

I eventually broke the kitchen fire alarm jumping up and prodding it with the longest wooden spoon, DH just strolled in and tapped the button.

We now have a proper kitchen one that doesn't go off every other day and terrify DD2

[ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch]

My name is Exit. You need to be able up Exit your house comfortably.

YANBU

[newfavouritething]

Can you get a small step? And surely if he works from home the kids aren't left alone if he works from home? Might help, but I would hate to be locked in the house - you need to change something somehow. YANBU, it's not a nice way to live, he is BU.

[abigboydidit]

Thank you. I am on the prolapse thread! I think if you are over 6 foot then the bolt would be easy(ish!) but it is an old barn door, so you have to push the door and slide at the same time and for some reason that combination just kills my pelvic floor. The front door is also double deadbolted, which is a thread for another night as I fear fire fighters would struggle to get through either.

Good point re locking the mortice and keeping the key Arion. Think I may try that tomorrow. Or is that childish?

[CeliaFate]

This has nothing to do with locks, it's about control.
Your dh needs to realise that you are unhappy about your opinion being ignored. There's no need for the top lock to be bolted.
Yadnbu.

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

There is a basic issue if you ignore pain, injury and fires... He says the thing that will cost him time and effort is 'faff'. Something that costs you time and effort (and pain) is not faff, because it's you. That would piss me off.

[ZacharyQuack]

YANBU

Either call a locksmith to replace the lock to one that you can reach and open yourself. This will satisfy your DH's requirements for child proofing and security and your requirement to actually be able to leave your house without assistance whenever you need to.

Or if DH is going to be a dick about the locksmith, outdick him by getting a very loud whistle to blow every time you need him to open the door. You will need to get out this door every time DH answers the phone or goes to the loo.

[abigboydidit]

I just snorted tea out of my nose at the whistle idea Zachary! On a serious note though, it is mortifying. Our postman puts our letters through the front door (letterbox) but knocks the back door for parcels etc. DH was in the shower the other day when he knocked & I couldn't open it. The postie sounded quite concerned, so in the end I had to bundle up DD and DSon each hip (great for the prolapse!), run up the drive, down the road, down the driveway and to the back door to get the stuff and reassure him I wasn't being held captive against my will

[DeepThought]

well to be fair the postie does have a point

there is definitely an element of control in this

[abigboydidit]

I totally had expected to be told IWBU thanks to DH

I have no idea how to get anything to change though

[NoComet]

Just remove the damn thing.

He won't get why it annoys you so much, because it's no problem to him.

You can have a massive row, he'll remember not to lock it for two days max

[ExcuseTypos]

You need to grow some balls my dear.

I'd call a locksmith tomorrow and get something organised that you are able to open. It's absolutely ridiculous that a grown women can't open her own front door.

Alternatively every time he's taking a work phonecall, I'd walk in his room and ask him loudly to open the door for you. I expect he'll soon get fed up of that.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

OP this is actually very disturbing to read. Your DH is being totally, totally unreasonable.

Remove the lock or call a locksmith, seriously.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Get a screwdriver and unscrew the bolt and remove it.

[Hassled]

How you change things is to sort it out yourself. Get someone in to remove the top deadbolt. No discussion - just get it done. Why not? It's not like he hasn't had things his way for a while.

Or get a fireman round (they do do this sort of thing) to review fire safety etc and point out the bleeding obvious. It's a fire risk, it's dangerous, it's controlley and the fact this has gone of for 6 years is just awful.

[ExcuseTypos]

I hate to ask but does he ignore your opinions about other important things?