Drives me mad ... Went to PIL's house this afternoon, after three hours of CONSTANT interrupting and people having 3 different conversations at the same time I lost it ... AIBU? Surely it's just manners to let someone finish a bloody sentence!
It is, but some people, including me, are very bad at judging the pauses in conversations. I tend to either start talking over people, or not getting a word in at all. I know it's a fault, and it probably winds me up more than anyone else, and it's why I quite often don't say much at all. It's also what I like about messageboards - even if someone is talking (or typing) at the same time, we will both get to have our say, and no talking over each other.
I am definitely guilty of occasionally interrupting but it was ridiculous - literally three hours of constant noise!!
This drives me potty about my PILs too. Everyone talks over everyone else when we are there.
The problem is that after years and years and years of visiting them, I have learned that the only way to get myself heard is to do it too.
Any unfortunately the habit has carried over to other times as well. . I'm slightly Aspie and can't read the "I've finishing talking" signals from other people at all.
It is annoying!
My lovely PILs are like this - they interrupt each other, they interrupt me - they're just oblivious. I'm there reeling at having MIL talk about her bulbs while FIL is asking me about his laptop, and they both just carry on regardless. Sometimes I'll be on the phone to MIL and FIL in the background will randomly shout a question at me.
My MIL always interrupts in a loud voice and you can't interrupt her cos she'll just carry on. She rarely takes in what you say anyway. She is a nice person but things like that diminish my respect for people.
THANK YOU! Thought i was going crazy. I lost it and stormed out in the end after I caught my husband and MIL giving each other "looks" after I asked if we could just have 5 mins peace & quiet whilst I was trying to thread some beads with my daughter. We were both quite enjoying it - or trying to! There is a reason the EYFS demands "quiet time" or a "quiet corner" etc - shame some adults can't quite get to grips with the concept.
I sympathise. I can never seem to make myself heard when I'm in the company of my IL's.
Oh Hassled your PILs sound hilarious! Its nice that they're both so keen to speak to you! My PILs literally never ring us.
I love chaotic conversations like that! I hate 'turn taking' conversations, it's so stilted. My DH has a couple of friends who insist on finishing a sentence, it gets on my wick.
I get everybody interupting me. I will be halfway through a sentence, so not even a pause then I get interupted. I often leave things half unsaid because of it and it makes me not want to speak ever.
There's a difference between 'interrupting' and 'several conversations going on at once. The latter is normal family life. We are family - if several people are in the same room, there will normally be 2 or 3 conversations going on - of course you don't need to wait until one has finished before you can start the next one. That's all rather formal for family, surely ?
x-posted (Iusually have several windows open at once
I too would have been giving you "looks" if you'd asked everyone else to stop talking because you wanted to thread some beads. Maybe everyone was enjoying their conversations ? How incredibly rude you were to ask people to stop chatting to each other
Couldn't agree more. Conversations don't have to be stilted just because someone actually gets to finish their point - I'm all for a good debate, just find it quite banal/uncivilised if you can't actually finish a sentence. It's hardly an interesting conversation if you're not actually letting anyone else speak.
I lost it and stormed out in the end after I caught my husband and MIL giving each other "looks" after I asked if we could just have 5 mins peace & quiet whilst I was trying to thread some beads with my daughter.
You were in their house and behaved like that? Do you not think that was slightly rude?
I was with you up to the point where you demanded that everyone stopped talking just so that you could thread some beads. You were there for the afternoon for a visit so surely that means falling in with those that live in the house. You know,their house- their rules sort of thing?
I think you were horrendously rude in your demands .If you really cant take the noise then make sure you leave after an hour or so and leave the rest to their happy chattering.
A) it is rude for people to have cross-conversations ie the person next to me shouting at the person opposite, whilst the person next to the person opposite is trying to shout across them to me. I have NEVER sat down to dinner anywhere else where that has been the norm/tolerated. It is rude. Fine if you are having a quiet conversation with the person next to you but fucking annoying to have everyone at the dinner table shouting across each other and speaking at once
B) I did not ask everyone to be quiet, I just asked if I could have 5 minutes to do the beads with my daughter, which we were really enjoying. I cannot do hold three conversations whilst trying to do an activity, don't know about anyone else
Hmm I was with you OP until you said about storming out because you wanted peace and quiet. That's a bit OTT.
I interrupt sometimes but it's because the other person will say something I agree with so I'm a bit like "Oh yeah I know! Blah blah..." So the conversation still carries on. Maybe sometimes I can be a bit eager to get my words out!
My biggest peeve is when you'll be having a conversation with someone, they say something, you say something back. And when they reply it's as if the whole time you were speaking they were thinking about what they were going to say next rather than listening to you. My mum, my brother and my boss do this. It's so annoying. My brother and boss are the worst. It's as if I never had any input into the conversation at all. So after a while I just give up and nod and listen.
If you'd asked me that in my house I would happily have granted you 5 minutes peace - back in your own house.
You were rude.
I know what you mean Spauldling. Or people are looking over your shoulder whilst you are talking to see who else is about!
Just to note, my PIL are like my own parents. Have known them for 10 years so wasn't a "formal" visit. Seriously, I defy anyone to have not lost their temper. They just don't seem to read normal social cues or know when to give it a rest. My MIL also sits on her arse all day shouting orders at her husband to get this/that/the other/you put the oven on too high/why haven't you made the tea yet etc etc - all while she just sits there doing nothing.
Well, if you speak to your own parents like that, it's all right then...
It's their bloody house! You don't like it, don't go!
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