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To wish that DH would wear his hearing aids?

(34 Posts)
Sightoabloodyscream Sun 08-Dec-13 20:35:51

I've NC because everyone I know knows how pissed off I am about this.

Dh has struggled to hear ever since we met, but it was only after it looked like our son may have hearing difficulties that we were both tested.

I appear to have the hearing of a particularly large-eared bat; Dh has the hearing of an 80 year old.

You can see the problem.

"Stop muttering."
"I'm not."

"Sigh, sigh, sigh. Fucking hell, I've asked you (insert question) five times!"
"I answered. Five times." etc, etc.

Anyway. Eventually, dh got hearing aids and I thought all would be right with the world: he would be able to hear me; the tv could be a reasonable volume; I wouldn't always be the first to hear the kids; the neighbours wouldn't have to hear every detail of our conversation; I wouldn't have to say the same thing over and over again.

But does he wear them? Does he fuck. Sorry, yes he does - to watch Game of Thrones and Walking dead. Oh, and Homeland because apparently they mumble on that too.

So am I being unreasonable?

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 20:39:59

YANBU. DS2 wears hearing aids and it drives me nuts when he doesn't wear them and I end up repeating myself a million times!
Saying that though I do know they can be a bit uncomfortable and pick up lots of background noise so he's not BU either. <helpful>.

DS2 (10) has just had some super duper bone anchored hearing aids fitted and is much happier with them.

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 08-Dec-13 20:53:56

I think yabu. You can make an effort to talk directly to him facing him. My Dad has appalling hearing as do I. I hate being treated as an inconvenience. Hearing aids help but they magnify frequencies that can sound uncomfortable, if that makes sense. They take some getting used to.

pukkapine Sun 08-Dec-13 20:57:54

how long has he had them? it takes a while to adjust - it's not just a case that hearing aids 'turn the volume up' - the sound is different and the brain needs training. It's tiring and hard work to get used to... and that's before you add in any vanity issues etc...

Ha! I know this one.

DH has only 30% hearing and wears aids. His first ones were uncomfortable, raised the noise level but not the clarity and werte pre programmed to what the technician thought was a reasonable level which was far too high for DH.

He didn't wear them!

His new ones were done by the senior audiologist who has knowledge of complex hearing loss and tinnitus. The difference is amazing. He has worn them regularly but not all the time as they are quite uncomfortable after an hour or so...Think of a bra that isn't quite right and the utter relief when you take it off.

Encourage him to go back to the audiologist to see if there is an aid which is more suitable to his needs.

You are not being unreasonable. It's exhausting and frustrating trying to have a reasonable level of communication with someone with hearing difficulties. It also removes the spontenaity from conversation...a witty comment loses all it's wit when it has to be repeated three times!

Best of luck!

MyCatHasStaff Sun 08-Dec-13 20:58:21

YAdefNBU. Dh has hearing aids but has decided they don't help. Oh yes they do!!! I always know when he's not wearing them, and he knows I know, but still maintains there's no difference. My own hearing is not great so I do sympathise, but ffs, just wear them. Rant over.

trulymadlyme Sun 08-Dec-13 20:59:57

Hi, I have mild-mederate hearing loss and have worn aids for 10 years. I wear them 75% of the time but they are quite uncomfortable. My ears feel full, they make my ears hot and itchy, they amplify all sounds but not always in a natural way. It's quite hard to describe but it is quite tiring wearing them. The first thing I do when I get home is take them out. My family just have to speak slightly louder and make sure I can see them. It's not much to ask and it makes all our lives easier.

coppertop Sun 08-Dec-13 21:01:07

He's right about the mumbling on Homeland, but subtitles are better than having the volume high.

Sightoabloodyscream Sun 08-Dec-13 21:03:06

THe trouble is, DH doesn't appear to think he has got a problem - he'll shout to me when I'm upstairs, then wonder why he can't hear me. I will rupture something one day, from shouting so fucking loud, then just lie there, bleeding to death, while he mutters to hikmself about me being rude and not listening to him.

He's meant to go to the audiologist again soon, but he's ignoring their letters. I'm tempted to take him. He's had a year, but wears them about an hour a week. He's just said he wear them in work, for meetings. I infer that we're just not important enough to bother making the effort for.

KepekCrumbs Sun 08-Dec-13 21:04:18

They take a long time to get used to. They feel alien andyou not just hear every noise you didn't before, but your brain, used to proceasing everything of the little you hear, goes into overdrive.

All the unnecessary noises people with normal hearing have leant to filter out, your brain screams into turbo drive to make sense of... it's truly horrible at the start. It can take years to learn to live with them and it's bliss to rip them out at the end of the day.

Plus you get terrified that you'll lose all your hearing strategies, lip reading skills and the ability to work out what peple are saying from context and the little you do hear.

But ultimately you must wear them or lose the ability completely to hear certain tones as the bits of your brains which process them kind of atrophy with no use at all. Then it's too late, with or without aids.

I really sympathise with him. And also the poor partners of hard of hearing people, including mine, who has to repeat things rather too much.

SauvignonBlanche Sun 08-Dec-13 21:08:50

YABU, it's very naive to imagine that hearing aids make you not deaf - they don't!
It gets on my tits when DH doesn't wear his and I'm bawling but as I'm deaf myself I understand how you need a rest from the noise of the amplification of hearing aids, especially at home, I take mine off as I leave work. blush
Your ears can get sore from them too.

It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed by your DH (who doesn't find their own annoying?) but try to be a bit more understanding, hearing aids do not feel normal. Says the woman who shouted "you deaf bastard" at her DH this morning.

