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to think saying "she wants the D" is disgusting?

(63 Posts)
oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 13:56:32

Especially when said by a cocky arrogant man.

It's just so demeaning. Or am I just a prude?

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:12:04

Did he say that on work premises?

Yes, in front of at least two of my work colleagues.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:13:04

Should I say something to him or just ignore it?

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 14:13:57

It is harassment you shouldnt have to put up with feeling uncomfortable at work, the guy sounds like he has a little D but a huge ego

DameFanny Sun 08-Dec-13 14:14:46

Report him for sexual harassment. He's an utter D and deserves it.

tinypumpkin Sun 08-Dec-13 14:15:31

That is so unprofessional not to mention rude and plain mysognistic (sp)! I would want to do something about that. Not sure whether HR /boss would be the best bet or to mention it to him directly.

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:29

i said to say something sarky to him i have changed my mind he might think you are flirting hmm
what did the other people say to him

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:39

Revolting. And probably sexual harassment as well.

Did he say this in a work situation? And that includes after work socialising if it was all with colleagues.

Did he say it in front of someone you can rely on to be accurate, truthful and to back you up ?

If so I'd book an appointment with your HR officer.

softlysoftly Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:44

Straight to HR if I were you!

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:11

It certainly sound like he is a D.

TalkativeJim Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:30

Next time he says it answer, 'What, you mean she wants your diddly dinky dingleberry? How sweet!'

That should shut him up.

Gripewater Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:51

Don't say it to him just complain to HR.

How is he going about saying it? As a joke and why is he telling people this? I hate stupid little boys like this. He'll probably try and make out it was a joke and all just a bit of banter but don't let him. If it makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to complain.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:19:19

Sorry, posted before I saw your later posts. This is a matter which should be reported to HR.

gobbin Sun 08-Dec-13 14:20:49

"I gather you've been making references behind my back that I want the D. Just for your info, I wouldn't want YOUR D even if it was the size of an elephant's and gold-plated because you are a twat. See, I have the balls to say it to your face. Good afternoon."

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:21:36

We used to send chatty emails now and again, and it's a small office and people gossip so I think the rumour went around that I liked him - which I did at the time.

Never said anything inappropriate in any email, it was just general chit chat and getting to know him. I knew he had broken up with someone about 4 months before that and then heard he was back with his girlfriend so pretty much forgot about it, and just gave a general "hi" if we happened to walk by each other at work.

Last time we spoke would have been October (ish) and then I find out he's now been saying -

"I have a girlfriend, and don't have time for that. She just really wants the D"

No. I wanted to get to know him and be friends, and if it took off from there great and if not - so what. When I heard he had a girlfriend I thought it was inappropriate because of the gossip.

farrowandbawlbauls Sun 08-Dec-13 14:22:32

Anyone who says that IS a D.

monicalewinski Sun 08-Dec-13 14:22:43

Depends on your working environment tbh.

Mine has always been v male and overrun with ridiculous statements like that. Where I work is very informal/non office - mostly in a t-bar situation when we're not out actually working, so all the banter occurs in the 'crewroom'.

My reply has always been along the lines of "I clearly don't need the fucking cock as everyone knows I've got the biggest cock and bollocks on the lecky desk - why would I want his tadger too??" (usually done at volume and with an adoring audience, with the wanker in earshot).

Obviously this would not be an appropriate retort in an office type setting, and it is entirely up to you how offended you are/what action you will take - but tbh if you don't address it it carries on in an insidious way and by remaining silent you are giving the 'ok' for this sort of thing to be said about you.

It's rubbish and unfair, and it annoys me that in this day and age we still have to deal with wankers like that. (I am ranting, sorry!!). Either way, he's a penis.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 08-Dec-13 14:23:32

Are your colleagues likely to tell the truth if asked by HRor are they the type to close ranks? If the latter I would probably try to deal with it informally to start off with - warn him off in the presence of others and say any more of this will be reported to HR. Then make a note of all you know about when and to who he made the original comments and your warning conversation with him. Then you have a record to use later with HR if you have to.

If your colleagues are likely to tell the truth then I'd be more inclined to skip the warning and teport straight away.

monicalewinski Sun 08-Dec-13 14:25:43

Sorry, xpost - just seen you work in an office. I do think it needs to be nipped in the bud and it's up to you how formal/informal you make it - absolutely don't ignore it though because it will continue if you do.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:29:20

I'd be wary of tackling it informality. Unless OP , can be very , cool, calm and rational it has potential of.going wrong; especially as he is clearly an idiot. The last thing she wants or needs is any slanging match or name calling which could give him an inch of wriggle room.

Go straight to HR and tell them this has come to your attention and you find it upsetting, embarrassing and will make it difficult for you to work alongside this person.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:30:30


BabyMummy29 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:33:09

If I knew what she wants the D meant, I might be able to comment!

squeakytoy Sun 08-Dec-13 14:36:02

I would just reply, "if I wanted it, I wouldnt be looking at you"... I cant be doing with all this talk of racing off to HR at the slightest bit of a comment that can easily be deflected and turned back on the gobshite who makes it..

However in this instance it is hearsay.. you dont even know that he HAS said it.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:37:00

I think I might try it informally first - maybe send an email?


Basically it's quite a small place we work in and so obviously I've heard the things you've been saying about me - such as I really want the D, etc.

To be honest I find it very unprofessional and extremely crude and misogynistic. I haven't spoken to you in 2 months and can reassure you categorically that I do not want the D.

FrostedButts Sun 08-Dec-13 14:41:28

Shame I can't post pics on AIBU. this was scrawled on the wall of a pub I was in once. Promptly amended to D...estruction of the patriarchy

FrostedButts Sun 08-Dec-13 14:44:05

Oh god just read the actual thread. This guy is an utter stain, no? Turn him into a running joke, or just inform your manager.

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