Middle class angst alert!
I should start by saying I have a lovely life and a lot to be grateful for. I've been with my DH for 13 years, married for 4, we have struggled for many years to create the life we wanted and now in many ways we are living the dream. He has his dream job, we have just bought a beautiful home, one fabulous dd and another child on the way.
My DH is a wonderful husband, he treats me beautifully, helps a lot with our daughter and around the house and despite the fact he is now the only wage earner, he lets me wear the trousers in most aspects of our life including complete financial control.
I love him dearly and know I'm lucky to have him.
But
I'm mean to him... And I don't even know why. I'm sulky and quiet, I seem to take everything he says the worst way. My mind finds a way to make myself the victim in any situation. Eg. Yesterday dd was having a tantrum over dinner and he stepped in and calmed her down and then bathed her and put her to bed even though he'd had a terribly early start at work. Somehow I took this as an insult to my parenting and then got annoyed because it took him ages to get her bathed and so our dinner was 'spoiled' (it was fine).
Why? Why? Why? Why can't I just say gracious thank you and compliment his parenting skills as I should've. I'm not an insecure person, I'm confident and strong.
We have had quite a shift in our roles. I supported him for nearly 5 years while he retrained for this job and then we moved abroad for his dream job meaning I gave up my job and am now a SAHM. So I used to be the sole breadwinner and now he is but as I said he still leaves it to me to run our lives. Our life now is immeasurably better but I do miss having a job and my world can be very 'small' these days. He is at home with us a lot of the time because of shift patterns.
I should also add I have tried to talk to him about it although I don't think I've accurately represented to him what goes on in my head. He doesn't seem to recognise the behaviour I describe and just reassures me that I'm a wonderful wife and mother and that parenthood is tiring and I need to rest more and take more time for myself. Which is kind and probably true. I think a lot of my frustration happens in my head and all he see's is that I'm quiet and short tempered and assumes I'm tired. Plus, I suspect he likes that I'm quite feisty and he would hate it if I was the stepford wife full of false smiles and enthusiasm.
Finally I'm not always like this, sometimes I can see things quite rationally and enjoy his company (or not) normally. I know I sound pathetic, spoilt and brattish. I should pull my socks up count my blessing and treat my DH with the love and respect he deserves. I have tried, really.
Most worryingly I recognise my behaviour from my Dad. He, like me, only behaves that way with certain people and to everyone else he is sweetness and light .(he was always wonderful to my sister and I) It drove me crazy growing up and now I'm doing the same thing.
I know it's a trifle compared to other problems but I've seen my Dad destroy relationships needlessly and painfully because of this and I don't want to do the same thing.
Any idea as to what my problem is and what I can do about it would be gratefully received.
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I know I am unreasonable... But why???!!!
41 replies
readyornot2011 · 10/12/2013 09:56
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