KepekCrumbs Sun 08-Dec-13 21:09:42

And yes yes to the way they make your ears feel full. And your own voice sounds kind of internal, like when you speak with your fingers in your ears.

KungFuBustle Sun 08-Dec-13 21:11:17

I understand they're not a magic cure, but YANBU as he's being very rude. I personally wouldn't mind making an effort to be clear, I would mind being grumped at about something I can't help any more than the person grumping.

RiceBurner Sun 08-Dec-13 21:11:50


Tell ur DH that if he wants to keep what hearing he still has (because we all lose it with age and he has less than average) he needs to wear the HAs as much as possible. Otherwise the neurons (or something like that) won't get stimulated enough .... and will die. (True I believe.) So it's not just that he should wear them for YOU. (It' sto protect the hearing he still has for later on.)

I have a hearing impaired DH, so I have some experience. He's pretty deaf now, (as his hearing has got a lot worse over the yrs), & has to wear his 2 HAs all the time, except when sleeping. (Or swimming!) He is very good at doing so. (But still gets frustarted with his poor hearing at times ... of course.)

My MIL, on the other hand, never wanted to wear her HAs. (DH's hearing problem passed down from her.) And was very annoying to her DH as she couldnt hear and wouldnt wear them unless she was going out!

But, to be fair to her, HAs are a lot better now than they were when she 1st had them, say 40 yrs ago. (They were quite rubbish before.)

She's still not very good with them, (ie her HAs), but she does try a lot harder now, for sake of grandchildren. (To be able to hear what they say.) And she's less vain with age, tho they are well hidden under her hair which is easier for females than males.

Hope your DH has got "good" digital HAs ie which fit and work properly? (Otherwise he might have a reason for not wanting to use them ie if they hurt him or if they don't function well?)

But, (assuming the HAs work and don't hurt), please tell him to "use them or he will lose his hearing faster" which might frighten him into wearing the HAs more often?

He really needs to use ALL THE TIME.

Our son has also had (very bad) hearing from an earlier age than his dad, but (like most kids) he adapted to the situation far quicker and more easily than an adult. And his (uncomplaining/no hint of self-pity) example had a very good effect on both his father and his grandmother, as surely if he (a little boy) was happy(ish) to wear his HAs all the time, they should be too? (So they did.)

Good luck with convincing your DH to wear his HAs more often. It can be annoying to live with a person with poor hearing, (I know), so he needs to help you as much as he can, as he will need your good will, your help and your patience/understanding!

purple15 Sun 08-Dec-13 21:15:09

Please can you tell me more about the bone anchored hearing aid.

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:16:38

I'm deaf myself- always have been.

If he isn't wearing them very often- he won't get used to them. Everytime I receive a new one (I have to wear mine all the time apart from nighttime), it takes a good 3 or 4 days to get adjusted to them. Its horrendous- everything is off kilter, but once adjusted- he'll never look back. He may also be in denial about his hearing problems. I hope you have a bit of success convincing him. biscuit

Ilovewaleswhenitrains Sun 08-Dec-13 21:17:24

I have a hearing aid (I need two, but don't want two). I only wear it for work as I really don't like using it. It feels horrible in my ear. People who don't need hearing aids can't understand how it feels. But I sympathise with them.

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 08-Dec-13 21:19:23

I don't think not wearing hearing aids has anything to do with vanity and everything to do with feeling as though you can manage without them.

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:22:27

purple I wear a bone anchored hearing aid. A tiny pin is fixed on a screw anchored into a point in your skull behind your ear- imagine a plug and a plug socket- the pin is a socket, the hearing aid is the socket. The sound picked up from the hearing aid is then transmitted through the pin and vibrates on the bone- therefore, you hear the sound. Primarily suited to people with conductive and unilateral hearing losses- or people without ears.

Bone anchored hearing aids

ChrisMooseMickey Sun 08-Dec-13 21:23:01

the hearing aid is the plug, sorry!

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 21:24:21

I can honestly say that DS' bone anchored hearing aids (BAHA's) have changed his & our lives.

He had to have two operations, the first to insert a screw into his skull behind the ears. Three months later, once the wound had healed he had the second op to secure the abutment. Now, he gets up clips the aid on to the abutment & off he goes. Nothing in his ears, no hair or skin or knackered ear canals for the sound to travel through.

He's had a permanent ear infection for probably two years of varying degrees & (touch everything wood!) it seems to have gone grin. Mostly because he doesn't have sweaty moulds in his ears.

They also don't bloody whistle. A relief for him & us! smile

TooOldForGlitter Sun 08-Dec-13 21:27:46

YANBU. My Dad has awful hearing, some age related but mainly he damaged his ears in his yoof playing Staus Quo at window shattering levels through headphones. He is now 71 and won't wear his HA's because they make him ''look old''. He can barely hear any conversations but hearing aids hmm.

GobbySadcase Sun 08-Dec-13 21:28:47

It's bloody fab when the kids are screeching to just pop them out though grin

(Been wearing mine since I was 5)

StillSlightlyCrumpled Sun 08-Dec-13 21:29:01

Should have added DS wears two BAHA's, & has a conductive & sensorineural hearing loss.

purple15 Sun 08-Dec-13 21:36:25

I am glad about all the good reports about the Baha. I am due to have my surgery on the 10th of Jan.
I had a brain tumour and so am completely deaf in my right ear. Last night I went for a meal ( 27 people) in a very busy restaurant. Sitting next to people I hadn't met before. Embarassing there are only so many times you can ask to repeat. I am hoping the Baha will at least let me know when people are talking.

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