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To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

(324 Posts)
KarenOfArc64 Wed 04-Dec-13 19:32:47

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

bundaberg Wed 04-Dec-13 19:39:57

no yanbu. if another mother can complain then you can too! i would go in and say exactly what you have said here. if it had been this way from the get-go, no problem. but not ok to give her a main part and then take it away, that's just mean

meditrina Wed 04-Dec-13 19:40:33

It's unbelievably mean!

If they needed to do something for the other pupil, they should have created a new part, or split bits of a coupe of the other parts.

Nobody should have been demoted from part to choir.

How is your DD?

offblackeggshell Wed 04-Dec-13 19:41:43

If that's the whole story, it is very mean. YANBU.

LindyHemming Wed 04-Dec-13 19:46:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarenOfArc64 Wed 04-Dec-13 19:53:32

Dd is very upset about it- my sister is going to be visiting from abroad and she was all excited about her aunt getting to watch her sad it's unfortunate that we've had a few incidents with this teacher this term which are making DD think it's something personal, she thinks her teacher doesn't like her. My issue is that you can't tell a 6 year old they have a main role and then take it away through no fault of their own.

thebody Wed 04-Dec-13 19:56:31

if this is the whole story it's bad. go in and see the teacher and/or the head.

just be a tad careful though in case it's a mix up.

KarenOfArc64 Wed 04-Dec-13 20:00:07

It's definitely the whole story- Dh picked the Dcs up today and Dd's teacher explained that Dd was upset over it. I think he was a bit taken aback and it's tight to get Dd to an after school activity on Wednesdays so he didn't complain. He now wishes he had!

WooWooOwl Wed 04-Dec-13 20:00:39


You need to go into school and clarify the situation, then go ballistic if needs be. I'd go straight to the head with this one, and normally I would always advise it's best to talk to the class teacher first.

BackforGood Wed 04-Dec-13 20:02:03

If this is the whole version, then of course it's not on, and I would expect you, as her parent to go and query it, and get her reinstated. I would be very surprised if it is the whole story though. Go and talk to the school.

ProphetOfDoom Wed 04-Dec-13 20:03:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lambzig Wed 04-Dec-13 20:03:42

That's horrible. Your poor DD. Not acceptable at all. Clearly you need to be one of the parents who kicks up a fuss if that gets responded to by the staff.

KarenOfArc64 Wed 04-Dec-13 20:14:50

This is on top of getting her name wrong still after having her since September and making her sit by herself on a school trip, Among other things. It seems ludicrous, we could have a situation in which a complete musical chairs of parts happens because everyone's parents complain grin

missshallot Wed 04-Dec-13 20:19:59

What would they do if everyone complained because their DC didn't have a part? Demote everyone?

YANBU - it is not fair to promise a part to a child & then take it away because someone's mother kicks up a fuss acts like a spoilt brat-

MerryChristmasMollyHooper Wed 04-Dec-13 23:05:50

In DS1's school there are two shows with the Nativity, one for the whole school and one for the parents.

You could ask the teacher to split the role between them if it's the same there?

I wouldn't be happy with this at all but as the other girl has now been told she has the part it would also be unfair to her now.

Not sure what the teacher was thinking with this one. Very wrong IMO.

RightInTheKisser Wed 04-Dec-13 23:08:53

That's disgraceful. You need to go and explain to the teacher that you do not agree with her decision and she needs to find another way of fitting in the other child if she really must.

ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus Wed 04-Dec-13 23:15:05


I'd be incredibly annoyed too, it's totally the wrong way for it to have been handled.

Lilacroses Wed 04-Dec-13 23:32:44

How awful. I'm in the middle of rehearsing my Christmas play with little ones at the moment and it actually makes me feel really upset to think about a teacher treating a child like that. Absolutely you need to say something. That is NOT the way things ought to be done. If they were that worried about giving the other girl a part they could have written one for her. I do that all the time, it takes about 10 mins. I've done it at a days notice before now (child has been poorly for a couple of weeks and then come back right before the show) and it's worked out fine. Let us know how you get on.

SomethingkindaOod Thu 05-Dec-13 08:13:02

It sounds like our DD's are very similar. I bet your Dd just gets on with things and doesn't cause a fuss doesn't she? There are some teachers (I said some, meaning a tiny portion, by no means all) who take advantage of the good nature of certain children and assume that 'they won't mind'.
The teacher is being massively U, pulling her part would be unkind enough but doing it this late in the day is ridiculous and thoughtless, I'm not generally one to make a fuss over nativity plays but your poor DD, it's not surprising she's upset.

Justforlaughs Thu 05-Dec-13 08:18:47

I would be going in to see the head teacher this morning and making an official complain about this teachers general behaviour to your DD and a specific complaint about this incident which I would want rectified immediately. If the head teacher is not prepared to act, I would genuinely be looking for a different school and taking the matter further. i have seen the damage that a teacher who "doesn't like" a particular student can do, and from your posts it seems that this is NOT an isolated incident. Good luck OP.

DrankSangriaInThePark Thu 05-Dec-13 08:23:08

I was on another nativity thread where the mother was being completely U.

You are not being U at all, and that is an awful way for the teacher to have dealt with PFB other mum. I presume the other child had a minor part/choir part or something herself?

Do go in and complain, loudly, and we'll rattle our jingle bells behind you in support! Poor dd.

IamInvisible Thu 05-Dec-13 08:29:58

I would be going to see the HT.

They did this to my friend's DD when she was in Yr4. The school refused to back down so I pulled DS2, who was in Yr6 and had quite a big part, from the play too. He wasn't overly bothered about being in it, anyway. I was disgusted at what how they did, saw how upset she was and so wanted nothing to do with the play.

MimiSunshine Thu 05-Dec-13 08:34:17

Absolutely go in. Not all guns blazing at first, just at DH was a bit surprised by the news on DDs part had to rush off last night so couldn't query it.
But did you mean she no longer had the part at all or that she was now sharing the part (at that age is there even more than one show?)
Wait for her response, if the latter then say ok well her aunts is flying in so we'd like DD to be in the one on X date.

If the former, calmly ask how can she be that mean to DD, say DD was very upset and thinks it personal so you would like the situation rectifying immediately.

intitgrand Thu 05-Dec-13 08:39:18

i don't think the other mum is being pfb.Your dd has had a part 2 years and her dd has had a part she has a point

However the way the school has handled it is appalling they ought to have split a part or written one.

Justforlaughs Thu 05-Dec-13 08:46:09

Please don;t just let this go without saying anything OP. WHether that is to the or the head, speak out. Even more so if it isn't a one off. Let us know how you get on. [ice-cream emoticon for DD]

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