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To want to strangle my sister in law??

(104 Posts)
HankEpankie Tue 03-Dec-13 15:15:41

Apologies for the rant.... But

Everytime she see my ds, even for a short visit she brings some sort of gift. I have tried everything from asking her to limit it to special occasions, to dropping hints about not wanting him to be spoilt to downright refusing to accept stuff but she NEVER LISTENS.

Her kids are so spoilt it's embarrasing and I dont want my child turning out rude and materialistic like hers. I don't really agree with the way she raises her kids but it's her right to do what she wants for her kids, as it is my right to make desicions about my child.

We have never really got on and I feel like this is her partly trying to wind me up which infuriates me because my child is being used in her silly games. It's not that I don't appreciate the gesture but all this gift giving no longer seems genuine, just a ploy to piss me off. Now she has taken to comin over to visit and then waiting till I'm out the room and pulling out the latest gift and giving it directly to ds so I can't really take it off him without being the bad guy. And she does it with a smirk on her face angry.

Another thing she does is constantly trying to undermine my authority ..I don't allow ds to any sort of junk food and whenever my back is turned she is plying him with cake etc things a 15 month old doesnt need to be eating!!

The other day ds ate his food at a restaurant and I went to order him fruit for dessert, and as Im cutting it up I hear her sayin "oh u don't want that, do u want cake" and tried to give him cake off her plate. I said "no he is not allowed cake" and she still went to hand it to him and I actually had to physically take it out her hand!!!! What.the.actual.fuck

Then the other day she asks what i plan to get him for xmas and i told her...the next day i get a txt sayin she has just ordered what i ws planning to buy so "can i please not buy it aswell"

She is constantly trying to undermine and patronise me like she knows best and short of strangling her I don't know what to do. Believe me I am no wallflower and have put my foot down over and over again but she just ignores me...any advice on what I should do?? I refuse to let this carry on...

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 03-Dec-13 15:20:56

Part of the issue is that when you say "we don't do that" or similar, what she might be hearing is "you raised your kids wrong". In fact, you do think she did so she may now be forcing the point.

I must ask though, why on earth did you tell her what you are getting for Christmas? Surely you knew what was coming next...

Anniegetyourgun Tue 03-Dec-13 15:23:56

YANBU to want to strangle her. But, just for the avoidance of any confusion, YWBVU to actually do it. There are laws against such things.

Seeing less of her would seem to be a start. Oh, and next Christmas/birthday, tell her you're getting him something really really expensive that you would love him to have but can't afford.

Tell her you've actually ordered the item already, you did it last night, and as it's a special pressie from Mum and Dad she will have to change her order. Give her the hassle of having to think of something different (and don't give her any handy hints!)

VanitasVanitatum Tue 03-Dec-13 15:26:33

When ds gets bored of whatever the latest gift is put it straight on eBay and put the profits in his savings account.. If she won't change her behaviour even though you have asked, you could find a way to take some control back..

Also make sure on Christmas Day that your gift is opened first.

LoopyLobster Tue 03-Dec-13 15:29:17

Give him some cake for crying out loud

SJisontheway Tue 03-Dec-13 15:33:17

What OnTheBottom said.
Also, I suspect she knows you judge her parenting, and is probably related to he being such a PITA

zatyaballerina Tue 03-Dec-13 15:34:04

yanbu, I hate people like that, it's so fucking rude. Sil is similiar, I've explained to her that she can shove all the crap she wants into her fat adult body but to leave my beautiful daughters alone. It took that bluntness to get her to stop - for a while, she still needs to be watched and reminded that dd's body is not a junkyard for her to fill.

When people perstistently and deliberately overstep boundaries like that, the gloves have to come off, otherwise they'll never hear you.

AngelaDaviesHair Tue 03-Dec-13 15:52:21

Stop seeing her.

Nanny0gg Tue 03-Dec-13 15:53:21

What sort of gift does she bring on random visits? Expensive ones?

And I bet the food thing is in response to your (possible) implied criticism of her parenting.

sparklysilversequins Tue 03-Dec-13 15:59:58

I think you sound ridiculously uptight.

My children have loads of aunties and were the first grandchildren on both sides, no one ever turned up to see them empty handed. I was grateful and loved their generosity. My children are 10 and 7 and really lovely kindhearted children.

Po faced, uptight Mum at every meal and family occasion will go much further in forming your child's personality and attitudes imo.

SlimJiminy Tue 03-Dec-13 16:05:17

Like the idea of sticking the stuff she buys DS on eBay and putting the money into a savings account for him. Also like the suggestion about seeing less of SIL. She knows she's pissing you off and that's why she keeps doing it. Tell her you've already ordered the gift you said you were going to get him and let her either double up (you can sell that too and top up the savings account) or faff around buying him something else.

thebody Tue 03-Dec-13 16:07:34

is cake junk food?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 03-Dec-13 16:27:44

If a 15 month old is happy eating fruit, why give them cake? Cake is full of refined sugar, which we are all eating far too much of. DD (3yo) has cake at special occasions, I see no need for her to eat it every time we go out. I certainly don't. Do people really not respect other people's choices about food? We have friends who stuff their kids with crap, not my business. But I don't spend all my time with them shoving carrots in their children's mouths.

ApocalypseThen Tue 03-Dec-13 16:31:27

Obviously she should respect your wishes, but if you're as nasty and inclined to body shame to her as you are about her, I'm not really surprised that she'd try and thwart you.

Jelly15 Tue 03-Dec-13 16:35:24

My friend had the same problem with her MIL purposely buying the toy first if she knew so my friend sold the items on Facebook and her MIL saw them, hit the roof but never did it again.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy Tue 03-Dec-13 16:36:06

No cake. I,m in awe.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 03-Dec-13 16:36:13

I've reread the OP twice Apocalypse and can't see any reference to body shame or any hint of it.

ApocalypseThen Tue 03-Dec-13 16:37:39

Sorry, you're right. That remark was from a different poster.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts Tue 03-Dec-13 16:42:20

There is a difference between being ridiculously over generous and using gifts as a passive aggressive weapon. Eek she sounds awful!

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 03-Dec-13 16:43:08

Doh. Fair enough Apocalypse.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 03-Dec-13 16:43:24

"I have tried everything from asking her to limit it to special occasions, to dropping hints about not wanting him to be spoilt to downright refusing to accept stuff but she NEVER LISTENS."
Nor will she, it is a deliberate policy on her part. Hence the smirk. I just wouldn't have her in my house. My house, my rules, you don't get over the door if all you're here for is to indermine me and generally stir it.

She's your SIL, so is she your husband's sister or your brother's wife? What does your husband or brother have to sday about all this and can whichever one it is put some pressure on her to grow up?

pictish Tue 03-Dec-13 16:46:03

Give him a bit of cake!

Noctilucent Tue 03-Dec-13 16:54:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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